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That said, I feel like I've lost the game before it even started. I've never been good at pranks. I'm not a prank person. I can't let her beat me without putting up some sort of fight, though, so I do the only thing that I can think of. I called for backup.
The minute I get home, I call Tripp, who may either be in the air or sleeping in some woman's bed. When he answers groggily on the third ring, I feel a little bad for having woken him up. The man flies people around in a long tin can for a living. If there's anyone who needs his rest, it's him.
"Sorry, man, I didn't mean to wake you. Call me when you get up tomorrow. You got a flight?"
"No, I'm in Cali. I'm down for the next two days. What's up, you need me to come over?" He asks, and I realize there's a twinge of worry in his voice.
Our dynamic is constant.
We may be best friends, but it's always been Tripp that puts out the initial effort. I receive it and once the ball is moving. I'm always glad he's called or stopped by, but it's rare that I reach out to him, especially in the middle of the night.
"No, it's nothing bad or anything like that. I actually need some of your immature assistance." I chuckle, and I hear ruffling on the other end of the line.
"First off, did you just fucking chuckle, and immature assistance... What the hell does that mean? I'm mature? I pay my bills on time and everything." He defends himself.
I shake my head at his definition of maturity. "Okay, this is going to sound crazy as hell, but I need to prank someone in a way that's not going to kill them or anyone else."
"Prank? What? You? No, I'm missing something. You need to start from the beginning."
I take a sigh, leaning back in my cushioned chair in front of my fireplace, and tell him the embarrassing yet somehow hilarious story about how Nyla basically pranked my life away this afternoon at the clinic. By the end of it. Tripp is laughing so hard he’s hiccuping and wheezing through the phone.
"Shut up! You're supposed to be on my team! She had all the nurses with her. I'm out numbered here, man." I complain good-heartedly, and Tripp clears his throat.
"You're right. Doesn't she know if she takes on one of us, she takes on both of us? I'm the prank master, but it's going to be difficult if you want to get her back at work. That's basically where all the people are. If you can't get them to join in, you'll have to do something small, but packs a lot of punch. Something that will keep her on the edge of her seat but can still go missed.” He talks like he's trying to figure out the formula to cure cancer.
We go back and forth for an hour one by one, rejecting each idea because it's either too dangerous, too messy, or too offensive. I want her to laugh at the end of the day, not think I'm a creep who needs to be carted off to jail.
"Fuck it, jump scares." he says as a last ditch effort.
"What do you mean, people jumping out from corners and shit?" I don't see how that can work if I'm supposed to be working, and I don't have anyone else here to help me.
"Doesn't have to be. Loud noises, fake animals, things like that can work well.”
In that instant, a plan starts to form in my mind.
This can work.
Fortunately for me, when the hospital isn't very busy, I have a lot of time to sit and people watch. All the nurses have a routine. A certain time they eat or go to the bathroom, or which stairs they take to leave the building. Nyla is no different. I know her routine by heart already, and I can make sure that every step is taken on eggshells tomorrow.
"So, Nicky boy, sounds like a lot has changed since I was last there."
I refocus on what my friend is saying, but don't understand what he's talking about.
"What do you mean? Nothing has changed."
"Bullshit It hasn't. I'm not there to see your face, but I'd bet good money that you're smiling right now. You're playing games. Not grumbling. I think you like this girl."
"Tripp, no, I don't. I already told you. She was basically picking on me all day. It's refreshing not having someone scared of me like you said, but that's as far as it goes. I just want to get her back."
Tripp laughs over the line, and I feel the smile slipping from my face. It shouldn't be this hard to get him to believe me.
"Oh, my little grasshopper, you have so much to learn."
With that, I slam the phone down while I listen to the sound of my friend cackling on the phone before the line goes dead.
He doesn't know what he's talking about. I don't have any more thoughts other than revenge when I think about that woman.
* * *
