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Nodding, Rowan walked to the bathroom she’d shared with Bennett in a daze. In her head, she recited one task at a time.
Wash your hair.
Wash your body.
Dry off.
Brush your teeth.
Holding her towel around her, she walked to her closet and selected panties, soft leggings, and a t-shirt. Her body hurt too bad to wear a bra or tie her shoes.
Stepping into fuzzy slippers Bennett bought her to wear on the cold marble floors, she left her closet. Miss Jeffries nudged her into a chair and combed through her hair. She braided two plaits to pull it back from her face.
When the elderly woman patted her shoulder, she stood and walked numbly to the hall. Miss Jeffries stayed with her but Rowan couldn’t speak.
James waited just outside the door for her. “You’re doing so well. Let’s go downstairs and get you something to eat.”
She started to walk to the elevator and gasped. James supported her weight as she half-stumbled down the stairs.
Her tears just fell and fell. She didn’t think they’d ever stop. Mary-Margaret waited for her in the foyer on the first floor.
“I’m sorry, Mary-Margaret. Please don’t h-hate me.”
The tiny woman gathered her in a hug. “So much grief and now guilt on top of it. I loved Bennett like a little brother but I warned him what this would do to you. You didn’t doanythingwrong and we’re going to keep saying it until you believe it.”
Rowan felt like the world was spinning. James and Mary-Margaret stayed beside her, leading her to the dining room. There were other people in the room but she didn’t have the strength to look at them.
Miss Jeffries lowered into a chair beside her as a plate of incredible food was placed in front of Rowan by a member of the staff. She didn’t get the chance to thank them.
Shoving away from the table, Rowan barely made it to the closest bathroom before throwing up the bile in her stomach. James held her hair as she dry-heaved for almost a minute.
“One thing at a time. That’s all we can do, Rowan.”
She nodded and took the glass of water he handed her with a shaking hand, rinsing and spitting several times. He lifted her to her feet and braced her as she washed her hands and face.
“Where is he, James?”
“At the funeral home. They’ll bring him back to be interred on the estate in three days.”
Closing her eyes, Rowan focused on not screaming. The thought of strangers touching her husband’s body made her stomach churn again.
“What do I need to do?”
“I sent your favorite suit. Bennett insisted it be that one. He wanted to be buried with the cufflinks you gave him for your first anniversary and the prayer pendant you bought him in Tibet. He asked that I give you his wedding ring.”
Reaching into his pocket, he removed the simple platinum band Bennett had worn. Rowan took it and slipped it over her thumb but it was still too big.
“I-I’ll need to use a chain. I don’t want to lose it.” Inhaling deeply, she leaned on the counter in the half-bath and thought it was a strange place to discuss such important things. “What else?”
“The lawyers for the organization want to meet with you in a few weeks to transfer authority officially into your hands. Samuel Fields is watching things until you’re ready.”
Staring at the striations in the marble, she said softly, “It seems everyone knew his intentions except me. The person who took Bennett’s life was kept in the dark until the very end.” James started to dispute the words and she shook her head. “Dress it up any way you want but it was my body he was inside when his heart stopped beating. It was my eyes he was staring into when he took his last breath.”
Straightening, she whispered, “Some will call it mercy. Others will call it murder. Perhaps not legally since he made his wishes clear...but that won’t change perception.”
“Few know the circumstances of his death, Rowan. Not the company, not the general staff. Three people from your own life who would never betray you, the Fields, Mary-Margaret, and myself are the only ones who know the sacrifice Bennett asked you to make.”
Absently, she traced the gold thread in the countertop. “Only I will have last night as the final memory of a man I loved more than life.” Meeting James’ caramel eyes, she was too tired to wipe her tears. “The last minutes of his life willhaunt meto the end of mine.”
