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‘Phew,’ she said, ‘for a minute there, I thought I’d walked into an off-stage scene fromI’m A Celebrityor something like that.’
‘Hardly. I’m as un-showbiz as you’re likely to get. I’ll introduce you to my brother Callum later; he won’t be long dispelling any mystery about me.’
‘Well, either way, thank you for inviting me. I’ll certainly remember this Christmas celebration.’ The menu was as thick as an old phone book and there was a real danger that if she fell into the coat rack on the way in, she might have never been found again among the designer coats that were lined up in the tight space allocated. Her eBay purchased Donegal tweed looked a little tragic amongst them all.
The food was, as Finn had promised, out of this world. Not that the portions were huge, but there was a delicacy to everything that left her thoughtful after each mouthful and the presentation – well, if she was an Instagrammer, it would have probably been just heaven.
Their conversation was easy and skated around everything from their work to their families and then he asked her about Eddie, and Liv found herself talking about Rachel too and before she realised it, they were ordering dessert.
‘So, what about you and Mena Swan?’ The question was out before she even realised she’d asked it. God, she could feel her cheeks flush with embarrassment. All she could do was hope he didn’t notice.
‘Old news. Nothing much to tell, really.’ He stuck his spoon into his home-made ice-cream and held it out to her for the first taste. ‘We’ve known each other since we were kids, grew up on the same street. We were very young when we married; I can’t even remember when we started seeing each other…’ He shook his head. ‘But these things, well, when you’ve known someone forever, it sounds mad, but it’s as if we outgrew each other. Mena was meeting lots of new people at work and, I suppose, I was too. We outgrew each other and we just sort of drifted apart…’ He let his words trail off.
‘I can only imagine.’ Liv couldn’t help but think he made it all sound so glamorous; it was all a far cry from being a nurse in A&E. What on earth was she doing here?
‘It was messy and emotional and the last thing either of us wanted, I think, really in the end.’ He looked at her now, and she could finally put a name to what it was that made him so attractive. It was his vulnerability. He’d had his heart broken; maybe it was still broken. Some men, she knew, never fully get over their first loves. She knew Pete was one of those. Perhaps Finn was too? Mena Swan would be a very hard woman to replace.
‘I’m so sorry.’ Suddenly, her own dessert – a medley of fruit with a chocolate sauce dripping about it – looked as appetising as a plate of snails. She hadn’t put her foot in it exactly, but it was obvious she’d certainly touched a raw nerve.
‘It is what it is.’ He shook his head. ‘We’ve both moved on, as much as we can for now.’
And, with that, it was as if someone had taken a pin to the bubble of excitement about the evening and Liv couldn’t help but feel sorry that they’d even mentioned their exes. Who on earth had brought that up as a polite topic over dinner? By the time the coffee arrived, Liv had decided that she for one was going to be cheerful; after all, there was plenty to be happy about – wasn’t she lucky to be sitting here, having a lovely meal when she could just as easily be sitting at home on her own? And somehow, they did manage to resurrect the evening from that one awkward moment. They were actually laughing about some A&E story she remembered by the time they were leaving the restaurant.
‘It was a lovely evening, thank you,’ she said as they stood outside her flat in the freezing night air. She pulled her coat up closer around her, glad now of its insulating warmth.
‘It was,’ Finn agreed. ‘Maybe we’ll do it again?’
‘I…’ she began. She should say no. Just say no. Because it was all too obvious that Finn O’Connell was still in love with his ex-wife. Wasn’t that what the awkwardness was all about? Wasn’t that who the expensive present was for? M for Mena. God, she’d been such a fool. She’d almost fallen for him; actually, maybe she had fallen for him, just a bit. ‘I think I need a bit of time.’
‘Right?’ He stepped back from her and he looked as if those were the last words he’d expected. ‘But we had a good time, didn’t we? I mean, I thought we really connected. I thought that there was something special here…’
‘Maybe, but…’ How could she put it into words without recreating that awkwardness between them again?
‘Well then…’ He smiled, as if some penny had finally dropped. ‘Ah, I see, you’re still not over Eddie. Is that it? You’re still in love with him. It’s okay, I get it.’ His voice was so tender, but she couldn’t miss what sounded like genuine sadness there.
‘No, God, no, far from it.’ She threw her head back and laughed. It sounded almost hysterical; perhaps she was nervous. ‘No, I only wish I had ended things with him sooner. No, how is it they put it? It’s not me it’s you?’
‘Isn’t that the wrong way round?’ In spite of the gravity of things, they both started to laugh.
‘Not in this case.’ She took a deep breath; might as well plunge in with complete honesty. ‘It’s just I think you’re still in love with your ex-wife.’
‘With Mena?’ He looked incredulous. ‘Seriously, you think Mena and I…’ He shook his head. ‘Oh no, there’s no way. We’re friends now, just friends. That’s all we’ll ever be.’
‘But?’ She thought about the woman she knew only from the screen. She was drop-dead gorgeous. How could anyone not be in love with her? How could anyone, particularly someone like Liv, ever compete with that sort of high-octane glamour?
‘Look, when you were fifteen, I bet there was one boy in school you were mad about?’
‘Well, yeah, but…’ She rolled her eyes, but he was waiting for her to say something. ‘Okay, Derek Evans. He’s a forensic accountant with the tax office now.’ She shivered even remembering that one kiss at a youth disco. It turned out, he had horrible breath and sweaty hands.
‘Same with me and Mena, only we were stupid enough to run away and get married before we had any sense. Seriously, it’s as over as it can be…’
‘But back there you said…’
‘It broke my heart, it broke both our hearts, but there was no future in it. We loved each other, but there was no magic there, not the sort that’s going to last a lifetime.’ He reached out, pulled her into his arms and she found herself helpless to resist him. Being this close to him made her feel dizzy with longing for him. When he cupped her face in his hands, she thought she’d faint with desire. His kiss was long and lingering, the sort of kiss that made her want to drag him back up to the flat and throw away any doubts she might have. God, imagine making love to him. And with that, she felt her knees almost buckle beneath her. He pulled away from her, held her for a moment at arm’s length. ‘Look, just meet me for coffee or a walk in the park the next day you’re off work. What do you say?’
‘I… I just can’t do this…’ She was powerless to say anything; instead, she pulled away from him. She had to get back to the safety of the flat before she did something really stupid like fall completely in love with him. ‘I think we should just call it a night, end it here, before…’ She stumbled towards the front door, stabbed her key at the lock a few times before managing to let herself in. She wasn’t sure what she was doing, but when she closed the door on him, she had a feeling that perhaps it was too late to worry about falling in love with him. If she was honest, that had happened the first time she’d set eyes on him. When she closed the front door behind her, she was trembling. She felt as if she’d just stepped off a cloud from heaven and into a great big black hole. What on earth had she done?
16
