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“Why are you getting so mad, brother?” he goads. “You proved me right.” He laughs, hanging from my clenched fists.
I throw him back down on the couch, his raspy erratic laughter echoing in my ears as I turn my back to pace my floor.
He’s trying to get under my skin, hitting me where it hurts. This is a blood sport for him. But Ididprove him right, and that’s probably what she actually thinks; that she was a fling. Good enough to fuck, but not good enough to date.
I twist around, pointing my finger in his face. “Why do youhateme so fucking much?”
He crosses one leg over the other and stretches his arms, resting them on the back of my couch. “What are you talking about? You’re my brother… I love you.”
I narrow my eyes on him and laugh, taking one step closer. “This can’t just be about jealousy…” I say, baring my teeth. “Did mom give me more attention, is that it? Dad took me to one too many dinners without inviting you?”
“I’m not fucking jealous of you. Why would I be?” His jaw tightens as a deep shade of red inches up his neck.
“No, that’s it, isn’t it?” I taunt, finally wanting to get to bottom of this cluster-fuck of a relationship. “You’re jealous, aren’t you? You were the only child, then they brought me home, and you had to share.”
“Shut up,” he spits, bringing his clenched fists into his lap.
“Share their time, their home, their affection… Just admit it,” I keep pushing, stepping closer as my shadow casts over him. “You wish they would have left me in the fucking gutter where they found me, all so you’d have them to yourself. What’s the matter, Hayden? All the money in the world wasn’t enough?”
“Shut up…” His tone was shaking, losing the battle to remain in control. The tables turning, poisoning him with his own venom.
“The ivy league education wasn’t enough?”
“Shut thefuckup, Aleck.” He sits up straight, clearly on the verge of losing his fucking shit. So I push. I push the same way he does when he wants to see me break.
“College-level tutors in junior high, a maid, a Benz when you turned sixteen, a goddamned all-state lacrosse championship—”
Hayden snaps from his seat and pushes me. “Shut up!”
I stumble back but gain my footing and step back into his face, nose to nose.
“Nothing was enough for you,” I continue. “You had everything, and I had nothing, and youstillhated me. Why?”
“Because from the moment you came into my life, everything went to shit,” he shouts, his spit hitting my cheek.
I throw my arms open. “I wasten!”
“So was I!”
I stare Hayden down, and he does the same. My chest sliced wide open, heaving so hard I feel like I could puke. I take a deep, cleansing breath and lower my voice.
“They barely fed me, Hayden. My mom let men come over to fuck her for drugs when my dad was at work. Some of them liked me more than her, so she made me watch them jerk off as payment. My parents hated my guts because I needed clothes, food, and attention. My life was shit.”
“I know. Weallknow. Poor Aleck needed so much because he was given so little. Richard and Midge put so much into their new little boy, they didn’t even realize what was going on with the one they already had. All they did was repair one boy’s pain while ignoring the other’s.”
I swallow hard, my brow dipping curiously. “Tell me then. Tell me what you went through. I’m all ears, but this is your last shot with me, Hayden. Because I’m tired of feeling like I did something wrong just because I was adopted by your parents.”
Hayden sniffs, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. He plops back onto the couch, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter…” No longer riding a surge of adrenaline, he lets his head fall back onto the cushion. “I’m fucking tired.”
I let my muscles rest and shake my head. I sit back in my leather armchair, my eyes scan the mess I made when I flipped my coffee table. That was a $800 bottle of single malt, damnit.
“She used to go to every game… Every single practice…” Hayden’s voice pulls me back to our conversation.
“Mom?”
His head still resting back and his eyes still closed, he nods. His chest rises and falls at a steady, relaxed pace. “Until the day she got the call that a little boy needed a home, that is. She left my game early that day. I didn’t even know she was gone until Coach told me he spoke with my mother and he’d be giving me a ride home.”
Hayden’s shoulder and arm slide down the cushion until he’s lying on his side, his hands steepled under his cheek like a sleeping child. And for the first time, I see a man so flawed it’s almost endearing.Humaneven.
