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XAVIER
Isteadied myself and calmed my breathing, but I'd done this so many times, it was second nature. There wasn't much to it, and my blade never missed its target. I raised my hand above my head, the blade I'd come to love so much, sharp enough to sever bone clean through, just as I wanted.
This was what silenced the rage that would otherwise consume me.
I released a huff when I swung down and sighed at the sharp crunching sound that followed.
The last of the wood I was chopping split in two, and I watched both pieces fall off the larger stump. Holding up my ax that I'd spent fifteen minutes sharpening, I smiled.
After picking up both pieces of wood, I threw them onto the pile I'd been working on for over an hour. Even so, I hadn't broken a sweat but this, among a few things, was how I kept my mind occupied.
Few things offered me moments of peace, as well as a chance to fall into myself and stay there, anymore. I still couldn’t believe that I was here and Ruby wasn’t.
At night, I sat in front of the fireplace, and allowed myself to think of her. During the days, though, thoughts of her only made me angry. There was an emptiness inside me that nothing could fill.
I was the new alpha of the Blackmoon Pack, and it kept me occupied. That was the main thing keeping me sane.
After Mom died, it had been the pack that had saved Dad. So he'd been in the same position I was now. He'd always said he would pass the leadership of the pack to me after the war. And once Ruby was gone, I needed my birthright more than ever.
The world had almost ended five months ago, overthrown by vampires, but an eternity had gone by for me. Wherever Ruby was, she was with Axel, and I took comfort in that. She wasn't alone, and one day, hopefully, I'd join her on the other side.
But until then, I had to stay strong and keep fighting.
She gave her life to save me—to save the world—and I’d never known anyone braver. That kept me going, honoring her strength by holding onto mine.
I laid my ax against the tree stump and picked up my water off the ground. Looking up between the tree branches above, I took the chance to think about Ruby’s laugh. I thought of it every day and forced myself to never forget it.
In the past, in times like this, while thinking about her, I'd feel our mate bond, and without realizing it, I crushed the bottle I was holding.
“Xavier?”
I spun around, my claws out and my fangs descending in seconds, but my dad just held his hands up. "It's okay," he said softly. "It's only me. Just take a breath."
Turning away, I clenched my fists, and my claws pierced my palms. I tried to think of anything but my yearning to die and be with my mate. Dad laid a hand on my shoulder. I focused on the sounds of the forest, the smell of the wood, and the rain in the air.
“I’m fine,” I said, finding my balance. “I’m okay.”
I gave Dad a reassuring smile, and he nodded. "Okay."
This was the hard part, holding myself back from acting on my bursts of anger. I was getting better each day, but for now, I purposely didn't spend much time around the others, for their own safety. I still went among the pack. I had a duty to them, after all. But I didn’t spend a lot of time with them, and I was glad they understood.
“I didn’t know you were coming today,” I said to my dad as I picked up the ax, and we walked towards the house together.
“You know I can only be away for a month at a time,” he replied. “It helps to be in places she’s been.”
He was talking about Mom, and I understood all too well what he meant.
"But it also hurts," I said, and he nodded.
This was a tortured existence, but it was the price of once being one with someone else. I wouldn't give up what I had with Ruby—even if I’d known what the outcome would be. What we had was precious, and I was a better man for it.
“Are you still thinking about adding another wing to the house?” Dad asked when we got to the shed where we stored our tools and wood.
It was getting close to winter, and while we didn't need wood to keep warm, I delivered it to homes in town.
“Yeah,” I answered. He grabbed a wheelbarrow, and I grabbed one, too. Then we both started loading the wood inside. "Since Axel’s pack joined ours, I think it's time to expand the packhouse. Our family is bigger than it’s ever been.”
"Just let me know when you're going to start. Retirement is boring.” Dad pushed his wheelbarrow outside, and I released mine, causing it to topple over.
