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He looked puzzled for a moment. “Alexandra, he still goes overseas. In fact, Jake told me today that we need to push back our next training session at least a week because Alex and Trevor have to go overseas to deal with an issue.”
My blood ran cold in my veins. “What?”
“You didn’t know?” He seemed surprised. “I’m sorry, but if you two have such a great relationship, why didn’t he tell you that himself?”
“He told me he was going out of town,” I replied with a frown. He just didn’t tell me he was going to a war zone, I thought to myself.
“Oh, well, you might want to think about why he didn’t tell you that himself.” He squeezed my shoulder and walked away, leaving me staring at the wall.
Why didn’t Alex tell me he was going overseas? He had made it sound like a regular business trip, not a journey to hell. Suddenly, the lighthearted cloud vanished, and my feet slammed into the floor. I slowly sank into the chair behind me as dread and fear began to take its place. I could not be involved with a man who was going to be putting himself in harm’s way. Not after losing Will and my brother. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle another five years of running on autopilot and trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered soul.
My fingers went to the necklace that he had given to me last night, and I blinked back tears. I was going to have to give it back to him tonight and tell him that I could not do this. It wasn’t fair of him to even ask me to.
With that decided, I went back to my office and tried to focus on my work. When I got home, I began to clean my apartment. It wasn’t dirty, but I needed to be busy. Alex sent me a message around seven, asking if he could stop by in a little while, and I told him yes. I stood in front of the mirror and slowly removed the necklace that he had given me.
I couldn’t accept his heart if he was going to be traveling overseas. I’d done that once before. I couldn’t do that again.
With the necklace tucked back into the box, I set it on the kitchen counter and paced until he arrived. He was bright-eyed and full of energy when he stepped into my apartment and pulled me into his arms. I went and knew it was the last time I would ever be there. I wanted time to stop, for it all not to be true.
He leaned back, staring down at me, his gray eyes serious. “What’s wrong?”
There was no beating around the bush. “You didn’t tell me you were going overseas.”
“I told you I was going on a trip.”
“Yes,” I stepped out of his grasp, my heart aching as it prepared to split in two, “but you neglected to tell me where.”
I heard him sigh as I stepped away to retrieve the necklace.
“I was going to, but I didn’t want to ruin last night, Lexi.”
I turned to him, holding the box out to him. “I’m sorry, Alex. I can’t accept this.”
He looked shocked. “Why? It was a birthday gift.”
“Yes, and you said a piece of your heart. I can’t take a piece of your heart. You can’t ask me to do that. Ican’tdo that. Not again, Alex. You know I lost Will, and I can’t fall in love with someone who is going to be risking their life, over and over again. Ican’tdo that, Alex. Please, don’t ask me to do that.” I begged and couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks as I felt my heart begin to separate. He stepped forward, and I shuffled back. “Please take this and go. I hope you have a safe trip, Alex. I really do.”
“Lexi, don’t do this. I promise I’ll be back before Valentine’s Day, and we can talk then. Please don’t break this off before we have time to discuss it.”
“Alex, I can’t.” I swiped at a tear. “I can’t care about you and worry that you’ll come home to me. I can’t do that again. I lost five years of my life after Will died; I am just now starting to live again. I can’t lose you just when I’m starting to love you. It’s not fair to me!”
He lunged forward, grabbing my face. “You can’t let me go if you are falling in love with me, Lexi. I feel the same way, and I don’t want to leave you, but I have to go. I promise we will discuss this when I get back. Please, do not destroy the best thing either of us has had in a long time.”
“I can’t, Alex. I wish I could, but I can’t.” I saw the pain of my words as they crossed his features and wished that I could take them back, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t fair to ask me to. “Please go,” I whispered.
“Alexandra, please!” He leaned closer. “Please do not do this. I promise I will come back.”
“I learned a long time ago that you can’t promise that. No one can. Not Will, not Chad, not you. You know how dangerous it is over there. What have you been teaching in those classes? It’s dangerous over there, right? Well, I can’t be here waiting to see if you’ll return. I can’t look at building a future with you if there might not be any chance that there won’t be one.”
Lines creased his forehead as he shifted back. The hold on my face softened, and then his hands were gone as they dropped to his sides. He looked around the room, then at the box that I held in my hand. He slowly took it. “This was a gift.”
“And I can’t accept it, Alex. I’m sorry.”
He nodded, then started to turn away but paused halfway. “For the record, I was falling in love with you, too, Lexi. I saw a future with you, and I thought that is what you wanted.”
I wanted to throw my arms around him, wanted to beg him to stay, but I didn’t. I kept my mouth shut and watched him leave. When the door closed, I made it to the couch before I crumbled into a heap and began to cry in earnest.
