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Aaron
Watching Rae walk away from me and not going after her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Seeing her heart break and knowing I’m the one who caused it?
Like I need another reason to hate myself.
What she doesn’t know is that my heart was already broken. Now it just keeps crumbling. Like I do. Guess that’s why I’m sitting in a parking lot, alone in my truck, replaying it all over and over again.Could it have gone differently?I want to believe it could have. But even though I said the words, she didn’t… fight. I mean, if she truly wanted to make it work… shouldn’t she have fought for me?
I probably didn’t deserve it.
I slam my hand against the steering wheel, pain bursting out of me. This is unbearable and wrong. She’s everything to me.
My skin crawls, the desire to find her, fix this, overtaking me.
I throw my door open in a panic, frantically leaping from the truck. I don’t want to do this without her.
But by the time I reach the end of the truck, reality hits again.I don’t know how to do this with her.
I want to be with her. I want to fix this. But I have to fix myself first. Even if I have no idea how to do that.
Body shaking, I lean against the back of the truck and slide down until I’m sitting on the pavement, head in my hands. I probably look psychotic.
Plenty of people pass me. I hear their hushed voices, but no one stops.Why give a shit about some dude crying in a school parking lot?
“Aaron?” a soft voice says some time later.
I don’t look up. Don’t move.
“A…” her voice is soft as she sits next to me. Sarah’s small arm wraps around my back as she leans against me, resting her head on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I broke my promise to you.”
“No,” she says soothingly. “I know you’re still trying to do the right thing. I know you don’t want to hurt her.”
“I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams,” I mumble.
“I know.” She runs one hand up and down my back as she squeezes my hand with her other.
After a few moments of silence, she whispers, “You’re going to be okay.”
For the first time, I lift my head and look at her.Don’t really believe that right now.
“It’s all going to be okay. I promise.”
“How do you know that?”
She looks at me, sincerity in her eyes. No pity or sympathy. But empathy. Understanding.
“Because I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt how you feel. And I made it to the other side. You will, too. It takes time, but you’ll get there.”
To that, I sigh. How do I move forward when I don’t even know which direction forward is?
“I know it fucking hurts right now. But the thing about that hurt is that it gives you two options… you give into it and give up or you learn from it and you rise. And even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, you’re going to rise. You’re Aaron freaking Cooper. It’s what you do.”
That gets a little laugh out of me.
“And I’m here if you need me. We all are.”
I fight the grimace my face wants to pull into at those words. I just pushed the person who is always there for me out of my life and she didn’t even fight back. Joel hasn’t exactly been there for me. It’s hard to believe any of it.
