Page 56 of Seeley


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And, perhaps even worse than that last part, I had lost my best friend, the only person left in the world that I loved, that I thought loved me.

I can’t tell you how long and how hard I cried, curled into a ball on the kitchen floor, but I know that when I finally got to my feet again, my face was raw and my eyes were swollen, and I just felt so damn… empty.

But there was only one thing left to do.

So I grabbed my last bag, and the keys, and I walked out of that apartment building, I climbed in that car, and I drove away from my old life.

I made it about an hour into the drive before the tears started again.

And they didn’t stop.

Not for the rest of the drive.

Or moving into my dorm.

Or the start of my new classes.

I kept it together in public, then grieved in every spare minute.

I felt like someone hadn’t just carved out my heart, but a piece my soul as well, like I was walking around with parts of myself missing.

It took weeks, maybe even months, for my body to start to turn that grief into something more manageable long-term.

Anger.

Oh, the rage I felt in those days, it was something else entirely.

The bitterness and anger I still felt when I thought of or saw Seeley, even all these years later, yeah, it was nothing compared to how I’d felt that first whole year of college.

It burned through me, destroying anything good that had once been there.

I thought it had been so charred that nothing could ever grow again.

But as I walked around the clinic on the verge of tears all day, yeah, clearly I’d been a little mistaken.

Those feelings were clearly still there, no matter how much bitterness and anger I layered on top, no matter how many years had passed.

“Damnit,” I hissed to myself, slamming my forehead into the steering wheel.

First loves die hard.

That was the saying.

And truer words had never been spoken.

I mean, sure.

I’d tried dating again. I tried to find other men who might make me feel something.

I figured, hey, if I could find someone who made me feel even half of what I felt for Seeley, I would have to call that a win.

The problem was, no one came close.

And, eventually, I just stopped trying.

There was always schoolwork and studying to do to fill those lonely hours. And once I got my hands on the clinic, yeah, there was hardly time to schedule my twice-yearly dental cleanings, let alone date anyone.

Up until a couple of days ago, that felt like enough.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com
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