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He hooked up with someone.
He hooked up with someone?
How could he?
Now?
After everything?
I know I flirted with Kevin. He kissed me. But it felt wrong. It was so very wrong. And now he does this?
Did we mean nothing to him?
After he begged me not to give up?
As I walk out of the dining hall, I’m crying so hard I can barely see where I’m going.
Someone steps in front of me, and I nearly collide with them, but two warm hands reach out and steady me.
“Rae Rae?”
I flash my gaze up and see Jesse staring down at me.
“Jesse?” I mutter in confusion as he pulls me tightly into his arms. I collapse into a puddle of tears against his chest.
“What happened?” Jesse asks, rubbing his hands up and down my back.
“He slept with someone,” I mutter against his chest.
He inhales sharply, then pulls back a little and looks at me. He guides us over to a nearby bench and sits us down. It feels like ice even through my sweatpants.
“I’m assuming we’re talking about—”
“Don’t say his name. I don’t want to hear it.” I wipe some tears off my face. “What are you doing here, J?”
He smiles sheepishly. “It was Carrie’s idea. She heard Joel giving me an update on things over break and she thought maybe you could use a friend. She would’ve come too, but she didn’t want you to see us being happy…”
I let out a bitter laugh. “I guess I can appreciate that. I hope I get to meet her soon, though. She sounds sweet. And way too good for you,” I add playfully.
He gives me a little smirk. “That’s the Rae McKinley I know.”
“So, he hasn’t totally robbed me of my spirit, I guess.” I shake my head. “I know I sound like a pathetic idiot. We broke up almost two months ago. But after all that forever talk—all of his begging for me to not give up on him—I can’t imagine sleeping with someone else right now. I couldn’t even handle a guy kissing me.”
“You kissed someone?” he asks with surprise.
“Yeah, he’s a friend and we’ve been flirty. Flirting always feels good and takes my mind off things. But then he kissed me, and I let him, but it felt wrong, J. It felt so wrong. I still feel like Aaron’s. In some ways, I guess I thought I still was. He begged me not to give up,” I mutter as tears come. “I thought that meant he wouldn’t either. I’d even decided that I was going to tell him I wasn’t giving up, and I wanted to find some kind of better solution. I don’t know. Now I feel like an idiot. How could he do this? Did he not really love me?”
“You know helovesyou.”
“Then how?”
“Because he’s a fucking idiot,” Joel says, dropping down on the other side of me. He squeezes Jesse’s shoulder.
“You knew he was coming?” I ask Joel.
“He got here late last night, got a hotel room for the night so he could surprise you.”
I look at Jesse with tears in my eyes.
