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“Good job, girl,” I whisper, rubbing her neck.
She nods her head, and I grin.
“Yeah, you know you were incredible out there,” I praise her.
She nods her head again as we come to a stop outside of the big tent.
“So humble,” I tease her.
One of the other workers gives me a weird look for talking to my horse, but I try my best to ignore them. I know it’s weird to be so attached to Penny, but she’s truly my best friend, as lame as that sounds. She’s the only thing I have left of my old life and the only thing keeping me going in this new one.
I dismount Penny, giving her one last pet as I grab the halter and lead rope and slip it over her head. I need to take her over to the stables and brush her out and feed her before I can turn in for the night.
We do two shows a day, and this was the last one. I’m looking forward to heading back to my bunk and grabbing something to eat for myself as well. Every muscle aches, from the soles of my feet to the crick in my neck. I thought I’d eventually get used to the extensive training schedule, as well as the numerous rehearsals we all have to do whenever we add or take away an act. That’s not even including the two shows Penny and I perform most nights.
However, after a year of working here, my body still feels broken at the end of the day. I’m sure the hot, heavy costumes and flashy jewelry don’t help.
A group of little kids runs by, giggling as their parents chase after them. I smile, watching the crowd for a minute. The sun slips farther and farther into the horizon, the circus lights slowly replacing the natural sunlight. Young couples walk by, hand in hand, smiling at each other with adoration. One little girl bounces up to her mother, a huge stick of pink cotton candy in hand. The woman laughs, telling her it’s nearly as big as her head.
It’s a sweet moment, and try as I might to ignore it, jealousy eats away at me.
I’m never going to have that. My family is gone, and I can’t imagine finding a partner while working long, draining days at the circus.
Loneliness threatens to swallow me whole, and I close my eyes, trying to get my emotions under control. Breathing in through my nose, I focus on the present, trying to pull my thoughts away from the dark path they’re straying down.
It’s no use.
My happy family was ripped away from me, and I don’t know that I’ll ever recover. An image of my parents and I at my graduation hits me, and I swallow hard, forcing the tears back before they fall.
That was the last memory that I have with them. I went out with friends after we had dinner together, and they headed home. Only, they never made it. A drunk driver blew through a red light and hit them. How many times have I replayed that evening in my head? Each time, I invite them out for drinks with my friends or offer to go home with them. Anything that keeps them off the road for a little longer.
Of course, those thoughts only serve to torture me.
The doctors told me their death was instant, and they didn’t suffer. At least I have that to hang on to, but I’d rather have my parents here with me.
It’s hard to believe all of that was a year ago. I lost my family and my future all in one night. I had to sell my childhood home to pay for their funerals and for stable fees for Penny. She’s the only family I have left. She’s also the only thing that’s been getting me through life now.
I was supposed to go to college, but that went out the window when I started to have trouble paying bills. I tried to find a job, something that would allow me to afford Penny and stable fees while also putting a roof over my head and food on the table.
Turns out that was impossible. No one was hiring. No one except the circus.
I thought that the circus was a blessing at first. It was a job that provided free lodging and would cover Penny’s costs. Now that I’ve been doing my act for a year though, I’m starting to grow tired of it.
The other people in the circus are friendly, but I’m not particularly close to any of them. They’ve all known each other for a while and since I’m the newest member, I feel like the odd man out.
Part of that is on me. I’m not exactly outgoing, despite my chosen profession of trick riding. When it’s just Penny and me out there in the ring, nothing else matters. Once I dismount, however, it’s back to reality. And in reality, I’m awkward and shy and terrified of rejection.
Alone.Always so alone.
I swallow, blinking the tears from my eyes as I turn to head to the stables with Penny.
I don’t make it very far.
“Oof!” I grunt as I run into a brick wall.
“Sorry about that,” says a deep voice.
I look up into a pair of deep blue eyes, a shiver running down my spine as they lock on to mine.
