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“Oh, okay. I’ll make a note in your chart so we can keep an eye on your blood pressure still,” the nurse, Jamie according to her name badge, says. After the reading is done, Jamie looks at the numbers and types it into her computer. “The doctor may still want to do a stress test to check on the twins with your blood pressure being higher. He’ll let you know if he thinks you need one.”
“Okay, thank you. Will he be long? The waiting room is packed,” I mention, wanting to see if I can get a time estimate that I’ll be stuck in here.
“He’ll only be a few minutes. We have two other doctors sharing the office with Dr. Balanger today which is why the waiting room is insane,” Jamie explains, smiling sweetly at me. “Did you do a urine sample when you came in?”
“Not today,” I say with a shake of my head. “I thought it may be every other time that it happens.”
“I’m going to get you to pop across the hall and do one for me. Even with the mentioned anxiety, I think the doctor will want to have your protein levels checked just in case. Pre-eclampsia is something we definitely don’t want to overlook.”
Nodding in her direction, I grab the cup and head across the hall. It's all for the babies. Every test, every poke and prod, all of it. It's for my health and the babies' health.
The doctor is running on time just like the nurse said, it's only a minute or so after she leaves with the sample that Dr. Balanger comes in.
"Alayna, it's so good to see you. I hope you were able to find parking alright. I apologize for the extra traffic in the office today." He smiles kindly at me and opens my chart on the computer. "You're having some anxiety attacks right now?"
"Yeah, unfortunately. There have been a few, um, incidents that have been making my anxiety worse than usual," I reply, trying to be honest without saying the entire story. I'm not ready to unload the Kevin situation on my doctor.
Dr. Balanger turns his stool so he can look at me straight on. He places his hands on his knees and sighs. “Stress is something we want to try and keep an eye on while you’re pregnant. It’s impossible to avoid all stress, but undue stress can cause some issues for both you and the pregnancy. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me exactly what’s happening in your personal life, but the more you tell me the better I can help you.”
Tears form in my eyes and I shake my head back and forth before letting it all out. The doctor sits and listens intently, nothing but sympathy on his face. It feels good to get it off my chest to someone who isn’t directly involved in everything happening.
Dr. Balanger orders the stress test for the end of the week so I can have one of the guys come with me. He checks the twins with the ultrasound machine, confirming that both are healthy and growing. The one baby’s movements are being blocked by their placenta which is why I may not be feeling twice the amount of movement like I had been reading about.
Leaving the doctor’s appointment feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. The babies are doing well, I’m healthy, and the doctor referred me to a local therapist that has a lot of experience working with women with c-PTSD. She also specializes in postpartum anxiety and depression which the doctor thinks is a possible outcome for me once the babies are born. It’s more common in women with prexisiting mental illness to develop it apparently.
The parking is still packed when I get out to the car, but with the weight of the appointment off my shoulders, it doesn’t feel so overwhelming this time. My car is in the back row, making the walk a bit longer than I would like it to be given the extra weight of two growing fetuses.
The feeling of being watched comes over me the closer I get to my car. Instantly, I start sweeping my eyes back and forth, searching for whoever is there. There’s movement by my car, a flash of dirty blonde hair and a black jacket.
I stop two rows back, my heart rate accelerating as a man steps out from behind my car and waves at me, before taking off running in the opposite direction. My lungs struggle to get air as My chest tightens further and further until black spots dance across my vision.
The panic attack hits me hard. I lean against the car beside me, trying desperately to catch my breath and stop the tears pouring down my cheeks. He doesn’t get to show up here. He doesn’t get to stalk and terrify me. This motherfucker does not get to control my life with fear and threats.
A scream of rage tears from my throat, the very thought of Kevin following me here, to my fucking doctor’s office enrages me unlike anything else. Someone is beside me, asking me questions and trying to get me to calm down.
With a few deep breaths, I turn to the stranger beside me and wipe my tears away. “I’m so sorry. I’m okay now.”
“Are you sure?” The older woman asks, concern shining in her brown eyes. “Can I call someone for you?”
Holding up my cell phone from my pocket, I smile as best I can. “I’ll be alright. I can call someone.”
With a nod, the woman walks away, though she glances back more than once to look at me. I hit my contacts and start by calling Adam, since the community centre is the closest workplace to the doctor’s office.
Seeing him, at my car as if he was an old friend just waiting to catch up, has me all sorts of fucked up. It’s once again beat the reality of what Kevin is capable of into my head like a fucking battering ram. He can find me anywhere, anytime. This whole time he’s held so much power over me and now, my family. It scares me and it angers me in equal parts.
How the fuck do I take back the power when his obsession and stalking are what create the power? The fact that I don’t know how to answer that scares me most of all.
Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Alayna
Staringatmyshoesthat I can fully put on myself, I imagine a hundred ways to burn them. The frustration bubbling up inside of me grows every fucking day that I can't get do basic human tasks. My belly seems to get bigger every time I turn around. How the fuck am I supposed to get through another like two and a half months of this?
"Still trying to kill your shoes with just your eyes?" Adam teases behind me. "I don't think that's going to work, Lay. I can help yo—"
"No," I grumble, cutting him off sharply. "I can do it. I just need to come at it from a different angle."
