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I still won’t allow myself to hope, though. So it’s only when Irene appears in the kitchen ten minutes later, looking puffy-faced and sulky at being up so early but fully dressed for once, that I start to think maybe– just maybe– I’ve managed to get through to her. She pulls out a seat at the table and slumps down, and I sit down opposite her. But her first words don’t exactly fill me with confidence.
‘Right, I’m here.’ She heaves a belligerent sigh. ‘But I have to tell you, Clara, I feel like I’m back at school and I’ve been sent to the headteacher for misbehaving. If you start lecturing me, I’m warning you– I’m going straight back upstairs.’ She stares at me challengingly and my heart sinks.
She hasn’t got the message at all. She’s acting as if I’m being overanxious for no reason at all– thatI’mthe one in the wrong for getting worked up about her drinking, not her. Is there any point in even talking to her if she’s going to be on the defensive like this?
I stare at her coldly. ‘You obviously don’t believe I’m serious. You think it’s all a bit of a joke and that I’m overreacting. But I’m warning you, Irene, I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life. I’m going ahead with the kinship care order and you can fight me in court if you want.’
I stand up, holding my head high and walk out of the kitchen, leaving her sitting there...
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Full of anger and frustration, I grab my coat and pull on my trainers. Leaving the house, I only just manage to resist slamming the door off its hinges– mainly because I don’t want to wake up Bertie yet. It’s five past seven. An hour till I have to get him up and ready for school.
For now, I just need to be out of this house, breathing some fresh air.
Having no idea where I’m going, I start walking in the direction of Sunnybrook. It’s still dark at this time of the morning, and the pavements are a little treacherous from a hard frost overnight. But once I leave the housing estate behind and start walking along the main road into the village, I’m able to keep to the grass verge, which isn’t slippery at all.
My head is totally scrambled after confronting Irene. I just need to calm down a bit, and then I’ll start researching the kinship care idea. Because if I wait to get Lois and Irene on side, I fear I’ll be waiting forever.
I’m almost at the entrance of the farm that borders our estate when I’m aware of a car slowing down alongside me, on the other side of the road, and when I look over, my heart gives a little skip of joy because I recognise it.
I wave, thinking Rory is just going to drive on. But to my surprise, the car slows down and he pulls into a lay-by up ahead, waiting for me to catch up. His rear red lights are like twin beacons of hope in the wintry gloom, and I quicken my step. Rory’s just the person I need to talk to. He’ll understand about the kinship care order. But I’m so eager to get to him that I forget about the farm entrance on my right, and when I step off the grass verge onto the tarmac, I immediately hit an icy patch.
My feet slide out from under me and I land with a painful thud on my bottom.
I sit there, winded for a moment, feeling in my pocket for my phone, hoping I haven’t damaged it. And next thing I know, feet are running towards me, and then Rory is there, asking if I’m okay and holding out his hand to help me up.
Feeling a proper fool, I assure him I’m fine and he steers me over to the car and opens the passenger door for me. I get in with a grateful sigh, and the delicious warmth within wraps itself around me like a comforting hug.
‘Where are you off to so early?’ he asks. ‘Into the village, I presume?’
‘Actually, I was just walking... getting some fresh air.’
‘At this time of the morning?’ He frowns. ‘Has something happened?’
It’s the concerned note in his voice that’s my undoing. Tears prick at my eyelids. ‘It’s actually more a question ofnothinghappening,’ I murmur, blinking furiously. ‘I mean, nothing ever changes. Irene keeps on drinking, ignoring her responsibility to Bertie, and I’m starting to feel terrified that something bad will happen. And then it’ll be all my fault for not taking him away from such a bad situation sooner.’
‘Did you ever get to the bottom of who broke into your house?’ he asks. ‘Do you think Irene’s increased drinking is a reaction to that? It must have been really frightening.’
I nod. ‘Whoever it was, he was blackmailing her.’
‘Blackmail?’ He looks amazed. ‘But has she reported this to the police?’
‘No. She can’t. It’s... well, it’s all so complicated.’ Neither Lois nor Rory know that it was Irene who pawned the jewellery, pretending the intruder must have stolen it. And I’ve kept Irene’s secret because I didn’t want Lois to be even more destroyed by her mum’s behaviour than she already is. But now, of course, Rory will tell Lois about the blackmail– and Lois will be straight over her, demanding answers from Irene and driving them even further apart. It all makes me feel even more certain than I’m right to take action.
I look at Rory. ‘Everything’s such a mess. I’m... going to apply to be Bertie’s guardian. Irene and Lois will probably hate me, but I can’t think what else I can do.’
He nods slowly. ‘It seems a real shame it has to come to that. But you’re right. If Irene can’t be a proper mum to Bertie, what else can you do?’
There’s a pause as we stare ahead, thinking. My throat is hurting at the thought of taking Bertie away from Irene and Lois. I’m going to have to go back to the house in a moment and face Irene... and the thought of that makes me feel like crying. But if I start to cry, I have a feeling I might never be able to stop, so I bite my lip hard and the threat recedes.
Rory looks at his watch. ‘How about I buy you a coffee? They should be serving breakfast at the Swan. Then we can talk some more.’
I glance at him doubtfully. ‘But weren’t you on your way somewhere?’
He gives a wry grin. ‘The village shop for bacon and eggs. Too much alcohol drunk last night. Lois is badly hungover and a fry-up generally sorts her out.’
‘So she’ll be expecting you back soon, then?’
