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Once I’d calmed enough to think clearly, I headed back to the bedroom and unlocked the door, only to find it empty. Not just empty—absolutely destroyed. It looked like she’d set a hurricane loose in the bedroom. The window was broken open with the bedside drawer, the bed was unmade, and the sheets waved out the window, but all her things were still there.
After a quick scan, I confirmed she was gone, and the only reason I knew was the pile of money sitting on the dresser. Perhaps in her mind, she considered it a parting gift, but it was more like a note letting me know she intended for me to know she was gone by taking nothing with her and she didn’t need me.
As this knowledge soaked in, a gut-wrenching yowl crooned from my mouth as I doubled over, gripping the bedframe tightly to keep myself upright. It felt like my body was being ripped open as some unseen force removed my heart.
I’d never felt anything so unbearable in my life. The pain wracked through me like a million papercuts breaking open my skin. Not feeling her in this house, so close to me, felt like a death sentence. Without her, I would die.
A pulse wracked me as a voice echoed loudly in my head.Find her. I’d never heard this voice before, but it spoke so clearly and loudly in my head that I had no choice but to listen. Doing as the voice asked, I picked up the duvet and brought it to my nose.
My senses were flooded with everything Irina. Then, when her scent was embedded in my olfactory, I rushed out of the house without a second thought. Following the heavy scent of her in the air, I rushed as fast as I could through the woods. She had the full Metallica album as a head start, and I regretted my selfish need to decompress after our fight.
As I chased her scent toward town, I noted the tinge of something else in the air. Flicking my tongue out, I tasted the air. This wasn’t her regular perfume I followed. I could taste her sadness as well.
My possessive need to have her had gone too far. I should’ve never reacted like I did—slamming the door and locking her in like a princess in a tower. Now my anger had subsided, I saw everything clearly. My reaction was so inappropriate, so out of touch. If my mother were alive, she’d have smacked me upside the head and told me I didn’t deserve a woman like Irina.
And she was probably right.
I would make this right. If she wanted to return to Chicago, we could figure it out and find a way to make whatever this was between us work.
I just had to get to her first.
Like a madman, I made my way through the woods, following her scent and licking the air. I slowed as I approached the outskirts of town, pausing as nerves crept in. There weren’t a lot of places in town where she could stay, so my options were thankfully limited. Still, it meant going into town and being seen by other people.
Even though I’d followed her to town a few days before, I’d deliberately stayed out of sight. Even when I bought everything for her, I did it by going in after hours and leaving more than enough money to cover the cost. If I didn’t have to see people, I didn’t. But now, I didn’t have time to stick to the shadows. Every minute I wasted staying hidden was another minute I wasn’t telling her I couldn’t bear life without her.
As my mind reconciled with what I was about to do, my body still felt fearful as sharp edges of panic rippled through me.
But for Irina, I would do anything—including this, so I took a deep breath and carried on slithering into town like I belonged there. But even amongst fellow monsters, I felt like a creature that should be confined to the shadows.
And for my actions today with Irina, maybe that punishment was well deserved.
The only place offering rooms for the night was a little bed and breakfast downtown. As I made my way to Main St, I could feel eyes on me as I slithered past. I tried to ignore it, but like a glutton for punishment, I found the gawkers and grimaced as one woman grabbed her partner’s hand and tugged him across the street to get away from me.
My resolve slipped despite my best efforts. Maybe I should let her go. I could let her leave while she had the chance—before we got in too deep. At least that way, she would be with somebody she could be seen with in public. I would never be able to walk down the street holding her hand. Never mind that I couldn’t walk, I’d always slither, and people would cross the street to get out of my way.
If we were together for some time, would she one day wake up and realize that confining herself to a life with a man people would always stare at isn’t her version of happily ever after? She deserved so much more, and I’d never be able to give that to her as this cursed creature. She deserved a man who could protect her without becoming a raging idiot, a man who could hold her up and treat her like the queen she was.
I slowed my slither as I resolved myself to my decision. She deserved so much more than I could give her, and letting her go was the best thing I could do for her, even if it would kill me.
Irina
The local bedand breakfast was closed for renovation after a pipe burst. I had nowhere to go unless I headed out of town and started walking to Chicago.
I’d already broken down and had three crying fits since walking to town. One nice mummy lady outside the restaurant where I had lunch my first day offered me part of her wrappings when she saw me blubbering like a crazy person on the curb. I didn’t know what was going on, but my entire body suddenly felt out of whack, like the idea of leaving Jake was unbearable, and in a way, it was.
I was still hurt and heartbroken about how things turned out. But the voice in my head wanted me to turn around and head home, that is, back to Jake’s. It conceived a story where I would lie to him and tell him I’d only stepped out to do some morning shopping and clear my head.
Not that it would explain why I’d bashed open his window with a drawer like a crazy person since we both knew if I’d waited until he came back and told him I wanted to go shopping to clear my head, he likely would’ve let me out.
But then there was another voice in my head telling me I shouldn’t have to ask him for permission. I’d left my dad to live with my sister, only to have her control my life too. I wasn’t about to fall into the arms of someone else who wanted to control my life. No way.
Going back was stupid because it would tell him I was okay with how he’d treated me when I certainly wasn’t. And if we were going to make things work, he needed to understand that with the clarity of a glass panel.
Walking out of the B&B, I was trying to regroup and figure out what I would do next when I walked straight into somebody.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly before pausing as I realized who it was. “Jake?” I said in shock, staring at him. “What are you doing here?”
He stared at me for a moment as if unsure what to say. “I am, uh—” he began before frowning and shaking his head. “Had to get milk.”
