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“You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
She stops short, staring at me intensely, I know she is giving me a helping hand. She gives me a sign, despite how I hurt her earlier. She’s telling me that I have a chance to make up for it, a tiny one, to tell the truth. I look at her hesitantly before returning my attention to Edgar, who is in a rage. His mouth remains a straight line and his eyebrows are touching. All his features are distorted with rage and I falter. It’s twenty years of friendship that face me, against three weeks of relationship that—despite the emotions I’m going through—has no chance of competing. It’s always been like that after all, bros and nothing else. So, the asshole that I’m doesn’t take the opportunity to make up for it and I keep silent. She sighs and slings her bag over her shoulder.
“What are you playing at man, seriously?” mutters Edgar.
“Stop it, Ed,” I snarl. “I’m not playing at anything. I’m just trying to keep your sister leaving.”
“She does what she wants, right? After all, I’d rather have her sleeping on the street than with you.”
“Honestly, you all disgust me,” Scarlett hisses, rushing down the hall.
She pushes aside Leo who tries to hold her back, and I stay in the room with Edgar. The duel in which we throw ourselves says a lot about what is going on between us. He hates me and I feelmiserable.
“What are you going to do now, fuck my mother, just to have the complete list of Martins?”
“Do you want to be on this list?” I quip sarcastically.
The throbbing pain in my chest makes me say anything and I use my only weapon of defense, inappropriate humor. Because right now I’m losing control of everything. My friendship with Edgar, my relationship with Scarlett, the balance we had found. I blame my buddy for reacting like that, letting Scarlett go without holding her back and not opening his eyes to see what’s really between us. I blame myself even more, for letting things get out of hand rather than apologizing, rather than screaming that I’m in love with her and no one else, that this is all for real. Instead of choosing common sense, I just defy Edgar.
“You’re just an asshole!”
I shake my head, disgusted by everything that’s going on, by everything that I’ve been trying to prevent for weeks and that is blowing up in my face a thousand times worse than I imagined.
“I swear that if anything happens to your sister because you let her leave here, I’ll kill you with my own hands!” I exclaim as I walk down the hall.
“You have no right to say that,” I hear Edgar spit. “To act like that.”
I ignore his remark and rush to the front door of the apartment, which is wide open and from which I can still see Leo’s back. I trot over to him and position myself right next to him, staring at Scarlett with all the pain, distress, and confusion I felt inside.
“Scar, don’t go,” I whisper.
She glares at me.
“You lost the right to talk to me, Nolan. I don’t want to see you again.”
“Scarlett, please. I—”
“Nolan, go back inside” Leo orders. “She doesn’t want to see you!”
“It’s going to be dark! It’s crazy to let her leave this apartment while she’s in this state. Damn it!”
“I’ll take care of it,” Leo says.
Then Leo grabs the door handle and slams the door in my face. I find myself alone in the doorway and run both hands through my hair, pulling at my locks forcefully. I want to scream, to blow up, to cry, to smash every square foot of this fucking apartment. I do nothing, remembering that a few weeks earlier I had busted my knuckles against the wall of a seedy bar and that it had taken me days to recover.
“I can’t believe you kissed my sister.”
I jump when I hear Edgar’s cold tone. My shoulders tense and I turn to his voice. He’s standing in the middle of the living room, his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. He doesn’t look upset anymore. No, the emotion running through his features is much worse. It’s pure devastation. A desolation so great that my heart burst into a thousand pieces.
“I think I need a breather too,” he whispers, his voice shaking.
Then, as if to confirm his words, he walks around me without touching me and leaves the apartment. The heavy silence settles in a fraction of a second and I find myself overwhelmed by my loneliness, my cowardice, and a huge loss.
My best friend left me.
And I left my girlfriend.
35
