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I’ve been obsessed with her ever since. I hang on every word from her soft pink lips, wanting to ask for more details, but not knowing how. I know every time that she’s staring at me because I’m always watching her.
Gwen has become my whole goddamn world in the last three months, and the truth is that I don’t know what I’m going to do when she leaves.
Probably go back to locking myself away from the world.
“You should ask her out,” Kai says, startling me from my thoughts.
I don’t say anything, I just look over toward his house. Kai finally admitted to Oakley that he’s been in love with her since they were kids, and now, they’re living together and so in love. All of my brothers are, actually, and I know they just want me to be happy and settled too, but that won’t happen.
I can’t give Gwen what she wants, so it’s better if I just keep my distance.
The gouges and marks on my right side from the bull accident didn’t just cut me up. I was bucked off and the bull ended up getting me with his horns before kicking me in the balls. I was somehow able to roll away and limp to safety after that.
Five surgeries, extensive skin grafts, and several months of physical therapy saved my life, but the accident left me infertile. It was a shock, but honestly, I hadn’t thought much about kids. Until Gwen.
After listening to her talk about her teaching degree and how excited she is to finally be shadowing in a classroom this semester, I know she wants kids. She’s going to be an incredible teacher and an even better mother. It kills me that I can’t give her the family she so desperately wants. Gwen joked in passing once that she wants a football team of kids. I died a little bit inside, knowing I’d never have a chance to make her dreams come true.
I’ve been trying to push her away all summer, but it’s damn near impossible to keep my distance. When I’m not pining over her every word, I’m wondering what she’s doing, if she’s happy, and if I’d have a chance with her under different circumstances.
“Remy?” Kai says rather forcefully. I blink, turning to look back at him.
“What?” I ask, making him roll his eyes.
“You should stop daydreaming about her and just ask her out already.”
“I can’t,” I tell him. He frowns.
“Why not?”
“I’m not what she wants.”
“Uh, really? Because we’ve all seen the way you two stare at each other.”
“I’m a mystery to her. That’s all.”
“Bullshit.”
I shrug, even though his words have my heart racing. It’s easier to ignore her if I make myself believe she’s just interested in me because I’m quiet and don’t give out much personal information. I can’t even entertain the idea of her wanting me. It might just ruin the last bit of self-control I have.
“Just ask her out, man. You used to ride bulls. That has to be scarier than asking a pretty girl out on a date.”
It’s not, but I don’t tell him that.
“I should get back to work,” I tell him. Kai sighs.
“Griz and Wyatt will be by soon to talk about this with you, too,” he reminds me. I groan internally.
“Great,” I mutter
“We just want you to be happy,” he tells me. I force a smile to my lips.
“I am,” I lie.
“No, you’re not, but you could be.”
With that, he turns and heads back toward his own barn. I watch him go.
I know he’s right, but I can’t do that to Gwen. I can’t make her choose between me and the one thing that she’s always wanted.
