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I felt like I had rocks in my mouth as I spewed my bullshit. It was ridiculous but I couldn’t take it back. My lie was all about getting my buddy back for good. The results? I still feel like I lost both, because Edgar still hasn’t forgiven me. And I haven’t heard from Scar.
I sigh and decide that, even if there is one person who hates me, I must continue to live. To act as if all that had not existed, as if the distance was not there and that everything was fine. Maybe if I pretend, I’ll believe that everything is okay. I get up slowly, get rid of my jeans, and put on the first joggers I find on the floor, then join the guys in the living room. Their conversation stops the moment I arrive, and I simply ignore the embarrassment I read on their faces and flop down on the couch with them.
“Pizza tonight?” suggests Leo.
I just nod my head.
“I’ll order a tr—”
He doesn’t finish his sentence, because the door of the apartment opens in a draft, and the silhouette which materializes completely destroys all my good resolutions. Scarlett glances at us sitting on the couch as if nothing had happened. The glint of sadness I see in her eyes crushes my heart a little more. I can imagine from here the wheels of her brain turning, believing that it was only her who was the problem in this living situation. That it was only her departurethat we were waiting for to find ourselves. Between friends. But she’s wrong. If she knew how much everything went wrong from the moment she walked through that door the first time. She would understand thatnothingis right.
“I’m just here to pick up a few things,” Scarlett says, making her way to her room.
I force myself to sit still, my throat blocked by a huge lump.
I’ve missed her every fucking day.
Seeing her in front of me brings back such a strong feeling in my chest that I know that, no matter what, I could never have avoidedthis. She and I. I look away and stare at the black TV screen, ignoring Edgar who gets up from the couch to join her in the bedroom. We can’t hear what they’re saying to each other, but when they come back into the living room, they’re still talking sharply. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from getting up and hugging her.
I missed her voice.
“Tell mom that there’s no point in calling me,” Edgar blurts out. “Especially if it’s to get on my nerves.”
“I didn’t ask her to do it,” Scarlett snaps.
I breathe in for a long moment, closing my eyes, and Leo at my side taps his foot against the ground, obviously ready to intervene if something goes wrong.
“Maybe, but she did it the moment you decided to go back home without even telling her why. Couldn’t you go to your boyfriend’ or your friends’? No, you had to involve the parents.”
“In case you’ve forgotten, I’m not with Corey anymore, haven’t been for a long time!” Scarlett snaps. “But you don’t care because it’s all about your little world. Your little life and that’s it. You don’t give a shit about what other people feel.”
Edgar sneers and I look up at them, not realizing until then that I’ve stood up with Leo to approach them.
“I’m reassured, for a moment I thought that you had beendeceiving everybody, both of you.” He turns to me to judge me smugly. “But apparently, it’s justme! Luckily for Corey, he didn’t have to go through all that.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, and I didn’t come here to argue.”
She drops a suitcase in front of the front door, rolls her eyes, and hurries back to her room. I leave everyone else behind and rush after her. When I enter her room, I feel the void that her absence had left in me. Seeing her wandering around here, like before, it gives me a blow that I really wasn’t prepared for.
“Scar,” I say in a low voice.
She turns around, tensing up, and I don’t have time to open my mouth to talk to her. Apologize. Hold her back. Tell her how much I regret everything that’s happening to us that I get pushed around. A body hits mine, and two hands grab the collar of my T-shirt to press me against the first wall with force.
“What do you think you’re doing, Jones?”
“Dude, let him go! He wasn’t doing anything!”
Leo puts a hand on his shoulder, but neither Edgar nor I look at him, still sizing each other up like two wild animals. This time it’s clear, the subject isn’t closed. The story is far from over, and between him and me. The week of silence, lies, and unsaid words have only increased this palpable tension. I don’t know if it’s Scarlett’s presence, or just the feeling of helplessness I felt before that just disappeared seeing Edgar lose his temper, but I can’t hold myself back anymore.
I glare at him without blinking and exclaim, “What do you think I’m doing?”
“Don’t touch my sister, do you understand?”
“I don’t need your approval, Ed, it’s too late for that.”
The sucker punch comes out of nowhere. I felt it before I ever saw it happen and the pain on my cheekbone makes me dizzy. My skull smashes against the wall and I barely have timeto stop myself from falling before a second fist collides with my abdomen. I stifle a gasp of pain, then nothing. When I look up in my buddy’s direction, he’s held back by Leo, who pushes him back, not without difficulty.
Edgar glares at me and I run a hand over my cheek before realizing that fingers have landed there, too. Scarlett has crouched down in front of me and is looking at me in panic, examining the mark on my face until her eyes meet mine. I can’t hold back my smile, because feeling the warmth of her body, the smell of her skin, and being so close to her after days of absence makes my heart swell. I know she still loves me I can tell by the way she worries. By the glint in her eyes, and though she struggles not to let it show, in that moment she let her guard down enough for me to know she was in pain. Because of me. She immediately steps back and stands up. I sigh, clasping a hand around my stomach as I struggle to get up.
