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Me: Made it to Redding. I’m lonely.
Lily: Thank God! I’ve been thinking about you all day. Do you want to call me?
Me: Yes but I shouldn’t. I’m already in bed.
Lily: You better call tomorrow.
Me: I will. Anything from Will? Or maybe not since he has HER.
Lily: Stop it! He called. I set him straight. Now don’t bring him up again.
Me: Ok. I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.
Lily: Talk to you tomorrow. XOXO
Lily’s aggravated tone shut me up. Texting would be futile. We’d only get angry with each other. Last night when it was only Lily and me, I’d promised I wouldn’t talk about Will, and what had I done, not even a day later? I asked about him. Honestly, I couldn’t help myself. You just didn’t stop loving someone from one day to the next. Maybe some could, but I couldn’t.
Nothing about this situation would be easy for my friends or me. It wasn’t like my memories were wiped away seconds after Will chose Cori over me. Even after he ripped my heart out, I still loved Will.
If he loved me, as he continually reminded me, finding me moved out would have affected him. Right?
I wanted him to feel the loss of me, just as I had for months while he had an affair. I hoped he was miserable, but maybe that was wishful thinking. He probably had Cori on speed dial. At his beck and call and ready to drop to her knees on command.
Bitch.
Why was I torturing myself thinking about him… and her? These negative feelings couldn’t be healthy for my baby. I put my phone on the nightstand, killed the lights, and curled into a ball.
Tomorrow was a new day. I hoped it would be better than today.
6 Miranda
I WOKE UP this morning determined to have a better day. To turn this depressing trip into an adventure. I’d never been this far north before and figured I might as well take in some sights.
First on the list was Lassen National Forest. It was a bit off the beaten path, but I had all the time in the world with nowhere to be until Monday. I couldn’t even move into the little bungalow I’d rented until the weekend. Finding the two-bedroom home was a godsend. Someone must have been looking out for me.
The visitors’ center wasn’t busy this time of year, but there were plenty of outdoorsy people out and about, even a couple of bikers. Could they be the ones who’d stayed at the Express Inn last night?
I rolled my eyes. If I let my imagination wander, I might think they were following me.
Lassen Peak was prettier than I’d expected. I wondered what it would be like to climb it, which was funny—who was that girl?
Perhaps it was time to turn over a new leaf as I reinvented myself. Maybe I’d discover a hidden outdoorsman beneath the posh socialite I’d become since being with Will the last ten months.
I laughed to myself. Me, an outdoorsy person? Not likely, but I’d keep an open mind.
After spending a little time admiring the gorgeous landscape, I continued my journey north. Admittedly, I wasn’t an expert on mountains and what made them big or small, but Mt. Shasta looked enormous from the highway. The massive mountain with defined peaks dominated my view as I passed it.
Following the visual giant, I modified my expectations for Crater Lake in Oregon. I assumed I’d see some pretty topography but nothing quite as magnificent as the gargantuan Mt. Shasta I’d passed.
Hours later, Crater Lake surprised me. It wasn’t only a breathtaking sight, it was spectacular. Not as stunning as the Pacific Ocean, which would always hold a special place in my heart, but the vast size of the lake surrounded by evergreens was beautiful.
I strolled along a path at the edge of the crater, inhaling the fresh air and soaking up the sun. I observed enthusiastic nature-buffs taking selfies. I even eavesdropped on their conversations, which mostly revolved around the majestic sight before us.
These people seemed down-to-earth and friendly. They smiled and issued a slight nod as they passed with their friends or family. They all had someone, unlike me, who had nobody. Nobody to take selfies with or ooh and ahh over nature at its purest.
It was just me—Anna Gordon—alone in the world. And my baby, who wasn’t showing its existence in my belly yet.
I sat on a rock, my lip quivering. I couldn’t fight my emotions anymore, so I gave into them and let it all go in a mammoth sob.
