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25
Beatrice
Seeing Jeff and not immediately running up to him to give him a kiss was really hard. It was all I wanted to do, needed to do, and I saw the same look on his face. We had been apart for many long years before this and that had been enough.
None of what happened was his fault. I meant that. I was the one who had played with fire, he was the one burnt. It was quite easy to imagine why I was the scapegoat in this situation. The conversation with Jeff upset me more than I thought it would. I knew it would be unpleasant, closing the door to whatever we had started, but it was worse than that. It had been excruciating, and the idea of saying those words out loud had been far worse since they were choking and getting stuck in my throat coming out. The look on his face, the realization that I was once again backing off. I can't even imagine what Jeff thought about it. He probably thought I was crazy, back and forth, hot and cold.
I didn't want to be that way though. I wanted instead to finish what we started, see where it could go. I was down to do be with Jeff again. I’d actually thought for a time that we could really be together.
Did I really want to let everyone dictate what I did or didn’t do in my life? Jericho always had a problem getting into people's business and everyone having an opinion. It was hard to keep a secret or to keep one's dignity. I missed the anonymity of the city. None of this would be a problem if I was back there.
I didn't live in a city though, I lived in Jericho, and I got two dirty looks on my way out of the hospital. I really didn't know why I had become Public Enemy #1 in Jericho, but I was. Maybe they just saw me as bad luck. Whatever it was, I tried to ignore it and rise above it all, but there was a ceiling and there was only so high I could go before I was splatted against the glass.
I went to see Jeff just as I promised and even though I tried to make excuses, I made it there every night anyway. I wanted to see him; it was as simple as that. There were no other people there to talk behind my back or say something rude. It was just me and him, and the doctors and nurses left us alone. It was a nice time, and I got my friend back. I missed him and I'd been so afraid when Jeff first went into the hospital. Now, my anxiety was getting better, and I was able to breathe again, but I found it just as suffocating that we couldn't be truly alone.
It was finally time for Jeff to go home and naturally he wanted to get out of there at night so that I could take him. I didn't mind, far from it, but there was this tension between us that was more than usual. I think it was because we both realized that we were going to be alone for the first time since we'd been together last. Jeff had been saying over and over how much better he felt, and I wondered if that was a prelude to something else.
It didn't matter. It was time for him to go home and he walked out on his own two feet. Granted, he was walking slower than usual, and he did pause a couple of times, but he was making it very clear that he was doing better. I didn't think he was doing as well as he wanted me to believe, but it was endearing how he was trying to hide it. I’d spent a lot of time with Jeff, and I knew when he was hurting. I also knew when he was trying to make things more interesting. I'm not sure what he thought was going to happen, but I had a pretty good idea. Too bad it wasn't going to go down like he thought.
I drove slowly, so that I didn't shake him around too much. He was in pain, I could see it on his face, and that made me take my foot off the gas even more. By the time we got up to his place, he’d been jiggled a lot and he wasn’t feeling all that great. His face was a mask of his attempt to hide it, but he couldn’t hide it from me.
Jeff wouldn't be honest, and he just said he wanted to get in the house. I helped him even after he said he didn't need it. I told him to shut up and take the help. I didn’t know why he was so stubborn, but I could see the streak had continued from the hospital.
“I am supposed to be the one saving you,” Jeff said as we were walking up to his place.
I scoffed at the comment. “What makes you think that I need saving?”
Jeff shrugged. “Wishful thinking?”
I got him in the house, then I got him into the bed. He asked about his meds, and I went to the car to get them. We hadn't talked about me staying, but there was no way that I was going to be able to leave him alone up here. I wasn't usually such a nurturing sort, however it was different with Jeff. I didn’t want anything to happen to him and the nurturing feeling had taken over. There was nothing that I could do about it.
By the time I got back in from getting his meds, Jeff thanked me numerous times. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
I told him that it was no big deal and that we're just friends helping each other.
“I don't want that.”
I look at him questioningly. “You don't want to be friends?”
He insisted that he didn't and said that we had become more than friends before the accident, and he wasn't going to backtrack. I had told him that we didn't have a choice, but really what was the point? There was no sense in lying to myself. I was in love with him. It was obvious. It felt like the whole damn town was against us, but I really did love him.
“Well, whatever we are, right now we need to just be friends until you heal.” Jeff popped a tablet and kind of nodded his head. “I already told you, I am healed.”
He was infuriating and I ignored the commentary, going outside to get the rest of the stuff out of the car and give us both a few minutes. The hard thing about finally being out of the hospital was there was no more room for excuses. We were all alone, no nurse to catch us, or co-worker to keep us apart. It was just me and him now.
He was taking off his shirt and I asked him what he was doing. “Just getting comfortable. It doesn't bother you, does it?”
I said that it didn’t, and he smiled anyway. It wasn’t hard to read the writing on the wall. Then he started talking about how long it had been since we’d been together and how he was liable to explode. I explained that it wouldn't happen, but he was reaching for me, trying to get me to sit next to him. As much as I was ready to go back to that part of our relationship, there was another side of me that wasn’t. It was too complicated. I also didn't think he was well enough, and I did not want to hurt him. I suggested as much and he just scoffed, telling me that nothing was going to keep us apart any longer.
26
Jeff
Beatrice was playing hard to get, but that wasn’t something that she could stick to for very long. I knew her and I saw the way she looked at my bare chest. Beatrice had been insatiable the night we’d been together, and I didn’t know if I could work at that level, but I could certainly get that look of need out of her eyes. I needed her, had since I woke up. Every night with her next to me, smiling, looking and smelling so good, had been torture. I wasn’t going to let anything else stand between us.
I felt her small hands on my back, and I tensed up for a moment. I was facing her, but Beatrice wanted to see my back. I hadn’t showed it to her in the hospital. I didn’t want to speak of it or have her see it in the harsh fluorescent lights. That would surely make it worse.
“Why?”
