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“Scarlett, you know you don’t have to push yourself, right? If you feel like you’re not getting attached, it’s better to let go, right? I mean, this guy looks smitten. He likes you, you can tell, like the nose in the middle of the face. And you…”
“I know,” I reply. “I’m good with him but, I’m… lost.”
“Don’t worry about all this,” Carol continues. “You are beautiful, you’ll find someone else. If you need a break, leave Corey. If you still feel good with him, then give him a chance. You’re the master of your own choices.”
I just smile, both reassured that the girls aren’t judging me and uncomfortable. Whatever they may say, it’s a tough choice I have to make. Because I don’t know if I want to break or stay…
***
Lying on the couch, I’ve been texting with Corey for a few minutes now, and when he asks me how my day went with the girls, something unlocks inside me. I understand that even if I’m lost, he’s good to me and not giving him a chance to stand up against the impossible fantasy that I’m having about Nolan is letting every other guy fail to seduce me. It’s now or never. Either I agree to bring another guy into my life for good, or I sign the end of my love life.
I already tried moving to the other side of the world and that didn’t work. I’m not sure I can get this damn crush out of my head.
I sigh, returning my eyes to the TV screen. It’s after one o’clock and I know for a fact—my brother—that no one is coming home tonight. A party is planned with some guys fromthe team at Milo’s, and if some of them crash there, others will probably end their evening in a nightclub. In short, I’m free to spend my night where I want. For now, it will be on the couch. Feet wedged under a woolen plaid blanket, hot flashes suddenly make me get up to open the window. I put on a basic pair of shorts, and I enjoy the joys of being braless, letting my breasts live their best life under my old faded tank top.
But as I lean out the window to get some fresh air, the front door opens. My whole body tenses up and I turn quickly. My eyes make contact with two dark brown marbles, far from surprised to see me here. We stare at each other for a moment, and Nolan closes the door without a word. He throws his keys into the entrance bowl and then walks along the living room to reach his bedroom.
Damn, what the hell is he doing home?
It wasmynight.
Legs feverish and a knot in my stomach at the thought of him coming back early, I sit back down on the couch. Bending my knees to my chest, I pull the blanket over me to cover myself. I stare at the television, my ears perked to the sounds I hear in the apartment, and hope inwardly that he doesn’t decide to leave his room. Even though we promised to act as if nothing had changed between us, to find myself once again on this couch with him, when less than two weeks ago I made the monumental mistake of speaking from my heart, causes a surge of panic. I purse my lips together and an all too invigorating sensation spreads from my mouth to between my legs. The arousal overwhelms me, and I close my eyes. I squeeze my thighs together, numbering in my head all the reasons why I shouldn’t feel this way.
A silent weight moves the cushion next to me. I turn my head towards the feeling of heat on my bare arm and find the only other person in this apartment. The one I would have liked toavoid for a while longer.
Or forever.
He put on jogging pants and an off-white T-shirt. With his arms resting nonchalantly on his legs, he turns his face toward me, staring at me. We haven’t exchanged a single word since he walked through the door and even a blind man would have known that something was wrong between us.
I still don’t understand how my brother and Leo can’t see what it is happening.
After a long second, he sighs and just grabs the remote from the coffee table to start the latest episode ofCrash Landing on You.
It’s his way of making a move towards me.
18
Nolan
I’ve been sitting on this couch with Scarlett for over fifteen minutes now. She didn’t move an inch, keeping the blanket against her chest while staring at the TV screen as if I wasn’t there. If I didn’t know her so well, I’d swear she didn’t see me—despite the moment our eyes met. But she saw me, she’s just doing her best to make me believe otherwise. Pretending that my presence doesn’t make her uncomfortable.
When it’s not true.
And I admit it pisses me off.
Her body is tense, her jaw twitches as soon as I look at her stealthily and her hands are clenched on the fluffy fabric. It’s been a week since I spoke to her in the campus parking lot, and things havenotchanged. Maybe I’m partly to blame. I didn’t try to come back to her like before, in the hallway when I passed her, in the kitchen, or all the other rooms in this apartment we share. Because I was sick of her acting like that, stupidly avoiding me. Her brother even asked me if something was wrong with Scarlett.
She kissed me.
My eyes instinctively slide to her lips, and I see her purse them. I turn away immediately and continue to stare absently at the images on the screen. Trying for the hundredth time this week to push back the memories of Scarlett lying under me on this couch, as she presses her mouth to mine. I run a weary hand over my face. I lied to Edgar. Swearing to him that his sister was just had a bit of a headache and that I had better things to do than try to make her smile. It was almost true. I chose to focus on Harriet, my classes, hockey, rather than chasing after Scarlett. I know she needs to take a step back from what she did, and no matter what she told me, she hasn’tforgotten.
Except that I’m disappointed that shealsolet distance grow between us.
Sometimes I catch her blushing when our arms brush against each other, when we’re together in a room, or when she’s forced to face me as we exit the bathroom. This has never happened to her before. Never. And it took one inadvertent moment for her to change with me.
It was stupid, so maybe I preferred to give up. Give her space, foolishly thinking she was going to come back on her own. Like a grown-up. But she took even more distance. I’m not an idiot, I know she spent her week at her boyfriend’s for a reason: she was trying to get away from the apartment. And me.
It really pissed off her brother, that she took refuge at Corey’s at the slightest opportunity. Leo, on the other hand, supports her. It’s Scar, he adores her and he’s the only one who finds this guy nice.
