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As I drain the last bit of wine from my glass, I begin to wish now that I’d brought the whole bottle with me but hey ho, such is my life. I’m not going back down to fetch it, that’s a sure fact. Not until he’s calmed down anyway.
I came up here to paint. To de-stress but I can’t even bring myself to start. Just the peace and tranquil feeling I get from this room is enough. Moving to lie on the floor, I stare up at the ceiling. All I can think about are Troy’s words. “This is my problem and just like everything, your father has left it to me to deal with…”
What could it be I wonder? I don’t know half of what my dad got up to. I didn’t want to know if I’m being totally honest, but I just want to help him. My tummy rumbles and I know I need food before I start to feel sick but again, I’m stubborn so I ignore it. Blinking rapidly as tears still seep from my eyes, I sniff and let them close briefly. It’s not long before I’m settled into sleep.
I feel his arms wrap around me and lift me from the floor. His voice floats around in my subconscious. “For fuck’s sake, Em.” I know he’s still annoyed but my head lolls against his chest because I need to be as close as I can to him. His heart beats erratically, like his pulse is in my ear it’s so loud. His normal woodsy scent mixed with red wine surrounds me. It’s so intoxicating, and rather than fight him, I let him carry me to wherever he’s taking me. I feel safe when I’m in his arms, my heart though, that’s not safe at all because I know in my heart that I love him and I’m not sure it’ll survive him if he hurts it again. Saying that to him though seems to be a completely different kettle of fish. If I say it out loud it’s real and it gives him the power over me. I’m not sure I’m ready for that again.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX
TROY
I’m such a fucking idiot. I should have known better than to accuse her of not understanding, or I could’ve at least put it in a better way. I mean, when she finds out what the contract is I’m sure she won’t understand then, I guess Mitch screwed both of us with this one. And if he was here now, I’d be telling him too, but he’s not, is he? I never thought resent would be high on my list where Mitch is concerned, but right now it’s toppings it.
Burying my nose into her mass of blonde hair I inhale her fruity scent before placing her on our bed. She rolls away from me, her cheek settling against the pillow. Stroking her hair from her face, I lean down and brush my lips on her temple in a tender kiss. I feel awful. Dry tears coat her face from where she’s cried herself to sleep. Putting my lips to her cheek I whisper against her skin, “I’m sorry.” Her eyelids flicker like she was waiting for those words. Her jaw tenses and with my fingers soft on her face, I turn her to look at me. I need to see her eyes; I need to know she forgives me; I can only do that if she gives me her eyes.
“I was only trying to help.” Her voice cracks on her words, I need to fix this.
“I know, sweetheart and I shouldn't have yelled at you.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” She grunts cutting off my words and I pause to get my wording right.
“Em, I’d love to hand this to you and say, here, find a solution for this? But I can’t because there is no easy fix.” She lies there completely still as I explain. With the softest exhale, she rolls to her back and slips her hand in mine as I go on. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, that wasn’t my intention. After I left you, the rest of my day just imploded. I promise I’ll never take it out on you again.” I lift her hand to my lips and pepper small pecks to the back of her hand across her knuckles.
“You better not.” Sadness with a hint of irritation laces her tone.
“Can you forgive me?” I meet her teary gaze again and hold it steady, I feel her sadness and I know I have some making up to do. A gentle, barely-there nod tips her head, and relief washes over me.
Not wasting another second, I capture her lips and move to lie next to her. Her lips move against mine in a gentle kiss, sliding my hand up her body to cradle her face, kissing her a little firmer, deeper, begging for her to give herself to me. As her lips part, our tongues meet, sensually tangling, sliding against the other as I tug her closer, swallowing her soft moans.
Slipping my hand beneath her top, I find her warm skin, and it travels upwards until it finds her breast. Cupping its fullness in my palm, I kiss her like I’ve never kissed anyone before. We’re so consumed in each other nothing else in the world matters. No argument. No misunderstanding. Just a perfect world where only Emily and I exist, the only world I’ve ever wanted for us. She breaks the kiss gasping for breath and suddenly bolts up, I grip the hem of her t-shirt and drag it up her body to leave her just in her shorts and bra. Throwing it to the other side of the bed, she makes quick work of the buttons on my shirt and slides her hands up my chest and around to my back. My arm goes around her, holding her to me as close as I can get her and kiss her again like my life depends on it, before guiding her back down to the mattress with our lips still locked together. She pushes my shirt over my shoulders and reluctantly I release her lips and stand up, dragging my shirt from my arms and take off my trousers before resuming my position again.
I part her legs and kneel between them. As I look up to find so much love shining in her eyes, it makes my heart stutters with pride and emotion. The heart that was so intent on protecting itself with its steel walls, yet here we are. I can’t hide the way I feel, not anymore and it’s time to tell her why I did what I did before she went to uni.
Dragging my hand down, I find her opening and slide two fingers inside her, drawing them in and out, working her up. “Ahh,” she cries. She opens further, her back arching as my thumb finds her bundle of nerves and I press, rubbing small circles as she cries out more. Leaning down I cover her mouth with mine and I swallow her groans with my kiss. Spearing my tongue in and out of her mouth, matching the thrusts of my fingers. My name falling from her lips as she begs for more. I can’t wait to be inside her, to feel her, to love her. To make things right between us again. Some people can talk their way through things. Others go the opposite way, they don’t talk until the friction gets so bad that it goes past fixing; this right here, this is us. A connection so deep between us. Sex might not solve everything, but the make-up is amazing.
“Troy,” I stop kissing her and lock our gazes. “Make love to me.”
To hear those words falling from her lips, lights me up inside. I move to my knees and pull her to me before gliding into her, she scrambles to her elbows to watch me, her head falls back as I push all the way to the base, feeling her walls tense around as she squeezes, the feeling is out of this world but all I want to really do is show her how much I love her, like she asked of me. Show her there’s no other woman for me no matter what’s in the past and what’s to come. She’ll be the only one for me.
“I love you Em, so much it hurts. I know you think I’m just saying that but I’m not.” I say truthfully through strained tones. Leaning over I cup her face and bring her up to sit onme, holding around the middle of her back as I move her gently on top, her hips rotating as her arms cling tightly around my neck. She holds on tight and grinds down on me, her gaze fills with longing as she finds mine. I unclip her bra and slide the straps from her arms flinging it off. She puts her arms back around me. Her breasts mash to my chest her hard nubs grazing my chest as she moves, turning her on that little bit more, taking us higher and higher. Her bottom lip disappears into her mouth before releasing it and pushes her lips to mine in a hungry kiss. My speed quickens, thrusting hard, deep from the position we’re in. With a gentle nudge to my chest, she pushes me back until I’m flat on the mattress and she’s finding her momentum, as she rides me. I grip her hips, squeezing them in my fingers as I match her speed, she cries out and my groans fill the room, sweat clinging to both of our bodies. With a firm grip I pull her down as I thrust upwards until I’m about to come, her cries grow louder with every thrust. “Fuck, Troy. Yes.” A smile forms as I fuck her harder, creating something between us that I don’t think either of us will ever overcome. I know in my heart she is my future, and just like her words earlier today, I want everything with her, everything I could ever wish for.
We reach our climax together and she flops on top of me panting, her heart pounding against me like a train running on its tracks. Exhaling through heavy pants, she shivers as the air reaches her body making me smile. “Fuck, Em. I think you might kill me off.”
She lifts her head. “Me? You mean you’re gonna kill me. I think I might die, my hearts going so fast.”
“As long as you die happy.” I tell her, staring into her soul. If the days came that she was happy without me then I’d rather be six feet under. She eases herself up off me and lies at my side. It’s then her tummy rumbles. Chuckling I kiss her quickly and drag myself up. “Come on, angel, let’s get you fed.” I move to sit up, but she tugs on my arm and drags me back down.
“I know I haven’t said this and it’s not because you’ve just made me feel like the only woman in the world, but I do love you, Troy. I’m just scared.”
“I know you do. I see it whenever you look at me.” I sigh, “Tell me what you’re scared of?”
“You walking away from me.” She says unashamedly. “Being left to get over you all over again. I don’t think my heart would manage it a second time.”
As our gazes meet, I kiss her softly, then take her hand joining our fingers. “I’m never leaving you. I promise. You’ll never know what it’s like to be without me again, just like I never want to be without you.”
As the love sparkles in her eyes, it gives me a feeling of pure contentment. “Can I ask you something?”
“Always,” I declare, brushing the hair out of her beautiful eyes to tuck it behind her ear.
