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“I still don’t understand.”
“The new Landry weeps for the old one. She avoided feeling much of the pain, knowing it would swallow her up. The new me can handle what she couldn’t because I’m not doing it alone.”
Though Silas allows a small smile, he doesn’t want me to cry or suffer. In his mind, he should fix all my problems. He probably feels guilty over today, blaming himself for not sufficiently scaring the Copper family. Maybe he wishes he killed them all like he did Neal.
“I’ll never forgive myself for letting Blair’s arm get broken.” When I see him ready to complain, I continue, “But that awful experience brought you into my life. I’m grateful for that part. Having you here is a gift.”
Despite my praise, Silas can’t settle down. My pain drives him crazy, but I ride my contractions like a pro. Through it all, I can’t stop crying. My mind fills with painful memories of the past before flipping to how many people are rooting for me right now. My sorrow and joy mix together until I can’t turn off my tears.
I feel liberated when I reach the point of pushing. I lean back against Silas and soak in his power. I’m a fearless warrior as I welcome my newest child into the world.
Brigitte lets out a single cry before falling silent. The doctor rests her goo-covered, squirming body on my stomach. Silas stares at her as if she’s the weirdest damn thing he’s ever seen.
When the nurse takes Brigitte and starts cleaning her up, my baby girl flips a switch and screams like the world is ending. Silas surprises me by chuckling. I realize his weirded-out reaction wasn’t to her gooey appearance but her silence. Once she lets loose, he settles down a little.
Soon, we’re alone in the room. Silas acts a little lost as if waiting for something bad to happen. Maybe a mystery man will show up to ruin his future again. Or I’ll admit I never wanted him. Silas expects something terrible to break his heart again.
However, as the night presses on, Silas’s mood lightens. He holds Brigitte in the overly careful way he does her siblings. I make a video call home. The kids crowd the camera, shoving their faces too close. Only Blair understands she’s meeting her sister. The other kids seem to think I’ll be home soon. Soon, their current merry moods will turn sour once I’m not around to tuck them into bed.
“They’ll be okay until you’re home,” Silas promises as he sits in a chair between the baby’s bassinet and my bed.
Fatigue hits me as I rest on my side and study him. I recall how lonely and overwhelmed I felt after my other deliveries. Tonight, Silas fills the room with his intoxicating presence. I see such love on his face when he looks at me. There’s great pride in his eyes as he smiles at Brigitte.
Closing my eyes, I push away the memories of this wild, often painful day. After wrapping myself in Silas’s love and commitment, I give in to sleep.
SILAS
How did today go sowrong only to flip the script and end so golden?
By the time we arrive at the hospital, I’m on autopilot. I’ve already started replaying all the earlier bullshit and regretting the decisions made in the heat of the moment. What the fuck was I thinking by bringing Landry into that chaos?
Through the afternoon and evening, she keeps her shit together. At first, I feel like she’s falling apart. I only see her tears. Every contraction leaves her panting and miserable. I want her to take all the pain medicines to fix her suffering.
Refusing to be bullied, Landry explains, “I’ve tried medication before. They leave me out of it or slowed down my pushing at the end.”
For hours, I follow her around the hospital room, from the bed to the bathroom. She takes a hot shower, where she fucking sobs. I nearly come out of my skin hearing her cry that way.
