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“H-he did want you around.”
“Yeah. When he was buildin’ this house, he showed up at my place. He made James stay outside. You were in Austin for a couple days - some big corporation meetin’.” He met her eyes. “I swear to you...I didn’t know what he had planned, Rowan. All he said was he had three months to live and he was trustin’ me to help you afterward.”
She frowned. “There’s more…”
“I submitted to a full batch of lab tests - everything from blood to urine to sperm. He wanted to know I was clean and healthy.”
Working her way out of the chair, she walked to him. “H-he had sperm extracted for me if-if our time together didn’t take. Why did he wantyoursperm?” Gage didn’t answer. “Tell me.”
“The night he died, he admitted that if he wasn’t able to get you pregnant, he wanted to use mine.” Rowan stumbled back and Gage caught her with lightning fast reflexes. “Wait. Hear me out. With all the medications he’d been on for years, the doctors weren’t sure it would, uh, take. He wanted a backup plan so you could have a baby. I was relieved I didn’t have to tell you why you couldn’t use the other.”
Closing her eyes, she whispered, “Too far, Bennett.Too far.”
“More than anything, he wanted you to be a mother, to help you heal. His actions were those of a desperate man but know Ineverwould have let it happen, Rowan. Never. I wouldn’t have violated you like that.”
Gage held her shoulders. “As the days passed, the more urgent he sounded. Bennett insisted the three of us stay on the estate for a couple of weeks after his birthday. Miss Jeffries had to rearrange a court appearance with the twins. Nina had a commercial she backed out of. I had three cows about to give birth. Somebody like him don’tbegbut he got damn close. We understood the mornin’ after. Too late to talk sense into him.”
Angry, numb, and more than a little confused, she asked, “Would you have? Talked sense into him?”
“Yeah. Lovin’ somebody means givin’ them what’s best andhewas best for you, Rowan. He worshipped you. I know you’re pissed right now, but he died lovin’ you more than he loved himself. He got scared, acted reckless as the date he gave himself ticked closer. He made horrible decisions alone when he should have talked to you. That’s true...but I truly believe he thought he was doin’ right because he loved you, adored you, and wanted you happy.”
“I-I’m shaken…”
“I get it. James and Mary-Margaret didn’t know about my talks with Bennett. He made me sign documents - so fuckin’ many - that I never woulda honored. All he kept sayin’ was that time was runnin’ out for him to protect you.”
Looking at the porch floor, she sighed heavily. “He coerced you into being around me, into…”
“No, Rowan.” Gage shook her gently. “Bennett was a man so in love with you that he couldn’t think straight as the time for him to leave you got closer. I might not agree with how he handled some things but Idamnsure understand.”
Looking into his eyes, she tried to wrap her mind around all that she’d learned.
“When he asked me to keep an eye out, there wasn’t a second of doubt or hesitation. When he asked me the first time I met him if I could stay faithful to you until he died, I knew I could...and I have.”
He rested his palm along the side of her head and added, “The love you shared with Bennett was one of a kind and I’ve no intention of competin’ with it. We can have somethin’ beautiful and unique one day - all our own. I’m willin’ to wait to bring you around to my way of thinkin’.”
Her heart pounding, she asked, “You’ve waited for me?”
“I owed you loyalty and respect I didn’t show before.” Shaking his head, he whispered, “I’m not twenty-two anymore. I know it takes more than sayin’ words to win the heart of a woman like you. I’ve been lookin’ for a way to get you back since you walked off Miss Jeffries’ porch. It was Bennett who made it possible and he sure didn’t have to. Most men wouldn’t have.”
“I’mangrywith him…”
“The anger will fade, Rowan. You loved each other so well and his desperation at the end doesn’t change what came before. That wasn’t who he really was and you know that in your heart. He was afraid and when you act from a place of fear, it warps your judgment.”
“You two were a lot closer than I realized,” she said softly.
“A shared love of the same magnificent woman. It created a bond we never would have forged otherwise.”
Placing her hand over his heart, she stared at it. “You’ve always been strong.”
“After seein’ what you went through when you lost Bennett, you better believe I’m gonna take real good care of myself.”
Looking up into his face, she murmured, “I’d appreciate that, Gage.”
Moving slow, he gathered her close and kissed her again. Her mind was confused, a little conflicted, but her body wanted Gage as it always had.
So did her heart.
Holding her to his chest, her belly pressed between them, he kissed the top of her head. “Over the last months, I’ve been a conduit for you, Rowan. A way for you to talk to Bennett, experience things with him that you didn’t get a chance to have when he was alive.”
