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I nodded.
She covered my hand with hers and held it closer to her face. "Not as much as you did. But it's done. It's over."
She laid back down, her head on my lap. I started running my fingers through her hair.
We were silent for so long that eventually her breathing evened out. She'd fallen asleep. I tried not to disturb her as I moved from under her, but she woke. Her arms went around me, holding me onto her.
"I just need some water," I lifted my hand, "and aspirin. You want anything?"
She shook her head as she got more comfortable under the covers. "Come back, okay?"
***
When I got back to her room, she was sitting up, the covers bunched at her waist. "You took your time."
"Sorry." I stood at the foot of her bed, not sure what to do.
She lifted the covers on one side. "Are you coming in?"
I unbuckled my belt and started to take my jeans off. I noticed her watching me. I kicked them off and removed my shirt. Not wanting to see her reaction, I quickly got into her bed, and turned off the lamp.
We were lying side by side, not talking, not touching.
Then I felt her move to her side. "Why didn't you call?" she whispered, sadness consumed in her tone.
I turned to face here. A single tear fell from her eyes. I wanted to reach out and take away her pain. But I don't. I just lay there, trying to ignore the ache in my chest. "I promise, I'll tell you. But not tonight, okay?"
She nodded as she moved closer. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her head to my chest. Her arm went around my waist while her legs tangled with mine. We were as close as we could possibly be.
And for the first time in days—being with her—like this—holding her—I finally felt like I could breathe again.
TWENTY SIX
Amanda
I woke up the next morning to Logan's phone alarm going off, then his deep rumble from underneath me. My head was on his chest, our legs tangled and his arms around me.
His hand was gentle in my hair as he pulled back from me. Then we were face to face.
He smiled. "God, Amanda. I'd be the luckiest asshole in world if I got to wake up like this, with you in my arms, every goddamn day." He kissed my forehead, and my eyes fell shut.
When he pulled back he just looked at me. "I need you to forgive me," he breathed out, both hands on my face. I don't know if he was asking or telling, or if he was even talking to me. It was like a thought in his head that had to be voiced.
I opened my mouth to speak but he interrupted. "Don't say anything. I need to show you something," he said, his eyes moving all over my face. "Can I show you something, please? Ethan and I are going to see the team doc, but after that, will you...let me take you somewhere?
I nodded slowly.
"Okay," he said, taking my hand and kissing my wrist.
Logan
I told Ethan it was me that summer—the one that she broke up with Tyson for. I told him in the car on the way to the field and he didn't say shit. But now we were here, outside of the car, standing face to face. I could see he wanted to hit me. I'd take it. I'd take whatever beating he gave me.
He glared, squaring his shoulders.
I did the same.
"I kind of want to punch you," he said.
I nodded.
"Why did you even tell me?"
"Because I wanted to. And because you needed to know. So that when I asked you—no—told you—that I couldn't not be with her—then at least you'd know the truth."
"Fine," he muttered.
And that was that.
Amanda
He drove to a strip of stores near campus and parked on the side of the road. I got out and made it two steps before I felt his hand on mine, linking our fingers.
"So, have you checked out this area much? The stores and stuff?" he asked, his hand squeezing a little tighter.
I shook my head. "Not really. It's kind of hard with the one car."
"Good." He stopped in the middle of the footpath, and then moved us to the side so we were out of people’s way. "I want to show you something. If that's okay?"
I nodded.
His grip on my hand got tighter as he led me down a few streets and into a sketchy alleyway. It was a dead end with no signs and barely any stores.
"Are you going to murder me?" I asked, only half joking.
He chuckled, pulling me to the end of the alley, and into a doorway.
When we walked inside, I froze.
I looked up at Logan who was smiling at me.
"Smell it," he deadpanned.
So I did.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.
It's that familiar smell of books that I loved so much.
"How did you find this place?"
I wanted to ask him how he remembered, but he's made it clear he remembers a lot from that night.
"I'll tell you later," he said. But I'd already tuned him out as I looked around. It was shelves upon shelves of books, magazines, comics, everything. He squeezed my hand to get my attention. "There's a coffee spot hidden in the corner there," he pointed, but all I could see were shelves of books. "Go play." He smiled at me. "I'll be waiting."
So I did.
Like a frickin kid in a candy store I walked down the aisles, as slow as I could, taking everything in.
I had a handful of books before I got to where he was sitting, drinking a coffee, head in a biology textbook.
I dropped the books on the table, causing him to look up. He saw my pile and smiled up at me. "That was quick."
