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“No. I knew better than to rebuke you, so I did my wifely duty with no argument.”
Owen paced in front of the fireplace, no longer able to keep still, restless in body and spirit. “Was I such an uncaring bastard?”
“To me, yes.”
His face scrunched up as he cursed.
“Now you see why I didn’t want to tell you these things. It pains me to see you this way.”
“Just tell me the rest. You’ve gone this far.”
“Your plan worked.” Selena met his intent look. “I discovered I was with child two months after you left for London. I wrote to tell you, but you did not respond. No doubt you thought it beneath you to come and see me until the child was born.” She couldn’t stop the bitterness which crept into her voice.
“What happened?”
Selena sighed. “A month later, I lost the baby. The doctor said it happened sometimes, especially with the first pregnancy. He told me it should not prevent me from trying again. It took me a week to get up the courage to write you of the news.” Her hand had trembled as she had written the letter, knowing full well Owen would be furious, and he had not disappointed.
“You came home. I remember how you ranted at me, cursing me, saying I must have done something to lose the baby. You said you never should have married me.”
Owen winced.
“After that, you left for London and didn’t return for almost two years. At some point, you had left with the Army for an assignment, although I couldn’t tell you where. When you finally came home, you told me you would get me with child again, and you did.”
By that time, Selena had been numb to anything that concerned her husband. She stayed in her own world at Stonegate. When Owen was there with her, she did everything in her power to keep out of his way. When he had parties, she would retire early, not up to seeing him openly flirt with other women or boast about his exploits.
“Did I leave again?” Owen asked.
“Eventually, you became bored, as you always did, and left. This time, I did not tell you when I found out I was with child again. I feared what would happen if I lost another babe.”
The corded muscles in Owen’s neck tightened, barely concealing the discontent which lay beneath the surface. “Tell me the rest. Even though I know the ending, I need to know how you lost this child.”
Selena swallowed, suddenly losing her voice. “You came home unannounced. It was late in the evening, and you were drunk.” She crinkled her nose, remembering the stench of his breath as he’d yelled at her. “You cursed me, threatening to divorce me on the grounds of my infertility. You said that I had tricked you into marriage.”
The words that had come from Owen’s mouth that night had cut deeper than any other, before or since.
“When I tried to tell you I was pregnant, you came at me. I thought you were going to strike me.” She peered at Owen, his rounded eyes fixed on her. “You did not hit me. Instead, you laughed at me, called me weak, too timid to ever give you strong sons. I went to bed that night fearing you would find a way to divorce me. Even though I would have been glad to be rid of you, I knew the stigma of a divorce would never leave me.”
“I’m sorry.”
She continued as if she had not heard him. “That night I woke up, the bed sheets covered in blood. I had lost another child. The doctor was called and confirmed my worst fear. I know he spoke with you, but I don’t know what was said. All I know is you left the next day, and I barely saw you until the day you left for New Zealand.”
“But I didn’t go through with the divorce.”
“No, and I don’t know why. Perhaps you didn’t feel the need to have children since the earldom was to go to your brother, or mayhap you were content with your mistresses. I suppose we shall never know.”
“I don’t remember that time. I recall other arguments with you; belittling you, cursing our marriage, but nothing regarding your pregnancies.”
Selena’s blood turned cold. “What do you mean, you remember?” When had this happened?
Owen pressed his lips together and shook his head, turning from her. “I didn’t want to tell you.” He pivoted to face her.
“Why?”
“Because I was afraid you would turn away from me. Haven’t I done enough to cause you distress? What good would it have done to tell you?” He walked up to her. “I already know you worry about what will happen to me if I regain all my memories, so I wanted to wait.”
“You kept this from me. Did you not just say in the park that you could tell me anything?” She crossed her arms. “Evidently you don’t trust me.”
“I could say the same about you.” There was an edge to Owen’s voice.
Selena grimaced. He was right. “It appears we both have issues with trust.”
“I wasn’t planning on keeping it from you forever, just long enough to see if any more memories came back.” Owen let out a sigh, as he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Every time I remember more, I fear that I will become that man again.”
He didn’t reach out to her to seek comfort or reassurance. Then again, Selena wasn’t sure if she wanted him to. She couldn’t live a life never knowing when or if Owen would turn on her. But hadn’t they just shared a tender interlude in the park? That had to count for something. And each time Owen learned more about his former self, the more he swore to never be that man again. Perhaps he was strong enough to fight off the old tendencies.
A spark of hope burned inside her, but there was one more thing to confess. Selena had to tell Owen now, before she lost her nerve. Her stomach twisted in a thousand knots, but she had to say the words.
“There was another man.”
