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"It was something he said earlier that’s bothering me. That I didn't even know what I have. I need to know what he meant by that. And what does Lohman know about me anyway?"
"It could have to do with Elise. It could have something to do with your father. We don't fucking know."
"Well, my father could still do damage."
"Not officially. You are the CEO of All Saints Tech now. That's all that matters."
"It's eating at me, Gabe. I don't even know what I have. What the fuck?"
He sighed. "If you think talking to him again is actually going to get you answers, fine. But while I truly think having an emotional outlet is a good idea, beating on a prisoner, is not ideal. Besides, if I didn't let Saff get on Webster, you can't touch Lohman."
"He's responsible for what happened to Elise."
And then Gabe said the one thing that I didn't want to face. The one thing that I knew deep down but hadn't examined. "No, a bomb was set for retaliation for debts unpaid. Elise got caught in the crossfire. That's what happened. Yes, Lohman is responsible, and yes, he is the monster we chased. But it was your father who got entangled into a bad business deal with Igno. Whatever the hell that side deal was, it nearly got him killed. Now that he's out of All Saints, Igno has no leg up. Don't go inviting trouble."
I didn't want to hear what he had to say. "I'm not inviting trouble. He and I just have to have a conversation. He knows something."
"Fucking hell, Saint, you need to listen. Hands off Connor Lohman. We have our hands full. If you want to question Lohman about why his men were after the girl, then that’s great. The problem is, if you speak to him, you show your cards. He'll know the girl is important to you."
"It's not like he can get intel to Igno. We have him on lockdown."
"You think we can keep him here forever? No. We will hand him over at some point. And until we have the girl locked down, I trust no one. So if you can question him without giving up our position, fine. But don't let him get in your head."
I wasn't going to let him get in my head. He owed me blood though. And I intended to collect.
CHAPTER 20
KAYA
During the driveto East London, I fidgeted. When I had said I wanted to get my mother's papers, I hadn't quite anticipated that Saint would insist on coming with me. I didn't want him to come. I didn't want him to see who I'd been, where I'd come from.
Walthamstow was an East London suburb. Not posh, not fancy. And at the time, I had been thrilled to have some place to call home. Before Mum disappeared, I had lived in North London up near Angel.
East London still had that slightly gritty rock-n-roll feel about it, where in any moment, something could pop up that would remind you that you are still in the poor London that taxi drivers still can’t go to.
But hooray for gentrification, because on Sunday mornings, most of East London was full of prams and new parents discussing the best preschools. When we pulled up to the house, a swamp of memories overwhelmed me. For three years, the Cortez family had provided me a home. For three years, they clothed me, fed me, and did their level best to love me, even when I didn't want to be loved. They had gone out of their way to make me feel like I was one of theirs. And I should have beengrateful. I had nowhere else to go, no one to count on, and they saw to it that I did. But I still felt like no matter what I did, no one could see me properly.
"How are you doing?” Saint asked. “You've been tense the whole way here."
"I'm sorry. Honestly, like I said, you didn't have to do this. Drive me all this way. I would have figured this out."
"Right, just like you figure everything out."
"Yes. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm self-sufficient."
"Yes, I know."
"I'm just saying, I don’t like having to ask for help. It hurts me."
"Fine. Fair enough. But I'm here, so take the help, okay?"
"I'm taking the help."
"So where are these files?"
I winced because I knew what I was going to have to do. "Um, about the files. I buried them out by the shed."
To his credit, he didn't even blink. "You buried them?"
