AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Yeah, I do. It sounds so dumb now.”
He squeezes my hand. “It doesn’t. Yeah, a year ago I might’ve said that. But I get it now.”
“You’re in love with her, huh?”
He looks down sheepishly. “Yeah. I am. I’m nuts for her. I can’t believe it. I didn’t get it before, but now I do. Love makes you crazy and stupid. If something happened with Carrie and me… I know I’d still be fighting for her, even if it felt like the dumbest thing on the planet. I couldn’t give up. I understand why you can’t either.”
“I know it’s not over,” I say, choking back tears. “That’sthe hard part. Everything being completely fucked and knowing you can’t fix it. You just have to muddle through it. And you have to trust the other person to do the same so you can find your way together again on the other side. That’s really hard to do when the other person is a mess and makes shitty choices and keeps hurting you.” I blow out a breath and wipe the tears from my face. “I still believe in my relationship with Aaron. I still believe we can have a future. And that hurts more than anything else.”
“Come here,” he says softly.
Jesse leans against the back of the couch and pulls me tight to his side. He kisses my forehead. “You can keep believing. Youshouldkeep believing. But you should also take care of yourself. Don’t let his self-destruction destroy you, too.”
He reaches over and wipes a few tears off my cheeks. “I’m trying hard not to. I think it’s part of why I get so angry. I hate watching him falling apart and not letting any of us help. I hate that I can’t fix it.”
Jesse lets out a laugh. “You’ve always been the fixer. Solving everyone’s problems.”
I laugh too. “Everyone’s but my own.”
“Well, it’s a lot easier to solve a problem when you see it objectively.”
I glance up at him. “When did you get so wise?”
His chest vibrates as he laughs. “It’s being in love, clearly. I’m wiser and a complete sap.”
I shrug. “There are worse things to be, J. There are way worse things.”
I rest my head on his shoulder and eventually fall asleep.
I wake up to the sound of knocking. Blinking, I look around. It’s already after nine in the morning. Jesse is still asleep in the corner of the couch. At some point, I woke up and spread out over the rest of it. Joel is out cold on the other couch, and Sarah must still be in the bedroom.
Another knock. I stand up and stretch before walking to the door. There’s a third knock before I get to it.
I swing the door open to see Aaron standing there.
Part of me wants to slam it in his face.
But there’s another part of me that wants him to be here to apologize. I want him to grab me by the arms and tell me he’s sorry. I want him to realize that he fucked up and that there’s no one else in the world for him than me. I want him to tell me everything, let out all of his pain and let me in. Mostly, I want him to tell me he knows now that he wants us, he wants to fix us.
Because after all of this, I still want him. And I hate us both for that.
But, of course, he doesn’t say any of that. All he says is, “Hi.”
Aaron
Rae’s gaze on me is intense. I’m not sure if I should expect her to slap me or hug me or tell me to go fuck myself. I have a feeling she’s not sure either.
“Hi,” she says, voice tight.
My head drops. It’s hard to look her in the eyes.
“What’s going on, Aaron?”
“I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to explain—”
“There’s nothing to explain.” Her voice is calm, but her eyes are cold as ice. And I know why. She’s distancing herself, trying to stop the hurt.
“Yes, there is. What happened… how you found out… none of it was okay.”
