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“No, Beatrice. Don’t do this.” Her mother clutched a pillow against her chest. “Don’t do this to me.”
“You had a conversation with Stamford Wright in this very room recently. How could you offer him money to leave?”
“He’s nobody.”
“He’s the man I love.”
“Society forgives men when they make an imprudent marriage. They won’t forgive you.”
“How is it any different?”
“Men hold the power in this world, Beatrice. And the men with money most of all. They set their own rules.”
“I’ve decided to break the rules.”
“If your father were alive he’d put a swift stop to this madness. He’d have something to say about his only daughter throwing her life away.”
“He’d say what he always said. That I was a cripple, that I was deficient and unlovable.”
“You heard him say those terrible things?”
“Of course I did, Mama. He shouted them. And I absorbed his words and I believed them. Until I met Ford and decided to start living my life, instead of watching it from a distance. There’s pain in this world, and there’s joy. I’ll taste both, but I won’t hide from life anymore.”
Her mother turned her face away. “So you love him?”
“With all my heart.”
“And you’re ruined?”
“Utterly.”
“Oh, Beatrice. My little girl.” Her mother started crying then, and it broke Beatrice’s heart to hear her sobbing.
“Can you be happy for me, Mama?”
“I should never have allowed you to go to that bookshop.”
“Probably not.”
“I was going to announce your engagement to Mayhew at the ball. Oh,” she moaned, pressing her fingers to her eyes. “This is a nightmare.”
“Mayhew’s not a worthy suitor, mother. He is a known degenerate.”
“He’s an earl, Beatrice. Once upon a time, I’d hoped you might wed a duke, as I did. But an earl would have sufficed.”
“And was your marriage so blissful that you wanted the same for me?”
“My marriage with your father may not have been a loving one, but he provided all of the material comforts and protection that any lady could ask for.”
“I don’t want the same things you want, Mama. You think you can mold me in your image, that the heavy pendulum of societal mores and expectations will move me into my proper place.”
“We all have our duties to fulfill.”
“But I was never able to fulfill mine, was I, Mama? I’ve never been your perfect daughter. I can’t evensmile. How am I to attract a mate?” She used her mother’s own words, the words she’d overheard her saying. The words she’d written in the diary entry that Ford had read.
“Why can’t you see that everything I’ve done has been for your own good?” asked her mother. “It will break my heart if you are cast out from society.”
“There are many kinds of happiness, Mama. Aunt Matilda was happy.”
