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Amy and Moira were trying for another baby with IVF and a sperm donor, a saga the group had been following for the past fourmonths.
“I’m sorry,” Robinsaid.
“It’s okay,” Amy said. “It’s early yet. We’ve only done two rounds. It took four withRuth.”
“And worth every injection and every minute in stirrups,” Moirasaid.
“Plus there’s always adoption,” Amy said. “It’ll be a longer process, but we’re totally open toit.”
“Any kid would be lucky to have you both for parents,” Karensaid.
Murmured agreement erupted around thetable.
“Speaking of babies, where is Ruth?” Nina asked. The trials and tribulations of getting Ruth to bed were legendary now that she was in a toddler bed. It wasn’t uncommon for her to appear several times during their dinners at Amy and Moira’s asking for another story, a drink of water, or help in thebathroom.
“Would you believe she’s asleep?” Moiraasked.
“No!” Karen, Robin, and Nina said inunison.
Amy laughed. “We’ve been trying to figure out if it’s a growth spurt or the fact that it gets dark so early now, but she’s been konked out by seven every night thisweek.”
“Don’t question it,” Robin advised. “Just enjoyit.”
Karen raised a hand. “I agree with Robin. Alex was a bear when it came tosleeping.”
Robin had two grown daughters, and Alex was Karen’s son, now in his second year of college at UConn. They were the voice of experience in the group. Nina had never been able to havechildren.
It had been a sore spot in her marriage with Peter, even though he never would have admitted it, and a sore spot for her too. It was hard to remember that version of herself, the version who’d felt incomplete without a child, who’d watched wistfully as the other moms packed their cars with cupcakes for school birthday parties and chauffeured little girls and boys to ballet andsoccer.
Her acceptance of the situation had snuck up on her after her move to the city. In Larchmont, she’d been the odd woman out, but in Manhattan she was just one of many women who didn’t have children, for reasons most of them felt no obligation toexplain.
Somewhere along the way she’d stopped seeing the women hauling around bulging bellies and pushing strollers and wiping snotty noses as the enemy. Instead they’d started to seem like members of the same team playing different positions. For the first time she’d been able to see them honestly, not through the rose-colored glasses of someone who’d tried for nearly a decade to have a child, but through the eyes ofreality.
She’d started to notice the trade-offs: navigating strollers and diaper bags through the subway system while Nina could move quickly through the crowd, making apologies to other diners in a restaurant when a toddler had a meltdown while Nina enjoyed a leisurely meal, leaving the movie theater early because the baby had had enough while Nina went out and bought a ticket to a second movie on a snowySunday.
Nina didn’t doubt it was all worth it, but it was nice to have reached a place where being childless didn’t make her feel like she was missing out on all the fun, like her life was somehow a colorless version of the realthing.
She enjoyed not having to take anyone else into account when she made plans and when she decided what to wear, enjoyed being able to zigzag through crowds when she was in a hurry and take her time shopping or eating out or just sitting in the park. If that made her selfish, well, after all the years she’d spent feeling sad and broken and useless, it was selfishness she’dearned.
She looked up as the sound of her name made its way through her thoughts. “Hmm?”
Karen laughed. “Earth toNina!”
“How’re the pictures coming, Neen?” Robinasked.
“They’re coming,” Nina said. “I enjoyit.”
“Have you given any more thought to Moni’s offer?” Amyasked.
Nina shook her head. “I’m not interested in showing. I’m notready.”
“Moni thinks you’re ready,” Karen pointed out. “And she wouldknow.”
Nina dipped a piece of bread into the soup. “It’s just ahobby.”
“I’m guessing if I look in your bag right now, I’ll find your camera?” Karenasked.
Nina laughed. “What does thatprove?”
