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I grab my phone and head to my bedroom, not responding to him. If he can’t see how fucked this whole thing is, then I don’t know what to say to him. He’s left standing in the kitchen, confused and alone.Join the club, pal.
After pulling up my sister’s contact information, I sit on my bed and stare at her number. I really don’t want to have this conversation. All the times I’ve texted or talked to Kasey these last few weeks, I’ve been deliriously happy with the way life had been going. I had a great guy, and I finally found the courage to go back out into the world. Now, I’m sitting here, a mess yet again. It feels as though all Kasey’s been doing for most of our lives is cleaning up my messes.
Aiden wasn’t kidding when he said she would come over if I didn’t call her, though. She’s done it before. I’m not ready yet for an in-person intervention. Might as well get this over with.
I hit the call button and lie down under my covers, wanting to be wrapped in a cocoon of blankets and security.
“Lindsey. Hey, sweetie. I’m so glad you called.” Ugh. The mom voice she always used on me is back in full force.
“Hey, sis, yeah, sorry. It’s been a day already.” There’s no emotion in my words. There were so many spiraling through me earlier that I’ve reached the point of numbness.
“And a night too, according to Abigail. Are you okay?” The concern and fear in her voice has me on the verge of tears. She doesn’t deserve my irritation any more than Aiden.
That’s the million-dollar question, though, isn’t it? Am I okay?
“No. Not even a little.” I try so hard to hold back the tears, but a few escape, dripping over the bridge of my nose onto my pillow. Well, apparently soul crushing sadness is the one emotion I can still feel.
“Oh, sweetie, do you want me to come over? I took the day off from the paper just in case you need me. Have you talked to Dr. Thomason? I can call her and set something up if you want.”
Coming from Aiden, the suggestion put me on edge. From my sister, though, I kind of want her to take care of me. I’m falling back into old habits. Even though it can be annoying when Kasey mothers me, there’s a familiarity to it. I need that right now, and my sister is willing to give it to me.
“Yeah, I think calling Dr. Thomason would be a good idea. Thanks, sister,” I whisper.
“Hey, that’s what I’m here for. I’ll text you with the time she sets up. Do you want me to come over, though? I can leave right now.” She’s trying so hard to be here for me, but I can only deal with a little at a time right now. I just need to… well I don’t know what, but lying in bed and never getting out isn’t something I would be opposed to.
“No, that’s okay. I’m gonna lie down. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“How’s Aiden doing today? Have you talked to him?” she asks.
Not really. More like yelled at him. I don’t relay that to my sister, though. She already knows I’m a mess and tend to lash out at the people I feel safest with. Sucks to be them on days like this.
“He’s fine, I guess. We haven’t talked too much. I think he’s giving me a little space right now.” Or I’m taking it regardless of how he feels about it.
“How’s his hand?” Kasey chuckles lightly. “I can’t believe he punched Jackson in the face last night. I guess he’d had enough. Jackson called Donovan last night and told him what happened. It was weird, though. Usually, Jackson blames everyone else for all the shit he gets himself mixed up in, but not this time. He felt awful for upsetting Aiden. And he feels terrible for what happened to you at the bar.”
Wow, that’s a pretty big change of pace for Jackson. I wonder what brought on the sudden emergence of his conscience.
As if reading my thoughts Kasey replies, “It seems whenever you’re involved, he feels a responsibility for anything bad that happens to you. That sure is a change from the playboy bachelor we all know and love.”
I never stopped to think about it too hard, but she’s right. Ever since the kidnapping, there’s been an air of responsibility to him we’ve never seen before.
“I guess. Listen, I’m exhausted. Thank you for calling Dr. Thomason for me, but I’m gonna go. I wanna lie down before I talk to her.” I pull the cover tighter around me, needing to block out the real world for a bit longer.
“I get it.” I’m sure she does. When we were living together, right after the kidnapping, I barely slept. Every time my eyes closed, Helen’s face would appear. My sister is well aware of my insomnia and the restless sleep that comes when I do manage to get a little.
“We’ll talk soon. I love you, Lindsey.”
I can’t help but get choked up. God, what I wouldn’t give to have a normal relationship with Kasey without hearing the pity in her voice toward me. There were a few weeks there where we were the sisters I wanted us to be and not this caretaker role she once again finds herself in.
“Love you too, Kasey. Bye.” I hang up, not waiting for a response. I just don’t have it in me to carry on a normal conversation when I feel anything but.
She texts me a couple minutes later and lets me know my therapist can do a video conference in an hour. One more thing to look forward to.Yeah, right.
I lie down, but don’t rest. Not that I really expected to. The next hour is spent with my thoughts wavering between all the amazing nights spent in Aiden’s arms and the complete meltdown from last night.
When it’s time I open my video conference app on my computer and see Dr. Thomason’s smiling face. At least one of us is smiling today.
“Hey, Lindsey. I heard you had a rough night last night. Why don’t we start with what happened?” Let’s just get it all out.
