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The smile on my face is sinister. “Something along the lines of if you fuck her around, I’ll make sure they never find the body. Though that one may not work for you.” I raise my eyebrows daring him to challenge the declaration.
I’m not too much bigger than Jackson size-wise, but I have the training to follow through on the threat thanks to Her Majesty’s military training. He does not. Jackson looks me up and down as if evaluating my statement. He chuckles and nods, taking another sip of his scotch.
“You’re probably right on that count. I’ll just say this then. Be careful with her heart because if I’ve learned anything about Lindsey, it’s that she has a big one and it’s breakable. She has stuff in her past that makes it hard for her to trust the idea that she can depend on someone. She means a lot to me, and I don’t want to see her hurt. In a completely sisterly way. Just so there’s no confusion.” He says the last part assuring me once more that his feelings are nothing but above board.
The fact Jackson didn’t divulge what makes it hard for Lindsey to trust is appreciated, even though I already know. I like that he keeps her confidence. It’s a sign of a good friend. Maybe he has it in him after all.
We finish our drinks, and I offer him a ride home. He says he’d rather walk, which is fine by me. I drive back to the apartment and park. The hour is getting late, close to sunset, but I need to clear my head a bit before I go inside, so I decide to take a walk around the block. I haven’t explored my new neighborhood since moving in. Now’s as good a time as any.
Starting a relationship with Lindsey and what that would look like keeps swirling in my mind. I’m still questioning if this is a smart path for us to go down. Probably not, to be honest. We still have so much we’re both dealing with from our past. Well, her more so than me. I’ve done a spectacular job of sweeping things under the rug, and it’s served me just fine. Stiff upper lip and all that. That type of thinking doesn’t really lend itself to a proper relationship, though, does it?
Our living situation also adds another layer of complication. What if it doesn’t work out? It’s not like she can move into her own place alone. Would she move in with her sister or mom? Where would that leave me? In the apartment where we fell apart? I hate that I’m going to a place where it’s over before it even begins. I suppose it has to do with always making sure there was an exit strategy from my military days. Old habits are apparently alive and well. I don’t want to think like that, but at the same time, I need to know she’ll feel safe if things don’t work out.
Get it together, Clarke, she hasn’t even agreed to try being together.
I’m really jumping the gun on this. How did I go from being against the idea to planning what would happen during our breakup? I think I may have forgotten about the entire middle. Also, I need to stop thinking the worst-case scenario is inevitable. That’s where I still have a hang-up or two. I’ve lost too much to trust things will always work out, but there’s a lot I still deal with. Losing sleep for one. How will I explain to her if we’re sleeping in the same bed that what I saw on deployment still haunts my dreams? What will I say when the anniversary of my sister’s death comes around and I inevitably go radio silent for a few days? Will she try to change me or fix me somehow? There’s still so much uncertainty, but I suppose that’s true for any new relationship. Maybe I’m weary and need a soft place to land for once, and maybe she needs the same.
Chapter eight
Lindsey
Sittinginmyapartment,waiting for Aiden to get home really sucks. He’s never at one of his meetings this late with Donovan. My mind races with possibilities. Maybe he decided after our argument this morning I’m too much trouble and he’s looking for another place to live.Get a hold of yourself, girl, the man has a life outside of you and your crazy.
I consider calling Donovan to see when he left. That sounds a little nutty and a lot needy, even to me. I’m not one of those women who calls her boyfriend’s friends when said boyfriend is five minutes late meeting them. I swear. This morning just threw me for a bit of a loop, and I guess I’m feeling a tad insecure. Not that he’s my boyfriend or anything. That would be silly to think after one kiss.
The phone rings making me about jump out of my skin. It’s Jackson’s name on the screen. Not Aiden.Damn.
“Hey, Jackson, what’s up?” I really hope my voice sounds normal and not way too high pitched like it does in my head.
“So, I just had an interesting conversation with our favorite bodyguard,” he tells me with a very cat-that-ate-the-canary tone to his voice.
Uh-oh. If Jackson and Aiden are actually having a civilized conversation, hell could very well be freezing over.
“Seems someone had the wrong impression about our relationship and wanted clarification. I’m a little hurt you didn’t call me first thing this morning and spill the deets, as the kids say.”
I roll my eyes. This guy.
“I didn’t realize we were the sit around in our pajamas, talking about boys and braiding each other’s hair type of friends. I’ll have to reevaluate ASAP,” I snark back.
“You know me better than that. I would only do that if it was some kink a girl was into, and I knew I was going to get laid in the end.” He laughs at his own joke. I’m glad he thinks he’s funny. Joking about his sex life is gross for me. Unless I’m making a rude comment about him and Abigail banging it out. That shit is comedy gold.
“I made it perfectly clear to Captain America that we have a brother/sister relationship. No kink exploration going on here.” His reassurance is appreciated, even if it isn’t necessary. It’s the same thing I told Aiden this morning. I wouldn’t expect Jackson to say any different.
“I hope you didn’t say it in those exact words. I’d really like it if you guys could get along. And he’s British, not American, so stop with the Captain America stuff to get under his skin. He and I live together, and I don’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable when you stop by. Namely me. The less you talk about your kinky interests in front of Aiden, the better.” I’m rubbing my forehead in exasperation at the idea of what could have and has come out of Jackson’s mouth.
“I know, doll. I was trying to get a rise out of you. Captain America was a do-gooder just like your boy, though, so I think it fits. By the way, don’t think I’m not aware of what you’re doing when you bring up the she-devil and me fucking out our frustrations, with each other.” He makes a gagging noise and I laugh. Busted.
“I think maybe Aiden and I can move past our mutual dislike of each other. The fact he called me for drinks and was willing to get to the bottom of it shows me he’s got some serious feelings for you, or at the very least, is well on the way. How do you feel about him?”
Question of the day, it seems.
“Honestly, until he picked a fight with me this morning, I was definitely headed in that direction. I just don’t like the jealousy thing, Jackson. I won’t be one of those girls who doesn’t talk to other people just because they happen to be men.” My irritation is beginning to rise again. I’m not willing to do that, even for someone as hot as Aiden.
“I think that had more to do with me than with the male population in general. He has a dislike for me in particular. Can’t say I blame him after the last couple of years working for my brother.” He doesn’t sound sad about the fact, just resigned. Jackson has gotten too used to people thinking the worst of him, but he does it to himself in most cases, so…
“Well, Jackson, you haven’t given him much opportunity to form a different opinion. I think you like getting under his skin.” Actually, I know he does. I see the glint in his eye when he says something to piss Aiden off, just begging for a reaction.
“This is true. I do enjoy ruffling his stiff British feathers.” I can practically hear his irreverent smile through the phone.
