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Suddenly, it never felt less like Christmas Day and Liv felt a trembling sadness descend on her. Here she was washing Eddie’s socks when she should have been swept off her feet in a romantic proposal and wearing the ring that meant so much more to her than maybe even Eddie could possibly know. She took a deep breath. She was being silly; she was just tired and overwrought after the accident and the long shift; and seeing the flat like this, well, it felt a little like the final straw in her exhaustion.
After she made beans on toast and a pot of tea she sat down with her iPad at the little kitchen counter and called her mother on Zoom. ‘Hi, Mum. Is the party over already?’
‘No, not at all,’ her mother said – she was in the big old farmhouse kitchen and it looked as if she was waiting for the kettle to boil. ‘Our guests have gone home, but we’re all settling down to a lovely cup of tea and then Maya and your dad are going to go and take a look at the lambs.’
‘Hi, sis.’ Maya stuck her head in over her mother’s shoulder. She looked beautiful as usual, relaxed and happy and, for a terrible moment, Liv felt as if she might cry because she missed being at home with them so much. ‘Thank goodness you’ve finished for the day. Can you come home now?’
‘Nope, I’m afraid not. I’ve never seen the hospital busier, I can’t just go and abandon them.’
‘Gosh, I don’t know how you do it, honestly,’ Maya said. True enough – Maya almost fainted at the sight of blood.
‘Well, I couldn’t be a solicitor if you paid me, so there you go.’ That was also true – Liv didn’t have enough fight in her to win an argument with the cat, never mind represent someone else in a courtroom. ‘How was Barbara?’ For some reason, asking about Eddie was like admitting that he hadn’t picked up the phone to so much as wish her a happy Christmas.
‘The usual,’ Maya said about to go off on a long reel about Eddie’s mother’s current list of complaints.
‘Ah now, she was very well behaved.’ Her mother cut her off, but Liv noticed the sharp dig she gave Maya with her elbow. ‘And as for Eddie, I think he had a grand old time. There’s peace in him; he just helps himself and you don’t have to worry about him,’ her mother said kindly.
‘Yes, show him the drinks cabinet and he really knows how to help himself.’ Maya rolled her eyes.
‘So, that’s enough about down here. What’s going on there now?’ Her mother peered closer to her phone.
‘Oh, I just came home to eat and sleep. I’m exhausted; honestly, I could sleep for Ireland.’ Liv shrugged. No point telling them that she had beans on toast for her Christmas dinner since she’d hardly the energy to open the fridge door after tidying up the mess Eddie left in his wake.
‘And will Eddie not go back and keep you company?’ her father asked from somewhere beyond the camera.
‘Ah no, Dad, there’s no point. I’m only coming home to sleep. He’s better off down there spending Christmas with his mother.’ It would be a lonely time for Barbara if her only son didn’t show up for the holidays. ‘And anyway, with a bit of luck, I’ll be down in Ballycove in a day or two and then we can have our own, low-key Christmas. How does that sound?’
‘As long as we’re not inviting that awful Barbara Quirke again,’ her father mumbled, but he was too close to the camera for Liv to miss it.
‘So now, we’ll be sending you on pictures of the lambs,’ her mother said loudly and darted a reprimanding glance towards where Liv assumed her father was standing. ‘So you can help us think up names for them, okay?’
‘Lovely.’
Liv shivered when she ended the call and pulled her dressing gown tight about her. The flat was cold, although she’d turned the heat on when she came home from the hospital; Liv had a feeling that it had more to do with the emptiness of the place than with the actual temperature. It had felt like this after Rachel died. An emptiness that she couldn’t sweep or dust or scrub out of the fabric of the place. Of course, she knew then it was coming from deep within her own heart, but now, today, was it just because she felt so lonely knowing that Christmas was going on for her family in Ballycove without her?
She turned the heating up to full blast. She hadn’t put on a real fire here in years, not since Eddie had moved in probably. Funny, but it was the open fireplace that had been the clincher on her and Rachel buying the place at the time. There were other flats in much more modern buildings at a much lower cost, but when they had thought about sitting before the open fire on long lazy weekends, there really hadn’t been much of a choice.
She closed her eyes now, a stream of memories flowing past her. Each of them running into the other. She remembered when they had received a generous legacy in their Great Aunt Sabina’s will. It was enough to put a really good down payment on this flat. It felt as if they had trawled through endless rounds of estate agents, looked at every apartment in the city and then finally, Rachel had found this place. A small robin’s nest at the top of an Edwardian baroque house, not on one of the more sought-after squares, but the area was nice enough – a side street that fed easily on either end into busy traffic. The city was walking distance one way, the route to the motorway easily driven the other. It had been her home for more than ten years; tiny, filled with memories and over the last couple of years, accommodating Eddie and his growing collection of ridiculous trainers and hair products.
It was funny, but even now, Eddie still felt like a guest. He’d never think of fixing a leaking tap or going to IKEA with her to pick out a flat-pack they could assemble together. It was very much her flat as far as Eddie was concerned. He was still a visitor. If no longer sleeping on her couch, neither was he making any contribution towards the mortgage in paying rent. She had a feeling he wouldn’t be very handy with DIY jobs, not even at home with Barbara. The Quirkes were the sort of people who got a man in to do the work – whether that be a plumber, a painter or someone to clean their windows – not that they had that many to clean.
It didn’t do her any good to go comparing. The Quirkes and the Latimers were very different families; there was nothing wrong with that. Liv took out her phone. She called Eddie’s number and this time, to her relief, he answered.
‘Gosh,’ she said jokingly, ‘I thought you were ghosting me.’
‘Humph, if anyone was avoiding anyone, I would have thought it was the other way round.’ He sounded grumpy, maybe a little drunk from the day at her parents’ house.
‘Happy Christmas, Eddie.’ Time to start again. ‘Did you get my gift for you?’ She’d left it at the farmhouse the last time she was home, to make sure he didn’t manage to come across it accidentally when he was cleaning the flat – although, deep down and looking about the place now, she had a feeling that nothing was less likely.
‘Um, yeah, Maya handed it to me,’ he said neutrally.
‘And?’ She thought he’d be over the moon. It had cost her an absolute packet and not an inconsiderable amount of planning and twisting of arms on Pete’s part.
‘Oh sure, thanks. It’s great, yeah,’ he said, and then she wondered if he was doing something on his phone while she was talking to him. ‘Sorry,’ he said.
‘Sorry?’
‘Well, your gift. I have it here, in the car…’
