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The day of the surgery was upon me and while I was excited to get to moving around on my own again, I was nervous. I had never had surgery before, and I’d never had to stay so long in a hospital. It was hard to sleep when there were lights and beeping going all the time. It was hard to focus, but I knew that I needed to.
The doctor was in, not the hot surgeon, but the regular doctor. I didn’t know his name, just the cute ones. He was telling me about the recovery of the surgery, and it wasn’t what I was hoping for. It was going to be several more weeks in the hospital, especially if I couldn’t go home with someone to care for me. It was a mess and I felt helpless in the situation. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but they didn’t want to talk about that. It wasn’t their job. I was given a name and a number, and I was told that someone would be in to talk to me soon.
I felt like it was a good time to get some sleep. The television had only boring shows on, and I was ready to get my mind off of all the worries that seemed to add up and be ready and waiting for me.
Close to dozing off, I heard the door open, and I figured that it was the woman I was supposed to talk to about after-care. I looked to the door, but instead saw the blondest little girl that I’d ever seen. She had blue eyes and a mischievous look on her face.
“Well, hello, what are you doing in here?”
She didn’t say anything, but looked behind her, closed the door, and moved back away from it. She was obviously hiding, but from who or what, I had no idea.
“Are you hiding from someone?”
She grinned. “Yeah, my dad. He doesn’t know that I am up here. I am supposed to be waiting in the waiting room down the hall, but it’s so boring. You can’t even change the channel, and I don’t want to watch grown-up stuff.”
I agreed that it was probably no fun. I turned mine on in the room and put on some cartoons. She grabbed a chair close to the door and turned toward it, immediately engrossed. I chuckled to myself. If only it was that easy to entertain all the time.
“My name is Amber. What’s yours?”
“Alice.”
“Well, nice to meet you, Alice. Stay as long as you want.”
“I don’t mean to bother you.”
“It’s fine, I was just dozing off anyway. It’s boring here.”
She agreed and we seemed to bond on that front. She was interested in the cartoons, and I found it nice to have someone else there, someone that didn’t want to poke and prod me like the rest of them. I must have dozed off not too long after giving her the remote. The television was still on when I woke up with a start. The cute doctor was standing over me.
“Hello, Amber. Are you ready for the big moment?”
I agreed that I was, though it was more because of how he was looking at me than anything else. He was just smiling away, and I couldn’t help but think that there was something strange with how he was looking at me.
“You like cartoons?”
I started to say something about the little girl but decided not to give her away. She might come back, and since I was going to be here for a while, I might like the company.
“I guess so.”
He just shook his head like I was something else and maybe I was. I didn’t want him thinking of me as a child, but I’d seen the way the older man looked at me. It was nothing like that. He was interested in more than a professional way. I couldn’t say that it was going to become anything, but there was desire there, not just on my side.
“Are you sure that everything is going to be okay, doctor?”
He took my hand ever so gently and told me that everything was going to be okay. It’s what I wanted to hear, and I wanted to believe him, so I did. If the doctor said it was going to be okay, then I knew that it was.
We didn’t stay in that room long, as I was soon wheeled into the OR. I was a nervous wreck, but at least I would soon know my fate. It would either work, or it wouldn’t. I didn’t want to think about the possibility of it not working. I didn’t know if I could live with that, but I was going to have to try. I looked to the doctor one more time and smiled. He smiled back, warming me and making me think that everything could actually be okay. I really needed to believe that.
4
Frank
Ihad to look for Alice up until a few minutes after I went in to see Amber before the surgery. I usually didn’t make a room call beforehand. I had a ritual, but this time I had to. It wasn’t because of any other reason than I wanted to see her. Alice though had made it impossible to say much of anything to her. She was off in the hospital roaming. I had one meeting and when I got back, she was gone. Now, Nurse Constantine was going to watch her while I did the three-hour surgery. It wasn’t ideal, but I didn’t want to put it off.
Having a lot on my mind, I turned the music up in my headphones and stuck one of them into my ear. It was hard for me to think straight, and I closed my eyes and fell into the music, so that I would calm myself. My hands straightened out and I was finally able to think straight. I didn’t know why, but loud music blaring in my ears toned out my thoughts and the rest of the world long enough, just enough time, to pull it together.
When I went into the room, Amber was already out, and she was on her stomach. I told everyone that we were going to have a good surgery, and everyone agreed. I knew the people in the room and trusted them all. It was a good vibe, and I knew that it was going to go fine.
At least, that’s what I thought, but life had a way of throwing curveballs. By the end of the surgery, I wasn’t sure if she was going to walk again or not. The damage was more extensive when I got in there and before too long, I was afraid that I hadn’t really fixed anything. My usually good feeling coming out of it was gone.
