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He just looked at her, and the expression on his face made her want to cry all over again. He looked really mad, but he looked disgusted, too, like she’d really disappointed him.
He looked like a dad.
She bit her lip so she didn’t start crying and thought about all those years she’d dreamed about him. She used to write his name in her notebooks and whisper it as she fell asleep at night. Mathias Jorik. Her dad.
She’d grown up knowing he wasn’t her real father. Sandy’d never lied to her about that. Her real dad had been a student at Carnegie Mellon Sandy had met in a bar one night and never seen again. Sandy didn’t even remember his name. She’d always said that, in her heart, Mat was Lucy’s dad.
She’d heard lots of stories about Mat while she was growing up. How he and Sandy had met. How cute and smart he’d been. How nice he’d treated her, even though he didn’t have any money because he was only twenty-one and he’d just graduated from college.
Lucy’d always dreamed that he didn’t care that Lucy wasn’t his kid. She’d imagined him telling her mother, That’s okay, Sandy. It’s not like it’s the baby’s fault that you got pregnant or anything, and I already love her just like she’s mine.
As if.
“You’re not getting away with talking to Nell like that.”
“She started it.” That was such a lie that Lucy couldn’t even believe she’d said it.
“What did she do?” He didn’t say it like he believed her. He said it like he knew she was full of it, and he was just giving her a chance to dig a deeper hole for herself.
She thought about how bad she’d screwed up today. She was supposed to be getting them together, but all she’d done was cause trouble. If only Nell hadn’t said how she and Mat weren’t ever going to get married, and how they couldn’t adopt Button. And then she’d said that part about not being able to adopt Lucy, either, and it had made Lucy go sort of nuts, even though she hadn’t ever thought they’d adopt her.
But Nell was only part of this, Lucy remembered. Jorik was the other part, and maybe he saw things between him and Nell different. The only way Lucy could find out was to swallow her pride. But it was hard. It felt as if she were trying to swallow a whole mouthful of broken glass.
“Nell didn’t do anything. It was me. I was being a bitch.” Now that the words were out, she didn’t feel so bad, and she was almost glad she’d made herself say them.
“Damn right you were.”
“Nell said you’re not supposed to swear around me.”
“Then we won’t tell her, will we? Just like we won’t tell her that I’m thinking of keeping you locked up back here until I turn you over to your grandmother.”
Lucy poked at the frayed hole in her denim shorts. “I don’t care what you do.”
“You ruined Nell’s picnic. You know that, don’t you? You saw the way she was fussing over those sandwiches like they were the most important thing in the world. She bought cupcakes with faces! Stuff like that means a lot to her, and now you’ve spoiled it.”
Everything he was saying was true, and it made Lucy feel awful. But right now she had to think about Button, not her own feelings. “I said I was sorry. You like her a lot, don’t you?”
“Nell?”
Who’d he think they were talking about? But Lucy held back her sarcasm. “She likes you a lot, too. She said you were hot.”
“She did?”
“Uh-huh. And that you’re smart and really, really sensitive.” What did a few more lies mean when she’d already screwed up so bad?
“She said I was sensitive?”
“That means a lot to women. I think it’s because you like Button so much.” She didn’t mean for it to come out like a question, but it did anyway.
She must have gone too far because he looked at her suspiciously. “What does Button have to do with this?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly. “I was just using her as an example. And I wanted to tell you . . . if you want to be alone with Nell for a while for anything, me and Button can, you know, disappear. You just let me know.” She’d gotten good at disappearing with Sandy and Trent.
“Thanks.” Now he was the one who sounded sarcastic. He crossed his arms and looked at her in a way that made her want to squirm. “You’ve got an apology to make. And it had better sound so sincere that it puts a lump in her throat, understand?”
Even though she felt like her neck was breaking, she nodded.
“And you eat everything she puts in front of you, even if it tastes like crap.”
