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“For like half a second,” Joel says. “And that’s not even close to the same thing.” Now he looks pissed. “And you have no idea how it made her feel.”
“Fine, I get your point. I hate myself enough. But telling her? What would I even say?Rae, sorry I’m such a dick, but let me add to it.”
“I don’t know, I’m just saying…” Miles says.
“I know. So, fine. I’ll tell her. Tell her all about how I got drunk and let some girl go down on me and then we fu—” I stop short when Joel winces and groans. Then I feel the shift in the energy around me. And I know I don’t have to tell her anything because she just walked up to the table.
She steps into my line of view, Sarah at her side.
Sarah is seething. If she could kill with her eyes, I’d be dead about a thousand times over.
And Rae… I wonder if I’ll ever stop being the raging jackass who hurts her. She might’ve kissed another guy, but I took it up a notch. Or several.
She has a drink tray full of coffees. I read one and see that it’s my favorite. Only she knows that. She ordered it for me.
She chucks the drink tray on the table and walks away, eyes fiery but filled with anguish.
“Aaron freaking Cooper!” Sarah shrills.
Fuck my life.
Seriously.
Fuck. My. Life.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Sarah yells at me, drawing the attention of the whole dining room.
“Sarah…”
Her hand trembles like she’s trying to keep it from reaching across the table and slapping me.
“All right, I’m gonna go talk to Rae,” Miles says. But Joel grabs his arm and shakes his head. He slides his phone into Miles’s hand. Miles looks at it and raises his eyebrows. “Seriously?”
Joel nods, then glances at Sarah.
“Go if you want to,” she says to him. “I need a minute.”
His eyes roll around the table, then he stands, barely offering me a cursory glance as he does. He kisses Sarah on the side of the head and walks toward the elevator.
Sarah’s fierce gaze is still on me, probably ready to rip me apart.
“I fucked up. I get it, okay? So, banish me. Kick me out. Ditch me. I get it. I fucked it all up,” I choke out.
Miles watches as Sarah reels back. She shakes her head, her eyes glassy.
“You have never given up on me. None of you. I’ll never give up on you.” She sinks into the chair beside me and takes my hand. “I’m not pissed at you because of Rae. I’m pissed because you’re giving into the pain instead of fighting. You’re never going to get anywhere by doing that. You can’t rise if you don’t work through the pain.”
The way she looks at me makes me want to break down.
“We love you, A.” She stands up and kisses the side of my head before calmly walking away.
When she’s gone, Miles looks at me. He reaches across the table and squeezes my arm. “She’s right,” he says quietly. “The more you believe you aren’t worth it, the more shitty decisions you’re gonna make. You decide who you’re gonna be, A.”
I nod at him. I know who I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be this guy.
I might be lost in every other way, but I will not bethisguy.
Rae
