AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Rae.” My name comes out in a voice so raw and raspy, it makes me flash my eyes open and finally look at him.
Tears stream down my cheeks. Because his eyes don’t reassure me. No, they terrify me. I want to deny it, wish it away, but I know what’s coming. I can feel it in my gut.
A shriek of laughter briefly distracts me from my misery. I watch a guy tackle his girl and start kissing her in the grass.
Thanks, universe, I needed an extra bitch slap right now.
I turn back to Aaron. “Did you mean it? Do you want that?”
His face twists with pain, and he shakes his head. “I don’t… of course, I don’t want it. But I need… hell, you need—”
“I need?No. Don’t tell me whatIneed. What I need is for you to be honest with me. To let me in!” I grab at his shirt, trying to keep the hysteria from my voice. “You told me there’s nothing so big that we can’t handle it as long as we’re in it together. Love conquers all! Let me in. Please. Let me help. Let me love you.”
His chest heaves. “I hate this. It’s not how I want it to be, but you can’t fix me, and whether you want to admit it or not, I’m destroying us by trying to be with you when I don’t have anything to give you.”
“All I’ve ever asked for is your love.”
“You know I love you, but I can’tlove youthe way I’m supposed to right now.”
“Don’t!” I stand up and back away from him. “Don’t you dare tell me you love me in the same breath you tell me you can’t love me the right way. It’s not fair. None of this is fair.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I need time. Space. To focus on myself. I don’t want this to be forever—it can’t—” He chokes on the words as I glare at him.
“I don’t think you know what forever means, seeing as you promised me that once and now…”
He stands up and takes my hand, looking deep into my eyes.
In a voice quiet and haunted, he says, “I still want that. Please don’t give up on me.”
I nearly fall to my knees. “You of all people should know I never could. And I hate you for that right now. That deep in my heart, I know I can’t. I have to hold on to you while you’re letting me go.”
I rip my hands from his and turn to walk away.
“Wait. Please.” He grabs my hand.
“Why? Are you changing your mind? Are you going to let me in?” My voice breaks, my words pleading. Where’s the escape hatch? How do I wake myself up? Because this must be a nightmare.
He pulls me tight to his chest as we both cry. “I don’t want to leave it like this. I hate seeing you like this.”
That pisses me off, and I push out of his arms. “That’s whatthislooks like. This is what a break up is!”
“You’re crying. I don’t want you to walk alone—”
“Well, you don’t get to care. If we’re not together, you don’t get to care.”
“You’re still my person.”
I hold in a scream. And the urge to throw up. Tears flow freely from my eyes. “Not right now I’m not. I can’t be your person like this. I’ll always be there if you need me. But otherwise, we’re not anything. We’re not dating. We’re not friends. We’re done. That’s what you wanted, right?”
He slowly shakes his head, tears falling from his cheeks as he looks at the sidewalk. When he looks back at me, I hear the words he doesn’t say.I’ll never want that.But it doesn’t seem to matter. All he does is whisper the words I can’t stand hearing anymore…
“I’m sorry.”
I stare at him for a moment. There’s nothing else to say. With a deep, forceful breath, I turn and walk away. This time, he lets me go. I want to look back at him. I want to bolt to his arms and tell him he isn’t allowed to do this. It takes two people to make decisions in a relationship. But I can’t. Or I won’t. I don’t even know anymore.
As I trudge forward, I wish to feel his arms wrap around me. To hear his smooth, soft voice tell me he was wrong. To have him drag me back to the dorm and break down. Let it out. Let me in. But none of that happens.
The love of my life just broke up with me. And I have no idea what to do now.
