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“She agreed to stay in the marriage so that he could campaign that way, but she screamed that she’d never be used again. She got out. I didn’t. I couldn’t. Or maybe I didn’t want to, because by this point, it was the only thing I had in common with my dad anymore. He needed me. I put him above everything. Relationships, my siblings—who resented the shit out of my enablement—and even you.”
I could feel and hear my heartbeat, the low throb in my throat an echo of the torment and pain from all those years.
Ashlyn’s hand slipped over mine. “What happened tonight?”
“Tonight was simple. Easy, if you want to think of it like that. He drank too much, so the bartender called me.” I shrugged.
“Surely he has a car service, someone else he could call. Uber, even?”
Liam groaned. “A few years back, our driver sold him out to a competitor. Dad hasn’t trusted anybody but us since.”
Had he tried not getting blackout drunk on a random Tuesday? Nope. Never would either. I didn’t mention that point.
Ashlyn’s face crumbled. “What does that have to do with me?”
The biggest question. Or rather the most important.
“I don’t make good decisions when it comes to my family. I'm reminded of that every time I do this, every time I enable him, and allow him to continue like this. I don’t know how to stop. Until I do, I will keep destroying my career, my relationships.”
She shifted away, eyeing me nervously.
So I pushed on. “But then I met you. You came charging into my life, and you made me second-guess everything about myself. I’d always wanted to be different than my father, but you were the one who actually gave me the confidence to do that. And now…now, I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t know what you’ve done or how you’ve done it, but I want to be the person who would be worthy of dating you. Someone who could actually measure up to the Liam Macklen you created.”
Ashlyn was silent. Her lovely face slack in shock.
“Ashlyn, do you understand what I mean?” I reached out, slipping my fingers through hers. “What I feel for you is real. It goes far beyond this performance we are putting on for the board.”
“Liam,” she began. I could feel her retreat before the words even formed. “Please slow this down. A lot.”
“I know, but I need to tell you how I feel. Before it’s all over,” I finished lamely. Before the board meeting. Before I’m faced with the very real possibility that I’ll never get another chance to explain this to her.
“I feel so much for you, Ashlyn. You showed me what it was like to have a home, to be happy with myself, to enjoy the little things. I know that I have a lot going on, but I can’t lose you. I can’t stand the idea of continuing on alone.”
“That doesn't change anything about Grove or Leden though. Don’t you see? Without Leden, Grove will be closed in a matter of months. Closed, Liam. My grandfather…” Her voice broke. “My grandfather worked so hard to get Grove Communications open. I cannot allow you to jeopardize our future on the fact that you don’t want to be alone. Loneliness isn’t an excuse, Liam.”
Nausea curled in my gut. “Not just alone. Without you. And we can figure out a way. I’ll be CEO. I can change the rules.”
“On morality?” She laughed. “I’m pretty sure not even Liam Macklen can change that.” She raised those shining blue eyes to me, tears glistening in the corners. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you. What’s still happening to you. But I can’t be your security blanket or your backup plan. I wanted you to choose me above all things.”
“You want me to quit my job? That’s what you’re asking,” I said softly. Not for the first time, I considered this option.
“No, absolutely not. You are great at your job. I just want you to choose me on purpose. Not as the lesser of two evils. Do you understand?” The last words tumbled out on a sob. I wasn't sure if it came from her or me.
“But I am sure.”
“Are you? Because I came to you just now. And only because I was afraid something happened to you. I can’t live my life waiting for the man I love to decide that I’m worth the risk.”
“You love?”
Ashlyn wiped a hand across her face, the streaks of tears there driving a stake deep into my chest.
“Yes. Love. Loved. I don’t know anymore. I have to go, Liam. Best of luck this week. Peter will be in touch with your last round of announcements before the shareholders’ meeting.”
“Please,” I said, but my voice died. She was right. Again. I knew I wanted her. Hell, I was so deep in love with her that I barely knew which way was up, but I had jeopardized everything for her family. There wasn’t an easy solution. But I would find something. It would be worth it.Iwould be worth it. Right then I wanted to explain more, to blurt out everything I was trying to do. Maybe make her understand why I would someday deserve her.
I moved toward her, putting an arm lightly around her shoulders. Trying to touch her as little as possible. While I wanted to turn her, bury my face in her hair, and lose myself to the softness, the sweetness of her body, I couldn’t do that.
Not yet. And the truth of it choked me. Especially when those glasslike eyes glittered with unshed tears.
