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“Well, about my new roommate…” I proceed to tell her all about Aiden and the time we were spending together. Mostly because I don’t go anywhere. I tell her about the dinner party last night and the kiss that followed. How I didn’t even realize I was capable of wanting that again, but I do, specifically with him. Then I tell her how his rejection stung and brought up all the feelings of inadequacy I’ve been dealing with recently. Finally, I tell her about his outburst this morning. By the end, I’m emotionally exhausted. I didn’t realize how muchnottelling her was weighing on me. I’m lighter somehow. Tired, but feeling better.
“I think being in a living situation with the person who rescued you, especially someone of the opposite sex, is going to trigger many feelings. You see Aiden as a protector, a safe place. That’s why you were fine with sharing your space with him. Introducing an additional layer at this stage may be a little tricky. It sounds like he could be dealing with some trauma from his past and some issues where Jackson is concerned. I’ll never tell you not to try a relationship. That’s not what I do. I’m here to help you through making these decisions. I don’t think it’s too soon to have feelings like this because I don’t believe you can put a timeline on this sort of thing. Like I’ve said from the beginning, your healing is at your own pace. I’m here to walk with you through it and give you some direction and advice along the way.” She’s said some variation of this throughout the months we’ve been working together, but her statement hits me harder than it has in the past, like maybe I’m finally starting to believe her.
“Thanks. I’m glad I came clean about the situation.” I take a deep breath and let it out through my mouth, the feeling of support washing over me.
We speak for a few more minutes, then our session is up. The relief I feel helps me see things a little brighter than I did a couple of hours ago. I’ve realized it’s become uncomfortable for me to things in now. That’s a revelation in and of itself. Maybe this whole therapy thing is helping me in ways I never knew I needed. Now to decide how to go about having a rational conversation with Aiden. The hurt is still there, but I’m not as angry. I’ve calmed down enough to let him explain to my face and not my door, at least.
Progress, right?
Aiden
Jackson agreed to meet at a bar down the street from Donovan’s apartment. To say it surprised him to get a call for me is putting it mildly, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m sitting at the bar nursing a beer when he strolls in, a cocky smirk on his face. God, this man is such an imbecile.
He sits down and motions for the bartender. “Scotch on the rocks, please. Whatever your top shelf is.”
He turns to me and raises a brow.
“So, this is unusual. I never expected to be sitting in a bar withtheAiden Clarke having a drink and sharing conversation. Care to tell me why I’ve been summoned?“ His tone and posture are cavalier, and it grates on my nerves as I crack my neck trying to relieve the tension.
The bartender comes back with his drink, and Jackson takes a sip, waiting for my answer. I keep telling myself I’m willing to do this for Lindsey. It’s taking some serious patience not to smack him upside his head, though. Taking a breath, I decide to just get on with it. Be direct.
“I’d like to know if you have certain intentions toward Lindsey.” I say, possibly a bit too harshly as though I already know his answer and don’t like it.
He chokes on his scotch a bit, as though what I said caught him off guard. I’m glad. Maybe I’ll get a genuine answer and not some sleazeball retort he’s so fond of.
“Before I answer that, I want to know why you’re asking. If you think I’ve done anything inappropriate toward her or she told you anything—that I can guarantee didn’t happen—I have the right to defend myself before you jump all over me.” He’s instantly defensive. Can’t say I blame him.
“She hasn’t said anything to me about you doing something inappropriate. Although I am surprised you haven’t tried anything.”
Jackson sits back in his chair and sighs out a breath of relief.
“I didn’t mean to imply she would lie about me, but it seems to happen more than anyone thinks. Or believes.” He isn’t happy with that fact, I can tell. Maybe he really is trying to turn a new leaf.
He looks down at his scotch with a furrowed brow, lost in thought for a moment. About what, I’m not sure, and I don’t really care. I’m here for answers about Lindsey, not to be an ear for Jackson.
“She said you were friends and that she thinks of you as a brother,” I tell him.
I take a sip of my beer then set it down, peeling away at the label with my thumb, discomfort with this conversation making me a bit jittery. I’m not one to have these types of talks about feelings and the like, but like I said, desperate times.
“Although that would usually be a tremendous blow to my ego, that’s exactly right, and I’m glad she feels that way about me. She’s the little sister I never had. Anything more feels wrong.” He shivers at the thought. “Why are you really asking, Aiden?”
Talking more about my feelings with Jackson is not how I want to spend my time, but I suppose it’s inevitable. I did invite him here, after all.
“We kissed last night,” I begin. “Then I was a total dick to her this morning because I misinterpreted what I saw between you two last night. It was stupid and I regret it. I needed to know if you had feelings for her. I don’t need the drama in my life, since we seem to be in a situation where you and I deal with each other on a regular basis.”
Jackson nods in agreement.
“I wish you would tell me what I did to piss you off so bad. You’ve never liked me.” He almost sounds, dare I say, hurt by my obvious view of him.
Do I tell him about my sister? That his brash attitude toward just about everything reminds me of her boyfriend who OD’d and left her in a shitty part of town with a drug dealer who could have done unspeakable things to her? I take a breath and turn to him. That’s not a story I like to share. That’s my own personal hell I have to live with.
“You remind me of someone from my past who was responsible for me losing someone I loved.” And all the other bullshit he’s pulled throughout the years I’ve worked for his brother hasn’t helped my opinion of him.
“Ah, a woman jilted you.” He nods like he has me figured out.
“Not quite. Look, I appreciate you coming down and being honest with me.” I have to give credit where credit’s due, I suppose.
“So, what are you going to do about Lindsey? Do you have feelings for her? I feel like as her surrogate older brother, I should give you some sort of warning about messing around with her feelings. Although I’ve never given the speech before, so I’m not exactly sure how it goes.”
