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I nod, making my way back into the bedroom where I close the door and take a deep breath. The entire room smells like him, and the tears start to fall again, and I let them. I need to figure out a way to make this hollow feeling in my chest go away, and I have a gut feeling that the only way to get rid of it, is for a certain baseball player to come home and wrap his arms around me.
I lay my head on his pillow, inhaling his scent and wishing everything would go back to before I ruined everything, and as I drift off to memories of Josh, I wish I would feel his arms around me one more time.
I wake to the sound of the front door shutting and I sit up straight as my heart leaps up my throat.
He’s home.
I pull the covers off and get out of bed, adjusting the shirt I’m wearing as I walk softly down the hall.
“Can you just back off, I’m not ready yet,” Josh says into the phone as I make my way down the hall and when he comes into view, I see the tension in his shoulders.
My hands graze my thighs, fighting myself to take deep breaths and calm down.
“Will, seriously shut the fuck up. I do not need you to tell me what to do concerning my relationship.”
My intake of breath must startle him because he turns so fast I recoil. His eyes meet mine and my whole body freezes as we stand there staring at each other. Will must still be talking because Josh mumbles that he’ll call him back before turning off his phone and setting it on the kitchen counter.
Every instinct I have is telling me to run into his arms but I stay rooted in place. He walks around the kitchen island and stops a few feet from me. He looks gorgeous, even with the bags under his eyes that seem to match mine. He still makes me weak in the knees. If he tells me to leave, at least I got one last look at his face and I know he’s okay.
“What are you doing here, Harper?” His hands twitch at his sides as if he’s fighting the same instinct to touch me. “Harper!” he repeats as I jump, shaking the memory of his hands on my body from my head.
“Umm, I don’t know?” My mind is blank. It’s as if he robbed me of all coherent thought the second he stepped into this apartment.
“You don’t know why you decided to come into my apartment while I wasn’t here?” The tone is accusatory but his eyes are sad.
“I have a key,” I whisper as he grunts, turning away and walking back toward the kitchen.
“That’s not the point and you know it. I told you I didn’t want to talk to you.”
Knife to the heart.
That’s what those words feel like as I take a deep breath and follow him. I pull on my shirt, wishing I had had the forethought to put on some pants. He opens the fridge and stops.
“You stocked my fridge?” he questions as I shrug my shoulders, watching as he takes a beer in hand and opens it.
He leans back against the sink, taking a huge swig as I sit at the island. The cold steel stool sends shivers through my body. His eyes never leave mine as he takes another swig and after what feels like hours, he sets the bottle down and leans his palms on the island. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and let the smell of him take me away from the look of anguish I see on his face.
“What are you really doing here?”
I open my eyes and try to look at anything but him.
“I wanted to talk to you,” I admit.
“Talk to me about what? Huh? How about the fact that you lied to me for God knows how long, or maybe that I had to find out from fucking Angela, of all people?” My body tenses at the mention of her name and our eyes finally meet.
“I was trying to protect you.” My voice cracks and my heart leaps into my throat once more as his eyes widen.
“Protect me?” He chuckles. “From what exactly? Because the last time I checked, I was a grown fucking adult.”
I roll my eyes and hop off the stool, walking toward him, my fear gone.
“You know what? I get that you’re angry, you have every right to be. You also have a right to be upset by the photos and even the video because, hell, I’m pissed. But do you know the first thing I thought of when I held them in my hands?”
His eyes bore into mine as I continue.
“It was that those photos could ruin your career. I didn’t and still don’t give a shit about me, I didn’t want you to lose everything you worked so hard for because of me.”
I walk away, feeling the emotions rising as I head toward the bathroom and start packing up my things.
