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5
VIKTOR
Few things in my life have made me feel as wounded as my wife standing in front of me, telling me that my daughters might one day grow up to hate me. Telling me thatshehates her own father in some ways because of the truths she’s learned about him over time.
And it doesn’t help that nothing she’s saying is anything I haven’t said to myself already.
I stride downstairs, not bothering to wait for her. I need to see my daughter, and I don’t trust what I might say next to Caterina. I want our marriage to work, but she wants to change me–to change my entire life.Ourwhole life, because whether she likes it or not, she’s a part of this too. She benefits from it too–or where does she think the money, her clothes, this safe house, our home, and everything else we have comes from?I think darkly, a hint of bitterness setting in.
All I can see is a repeat of Vera, the same resentment between us growing. It’s not what I want for Caterina and me, but perhaps the only way a man like mecanbe married is to have a distance between himself and his wife. I’d thought Caterina might understand, but clearly, I’d been wrong.
I push open the door to Anika’s room to see the doctor checking her vitals, Max sitting on one side of the room. He stands immediately, and I give him a tight smile. “Thank you for looking in on her,” I tell him, and he nods, his youthful face calmer than I’ve seen it in a long time.
“I thought she could use the prayer,” he says, and I force myself not to roll my eyes.
“You know I don’t put much stock in that, son,” I tell him, striding towards Anika’s bedside. “But it can’t hurt. And what you’ve done for this family isn’t something I’ll soon forget.”
Max licks his lips nervously, hesitating. “So you’ll–look into what I asked?”
I hesitate. “I don’t know if I can help you there. I don’t have much influence–”
“But you said Luca Romano might.”
“He might. I’m hesitant to owe him a favor. But under the circumstances–” I pause, looking at Max’s expression, one that’s faintly hopeful and afraid to hope all at once. “When things are settled with my daughter and with Alexei, I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you, sir.” Max’s expression turns to relief. “Even if it’s not the outcome I hoped for, if there’s a possibility–”
I nod, turning my attention to Anika. I hear his retreat towards the door, but I don’t bother looking after him. All of my attention is on my daughter, my breath caught in my throat as I wait to hear what the doctor will say.
“It’s good news,” he says finally, when he looks up. “She’s not out of the woods yet, but everything points to a full recovery. She’ll need time here to rest and heal, but from what you said, this is the safest place for her right now. It’ll be some time before she can return to New York–”
“That’s fine,” I say curtly. “Whatever it takes for her to recover, that’s what we’ll do.”
I look down at my daughter, and I can see already that some of her color is returning, her sleep looking peaceful instead of nearly dead. It terrifies me that she still hasn’t woken or stirred at all, but I know from what I’ve been told that that’s normal, even desirable. She’s in a healing sleep, and if she wakes up from it whole, that’s all that matters to me.
There are footsteps behind me, light and soft, and I know that it’s Caterina. I can smell her perfume, and something in my chest lightens, knowing that she’s here despite myself. I know that I shouldn’t take comfort in her presence, that there’s nothing that can make our marriage be what I want it to be. But I can’t help the feeling of lightness that washes over me knowing that she’s here, that she loves my daughter too, that whatever happens next, I won’t have to bear it alone.
“How is she?” Caterina asks softly.
“Healing,” I tell her, not taking my eyes off of Anika. “The doctor is hopeful that she’ll make a full recovery.”
“I’ll let the two of you have some time with her before I send the nurse in,” he says, looking up. “There’s nothing particularly concerning that I see right now. It’s not certain yet, but everything points to a positive outcome.” He nods to me, circling around the bed and leaving Caterina and me there, looking down at the girl I now can’t help but think of asourdaughter and not just mine.
I know that she feels the same.
“When do you think we should let Yelena see her?” Caterina sounds worried. “I know she’s afraid her sister is going to die, but I don’t know if seeing her like this will help or hurt–”
“If we can wait until Anika wakes up, I think that would be best.” I hesitate, glancing over at my wife. Her concern for my children makes me feel all the more for her, and I take a deep breath, forcing the feelings back. I know it will do me–us–no good. But I can’t help the feeling that if only we could overcome our differences, Caterina could be a wife and mother better than anything I could have possibly hoped for when I asked for her hand from Luca.
“Caterina, I–” I hesitate, and she shakes her head without looking at me.
“Don’t, Viktor,” she says quietly. “It’ll only make things worse. Perhaps it’s better if we continue to hate each other.”
That brings me up short. “Do you hate me?”
She swallows hard. “I have, sometimes. Not always.”
“Do you now?” She won’t look at me, and everything in me wants to reach for her, to force her to meet my eyes. But I don’t think that will make things better between us.
