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I get to my feet and head for the door, but Clarissa stops me before I can step outside. “Wait a minute.”
“What?”
She looks at me in silence, her eyes misty. “I could do with a hand washing the pots.”
It’s a transparent attempt to delay saying goodbye, but not one that I mind. “Oh. Then I guess I could help with that before I go.”
I follow her through to the kitchen. She washes and I dry. For a while, neither of us say anything. After a couple of minutes, Maddy appears in the doorway. “For the love of God, would you kiss her already?”
She vanishes as quickly as she came. It breaks the tension though, and I manage a smile. I look at Clarissa and she’s stifling a laugh. She turns to face me, hands covered in suds. “I was stupid,” she says. “I shouldn’t have told you to go.”
“Yes, you should. I am a bad influence. You’re right.”
“You’re not the man I thought you were.”
“I get it.”
“No, you don’t. I thought you killed because you wanted to. I had no idea about Isobel, about where those scars on your back came from.”
“Morgan couldn’t keep his mouth shut, I’m guessing.”
“I’m glad he told me. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because it’s my fault Isobel lost her parents. I tried to quit, and that’s what happened. It was all my fault.”
She slips her arms around me, pressing her head to my chest. “It wasn’t your fault,” she says quietly. “None of it was. You didn’t want to kill people for a living. You had no choice.”
“I liked it.”
“You told yourself that because what was the alternative? It’s all right. I get it now. You did what you had to. You made the best choices you could, given the circumstances. First chance you got to break free, you took it. You even spared my uncle because I asked you to. Jack, you can change. You have changed. You’re not the man I thought you were. You’re a man, not a monster.”
“I don’t think I am.”
“I believe in you, even if you don’t believe in yourself. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t want you to be in Sophie’s life.”
“I thought you didn’t want me in her life.”
“I didn’t want her life to be like mine. Guess what? It isn’t. She’s not part of the famiglia. She’s no clue how dark life can get and I want it to stay that way for as long as I can, but it can’t be forever. Shit will happen and I can only do the best I can. Same as you.”
“Are you saying you want me to stay?”
“We’ve got a spare room for Isobel,” Maddy shouts. “I notice you haven’t kissed Clarissa yet.”
Clarissa giggles. “I reckon Sophie would love a partner in crime for stealing cookies when our backs are turned. Why don’t you come and live here?”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
She leans back. I look down at her face. I missed it a lot more than I realized. Seeing it brings a rush of warmth to my soul, especially as she closes her eyes and purses her lips. “Maddy told you to kiss me. You better do it. She’s not a woman to be messed with.”
“I remember.”
I lean down, embracing her with everything I’ve got to give. My hands wrap around her and from the doorway I hear, “At last. You two are so dumb.”
I glance over, but Maddy’s not there. There’s only me and Clarissa and the sensation that nothing else matters but this moment together. It’s all that will ever matter.
21
