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“What’s that tattoo of?”
“You know exactly what it is.”
Her head cocks, eyes narrowing for an explanation I’m not going to give.
“It’s a reminder of our time together and the lessons I learned. Don’t change the subject.”
With her voice raised but no longer shouting, she leans into me. “Fine. A few weeks before you sent that last text, Anders found out I went to New Orleans with you. My family kept a tight lid on that detail because we all knew how it’d look. Even if I officially ended things with Anders in that hotel room. He accused me of having an affair with you throughout our entire relationship. His family turned on me. I went from being the cowardly runaway bride to the homewrecking cheater. I couldn’t respond to you, Devin.”
I grit my teeth, pissed at Anders for his audacity, and pissed at myself for making the situation more complicated.
“I’m not sorry about what happened between us in Louisiana, no matter what anyone else believes about me, but I had to reconcile my decisions with who I was and who I wanted to be. I found myself, Dev.” Swallowing, her jaw works as another tear falls. “And you found Palmer again.”
Palmer.Her name is a bucket of cold water to my face. Reality sinks in. I’m not mad at Nova for not responding to my text. I’m mad that she’s here with someone else. I’m mad at myself for not giving her more time. I’m mad that I can’t get her out of my damn head. Why am I so fixated on a woman who won’t fight for me the same way I’d fight for her if I wasn’t a taken man?
I can’t be here. I’m not this guy. Palmer wouldn’t care about the social climbing models, but she sure as hell would be upset if she knew I was dancing and having another public fight with Nova.
“I’m sorry for the part I played. They never should’ve turned on you like that. This is stupid. So stupid,” I mutter. Without thought, I bend and kiss her cheek, inhaling sweat and cherry vanilla. “Have a good night, Nova.”
thirty-three | nova
I don’t knowhow to explain the way my chest hollowed out when Devin left me in that secluded alcove of VIBE. The strobing lights and dance music jumbled into slow whirring motion as I tried to comprehend what had happened. The encounter returns like an overplayed rerun night after night as soon as my head hits my pillow. All I want is sleep, but my brain prefers to relive each second. The press of his hard body on the dance floor, the graze of his soft lips on my cheek. The conflict and heat in his eyes, the tenderness and hurt in his words. I don’t know what he wants from me. He has Palmer. Devin shouldn’t have this hold on me anymore.
By working in the same industry and living in the same city, I wasn’t going to avoid him forever, but somehow every time we see each other, rather than reconciling our past, the divide between us expands. I ache for him more and more.
I told him not to wait. I didn’t want or expect him to, but I can’t help hating Devin a little for going back to her anyway, for giving up on me so fast.
* * *
Leo texts me Wednesday afternoon inviting me to lunch, so we meet at a Greek deli a block from TSG.
“I know you let my best friend take you out. Does that mean things didn’t work out with Hawthorne?” Leo takes a bite of his sandwich.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure any possibility we may have had is gone.”
“I’m sorry. I know he means a lot to you, but it’s probably for the best, cuz.” He shrugs. “It’s not against policy to fraternize with the athletes, but without anyone knowing much about your history, I’d hate for people to get the wrong idea about you.”
I pour balsamic dressing on my salad. “And what idea would that be?”
“They might be looking more at who you’re doing rather than the job you’re doing, wondering if you’re trying to use Devin to move up the ranks.”
I fling back against my chair. “That’s bull, and you know it.”
“Of course I do. But I know you and your complicated history with Devin. This is a competitive industry, and there are those who will take shots just to get ahead. If they find an easy target, they’ll strike without remorse.”
Sighing, I stab a tomato and pop it into my mouth. “Well, then I guess it’s a good thing Devin and I are nothing but history.”
“Even if you weren’t, you know I’d have your back, right?”
“You better, or I’ll sic Mili and Mari on you.”
Leo laughs. “You’re truly evil.”
Pushing around the lettuce, I glance up. “Does it bother you? My going out with Shep?”
“Eh, not really. But he’s a lone wolf, Nov. Don’t expect anything from him.”
“I’m not. He’s been fun to hang out with, but the spark isn’t there.” I steer my fork tines in his direction. “What about you? Anyone special?”
