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CHAPTER20
Owen had come to an inevitable conclusion last night. After the fight with Barrows and the ensuing chaos, Owen had decided to let Selena go, to allow her to have a life of her own, without him. When he had gone into her bedroom last night, he had not meant to make love to her, but when she had indicated her willingness, he had been helpless to resist. Their attraction was palpable, and he had made sure she had a night to remember.
Then this morning, he had been jolted out of his sleep by the rush of memories. Everything had come back to him, and he hated himself. When he had glanced at his wife sleeping next to him, he knew what he had to do. While he waited for Selena, he had found the legal papers on his desk. At first, he had been furious, but then he’d begun to understand it as her way out of this sham of a marriage.
He had resolved to speak with Selena, but then Longfellow had unexpectedly arrived. By the time Owen and Selena were alone, some of his old tendencies and hatred had emerged. It was like looking through a window. He saw himself yelling at Selena, treating her with contempt for trying to go behind his back and draw up those papers. But unlike years ago, Selena had fought back, standing up for herself. Something in him had snapped, and the new Owen had re-emerged, heavy with guilt.
It was the right thing to do, leaving her. He had to do it now, while he had his faculties, before the beast that was the old Fernsby took over. Owen felt like he was two different people being pulled in opposite directions.
“So what is it to be? If I sign these papers, you can be at the estate by the end of the week. I will not bother you, I promise.”
Selena remained silent. What was she thinking? What was there to think about? He was giving her the chance to leave. Did she love him? The possibility hit him hard in the gut.
“Owen, how can you ask me to decide this right now?”
“I would think the decision is easy, given you thought about it yourself some time ago.”
She lowered her head. It seemed she was just as torn as him. Lord knew he didn’t want to give her up, but he could feel the other Owen lurking, ready to spring, to berate and belittle Selena at a moment’s notice. He had to get her away from him, at least until he figured things out.
“I think you should leave.”
Selena brought her head up. Unshed tears glistened in her eyes. It felt like his heart was being cut out with a thousand knives.
“You are sending me away?”
“I want you to go back to Stonegate. There are things I need to clear up here, then I will rejoin you and we can speak again.”
“How long will you stay here?”
“That depends on a lot of things.”
Selena nodded. “I will have my things packed.”
That was it. No fight, no yelling, no nothing, just acceptance. It was for the best. When they next met, it would either be for the last time or forever.
By noontime, Selena had left. Nothing further had been said after they’d spoken in the library. There was nothing else to say. Owen plopped into a chair by the fire with a full decanter of brandy. The first thing he was going to do was get drunk. He would figure out the rest later.
As the hours passed, Owen’s despair grew, but the decanter of brandy remained untouched. What was wrong with him? In the old days, he would have made quick work of the bottle, then had another without blinking. Now he looked at the amber liquid and knew it was not the solution to his problems. Perhaps he wasn’t so far gone. Instead of thinking about going to the clubs or brothels, all he thought about was Selena, and how they would spend evenings together in the library reading or playing chess. Already there was a hole in his heart from her absence.
“Hello, Owen.”
Bran’s voice startled Owen out of his grim musings. “How the devil did you get in?”
“I will admit that Rhoads sent me a message.”
Now the butler was conspiring behind his back. “What did it say?”
“It said that you had sent Selena back to Stonegate and holed yourself up in the library all day. I think he wanted someone to check on you, so here I am.” Bran took a seat opposite him. His gaze wandered over to the brandy.
“You haven’t been drinking?”
Owen sighed. “I thought about it, but when I went to pour a glass, I found I didn’t have the stomach for it.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
He had already lost his wife, and he didn’t want to lose his best friend again, so Owen unburdened himself on Bran, telling him about regaining his memories and the conversation with Selena.
“Do you want my opinion?” Bran asked.
