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He lifted a hand and ran a finger down her flushed cheek. Her eyes were closed, but they fluttered open as she looked at him. “Why are you tormenting me like this?” she murmured on a harsh whisper.
He frowned. “Aren’t you enjoying it?”
“Yes, but—” She swallowed hard. “I feel like it’s too much. Like you’re punishing me for something.”
Rem stilled. Dear God, is that was he was doing? He pulled back and sat up on the side of the bed. Only then did he realize that his hands were shaking. “Forgive me. I—”
There was a gentle hand on his arm, and he couldn’t continue. He truly was a low bastard to use theirwedding night, of all days, to try and rid her of the baron. He knew he shouldn’t have read that letter.
He got to his feet abruptly and walked over to the window to glare out into the night. All he could see was his hard reflection staring back at him.
“Remington?” Her voice was soft, almost angelic, and he felt even more debase than before. “Is something wrong?”
“This was a mistake.” He shook his head.
“What was? Tonight?” There was a pause, and then she added, “Or our marriage?”
He didn’t reply. He couldn’t. For someone who had long yearned for her, it was difficult to admit that his actions hadn’t truly been selfless. “I need a drink,” he grumbled. However, when he turned on his heel to leave, she was there to block his path with a sheet wrapped around her. Her gray eyes were luminous,her dark hair flowing freely down her back, and he told himself that he didn’t deserve her.
“You’re not leaving this room until you talk to me,” she stated firmly.
He closed his eyes to gain control, but it was steadily slipping away. When he looked at her again, he whispered hoarsely, “You’re right, Isadora. My actions weren’t entirely honorable this evening. My goal had been to ensure you didn’t think about anyone butme. That your entire universe was centered aroundme, and no one else.”
At first, she appeared confused. “My thoughtsareof you.” Something damning must have shown in his expression, for the clouds behind her eyes abruptly cleared. “Oh, I see.”
Rem glanced away, knowing that she would despise him. And she should. He had acted deplorably when he should have acted as a gentleman. She might never forgive him.
It surprised him when she sighed heavily and said, “It’s time I told you the truth. As my husband, you have the right to know about my past and why it left me so broken.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Isadora wasn’t looking forward to turning back the sands of time and revisiting a moment in her life that continued to wound with the power of her despondency. It was only because of Remington’s strength that she thought she might make it through this time. And because she didn’t want him to feel as though he was always trying to live up to a ghost in their bedchamber.
She walked over to a chair near the fireplace and gestured for him to do the same. He hesitated, but then he sank down slowly across from her. He braced his arms on either side, as if steeling himself for what she might say.
Isadora pulled the sheet more snugly against her and after staring into the flames of the fire, she rewound the clock and began to speak. “Baron Abaline was old enough to be my grandfather, and yet, I didn’t notice age when it came to him. He was kind to me and showed me attention from the time I was a child, which I lacked from my father at times. I think in some ways, he filled that void.” She took a deep breath. “I realize now he was just being kind, but for years, I struggled to get him to see me as something other than the Duke of Marlington’s eldest daughter. Ifinally told myself that I would have to be patient, and when I came closer to my come out, I would try to gain his notice.”
She closed her eyes. “Since he was our neighbor, I started to live for his visits to Broxbourne. I prayed daily that father wouldn’t move us back to Canterbury, but I think he enjoyed the country as much as I did, so it was never an issue. With each new duchess and every new sibling, the burden of Udell’s ignorance regarding my devotion became easier to bear, and as father gave me more freedom with the estate ledgers, I started to gain a new purpose. But each time he appeared, I remembered the longing in my heart.
“I was seventeen, on the brink of my introduction to society when the moment finally came. Udell had just lost his wife and was in the mourning process. His children were grown and he was all alone. He started to come by more frequently because he was lonely. This particular day he was waiting for my father in the parlor and I found the opportunity to tell him how I felt. I was in tears, begging him to love me in return, but he said nothing. He just excused himself from the room. It was the last time he was at Broxbourne.”
She glanced back at Remington to gauge his reaction. His jaw was clenched, and his expression intent, but he held no censure on his face. It gave her the courage to continue. “I vowed that I wouldn’t be brushed aside so easily, as I had felt most of my life, so I snuck out of the house one night and made my way to the baron. I knew where he slept, so I climbed a tree outside his window. When I entered his chamber, I had my seduction already planned out. I would prove to him that we were meant to be together and if I could only get him to lay with me, then he would surely do the honorable thing.”
She swallowed, her voice becoming harsh. But her eyes were still dry. “I climbed into his bed, and using the knowledge that I’ve heard through the years from the whispers of the maids in the hallway, it wasn’t long before—” She cut off, deciding thatshe’d said enough to that point. “It was over before he was aware of what was going on. And although it wasn’t the most pleasant experience, I was elated, because I knew that he would finally understand how much I loved him.” She looked back into the flames. “Instead of the fairy tale ending I had been anticipating, he ordered me out of his room and out of the house. He made me promise never to return and to never speak of the incident to anyone else. He was so… angry. I’d never seen him that upset before. I actually pleaded with him to make me his wife, but he wouldn’t be swayed. My chest ached, as if my heart was being ripping in two. I sobbed all the way home and for months later, but then the tears finally stopped. I haven’t cried since.”
She exhaled slowly. The pressure that she had always felt when she recalled the events of that day had been so painful that it was difficult to draw a full breath. But now, her emotions were numb, almost… detached. “The next day, Father moved us all back to the estate in Canterbury.” She smiled bitterly. “I never saw the baron again. I didn’t attend his funeral because I wasn’t sure I could stand there and act indifferent with Sabine, feeling that I should have been there in her place.” She calmly folded her hands in her lap. “I’m not the straitlaced and upstanding lady that everyone believes me to be. I held a lot of hurt and resentment inside for years. Oddly enough, although I should feel some sort of remorse for what I did, I can’t say that I regret my actions. I knew I was ruined, so I suppose that’s the reason I shut myself off from everything except for matters of business. At least it was something I could control and my heart was never in jeopardy.” She paused to look at him. “I suppose you shall think of me in an entirely altered manner now that you know the truth. And I can’t say I would blame you if you chose to leave this room and never return.”
For a moment,Remington was robbed of proper speech. But it wasn’t directed toward his wife. If anything else, he regarded her with even more respect than before.
He rose then knelt by her feet. Holding her lovely face in his grasp, he spoke firmly. “I think that the baron was a right bastard for treating you in such a manner. He should have done the honorable thing, even if he imagined he was being selfless by giving you the chance to marry a younger man. Nevertheless, age obviously didn’t cross his mind later on when he married Sabine.” A muscle ticked in his jaw and he had to calm his anger. “I believe that you are a strong woman, who was blinded by her first love that may not have even been an issue were you not pushed aside by your father. You were also young and easily persuaded. Instead of leaving that day in the parlor, the baron should have set matters straight right then, instead of giving you the possibility of hope by being a coward and walking out the door.”
He closed his eyes briefly, to gain control. “I know that you might not like me speaking of him in such a disparaging manner, but when I think of the heartache you endured over the years, it makes me want to dig up his miserable corpse and punch him for what he did. You’ve given up so much of yourself for everyone else over the years. You may not have been the mother figure as you claim your sister Araminta was, but youwerethe father figure, because the duke was too busy lamenting his own losses. You made the sacrifices for your family, not the other way around. I truly wish that you could see yourself though my eyes, then perhaps you would understand your worth and finally let go of such a damaging past.”
She regarded him steadily. “I always thought I had a happy childhood. I loved my father and my sisters dearly, but there are times I look back and I saw how lonely I truly was.”
“I’m here now,” he said. “Rest assured you won’t be lonely anymore.”
With that, he took her lips in a kiss that was searing, but full of life and promise and new beginnings. It wasn’t a possession like before, but a combining of two souls.
