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"Is God involved?" she asked.
"What? Involved how?"
"Are you involving God in the decision to date this man?"
"I don't know how I would," I said.
"I married a good man," Sarah said.
"I know," I agreed.
"But he's in a position of power at his job, and there have been times when women approach him. I have dealt with fears—across the board in my life. They're not limited to fears about Donnie. I've had lots of times when I didn't want to follow through with something because I was fearing the outcome. But you can try and see through a God lens and eliminate possible bad choices."
"Like what?"
"Okay, for instance, if I were in your shoes, the first thing I would ask is whether or not this man is a believer. That's important to me because Biblical principles matter when you're trying to form a good, steady relationship. I would try to involve God from the start. Ultimately, if I've done everything I can to stay in God's will, beyond that, I just have to trust. Trust God. Trust others in my life. Trusting God makes trusting others easier. That's my best advice. Don and I have been married for twenty-six years, and ultimately that God-centered mentality filters down to us trusting each other and just makes for a good honest family life. I promise Donnie and I have had our failures, but that's the truth. The Bible says to trust God with all your heart and not depend on your own understanding. It says if you acknowledge Him in your choices, He'll make your path straight. Looking back, my path has been straight. It's a good, fun life I have with family and memories—it's a nice, straight, fun path, and I've only stayed on it by God's grace. I'm not saying I'm exempt from problems. I hit roadblocks. I've had tears and frustration. But I do have a promise that my path will be easier and straighter if I keep Him at the center of it. What I'm trying to say is that your brain might be choosing fear, but you can overrule it and lean on trusting God."
"Are you saying this relationship would work out if he's a Christian? Because I know the guy's a Christian."
"Oh, well that's a great start," she said, smiling. "But that's not exactly what I'm saying. It can't hurt. What's his name?"
"Why-att. Wyatt." I hadn't expected her to ask me that, and I had been about to ask herwhyshe wanted to know, but then I realized it was an odd thing for me to say, so I just made up a name. "His name is Wyatt. Wyatt Palmer." I knew a guy named Wyatt Palmer in high school, but I hadn't seen or thought about him in years.
"That's a nice name. And I'll be praying for you that you feel led one way or another with Wyatt. You have a few more weeks to think about it before you head back home, don't you?"
"Yes, I'll be here through the first week of August."
"Oh, yeah, almost another month. But for what it's worth, I do, as a general rule, Holland, believe that love trumps fear any day. If your heart is being tugged in this direction, don't let your past stop you. I say go for it. I'm feeling good about this Wyatt guy."
"Please don't mention this to anyone," I said, feeling sick to my stomach at the thought that she would say that name in front of Beau.
"I promise, I won't. My lips are sealed, sweetheart."
Chapter 11
All morning, I could not stop thinking about Beau in relation to everything his aunt had been saying. I thought about how she seemed so happy with her life choices and her family, and I felt the urge to get on a similar path. I felt like I wanted a family, and I wanted it with Beau.
But I was probably getting carried away.
There were still so many variables.
We definitely shared physical attraction. That part was not in question. Attraction was certain.
It was everything else that was uncertain.
So far, we just behaved like friends who kissed when no one was looking. I no longer wanted to settle for that with Beau, but he had said from the beginning that he didn't want a relationship with a girl like me—that he was scared of me. It hurt to think about that. I didn't know what he meant when he said it back then, and I still didn't. I had no idea what I could do to be good enough for him.
I felt restless all morning, and I worked intensely in an attempt to distract myself from Beau and my feelings for him. I hated that he was leaving, but I thought it might be for the best because I didn't know what to do with all these emotions. I focused on work, but then, out of nowhere, I would start thinking about him again. I would get my hopes up and start telling myself that maybe Beau was waiting on me to say I was ready for a relationship. As far as he knew, I was the one who didn't want a boyfriend. Maybe he had changed his mind about me.
I experienced a myriad of thoughts and feelings that morning, and by noon, I was still as confused as ever. All I knew for sure was that I had gotten myself into trouble with my fake boyfriend.
It was just past noon when I heard a knock at my door. "Come in!" I called from my chair.
My heart skipped a beat at the sight of Beau, but I stayed in my chair and waved him into my living room area. "Where's my man?" he asked, looking around as he came inside.
"Your dad took him. He had to go to the hardware store in Graham Springs, and he asked if Ralphie could go. He's been stuck in here with me all morning, so he was happy to take a ride with your dad. I think he's bringing back burgers for lunch."
"That's what mom was saying. I didn't realize Dad had Ralphie, though. He loves that dog. I bet he gets a Jack Russell when he gets back to Houston."
