AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I let out a shuddery breath and do what I know I need to do and read Aaron’s texts.
Ace: I’m so sorry.
Ace: I love you.
Ace: That conversation didn’t go how I wanted. Then you left…
Ace: Please let me know you’re safe. I’m worried.
Ace: I left you a voice message. Please listen to it.
Ace: Sarah talked to Joel. I’m still worried about you. There’s so much I can’t say in a text. Please stay safe and call me. Come back.
Ace: You’re my person. I need you.
I choke back tears and Joel reaches over and gently squeezes my thigh. I don’t look at him. I can’t. I take another deep breath and flip to my voice messages. I click on the one from Aaron and lift the phone to my ear.
“Rae, I’m sorry for what happened earlier. I need to talk to you, but not over voicemail or text. I need you here. Call me. Come back. Let me know you’re safe. I love you.”
I drop my phone into my lap and put my hands over my face and cry. Because none of that made me feel better. None of it made me feel like this isn’t going where I think it is. I don’t know what happens now. And I’m terrified I’ve already lost him.
“We’re supposed to have forever.” I mutter it so quietly I’m not sure he even hears me. Not that it matters. Those are just the words that are twisting around in my gut. The words destroying me from the inside out.
I know Joel’s right. I need to talk to him. As Joel drives us back to campus, I do what has to be done.
Me: I don’t want to have any conversations by text or phone either. Joel’s driving us back to campus. Meet me by the lagoon in 10?
Ace: I’ll be there. I love you.
I stare at the text. I have no doubts about that. But I’m not sure that loving someone is enough. A couple of weeks ago, we said love conquers all. Now I realize how naïve we were. Or are. Love is important, but I think you need a whole lot more than that to make a relationship last.
Still, I text him back.
Me: Yeah, I love you too.
The rest of the ride back to campus is silent. I appreciate Joel not pushing me. It’s the last thing I need right now. When we get back, he drops me off by the lagoon, which is more like a pond, but whatever. I nestle in on a bench shrouded by trees. The mid-afternoon sun peeks through, warming my face.
Then the bench shifts next to me.
A hand takes mine.
And before I can think, I’m crying again.
I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m confused. I feel broken.
Because that hand, the person it’s attached to, created all of those feelings. But he’s also that one that calms me, that makes me feel full and loved without saying a word.
Anger courses through me again.
Because it’s not fair that he could so simultaneously heal and break me.
I hate it.
I hate that I crave it; that I still want his touch.
I hate him.
I choke back a sob. Because I don’t hate him. I never could. He could destroy my heart, rip it to shreds, burn it to ash, and I’d still try to reassemble it, just so I could give it back to him.
