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HANNA
I never meant to hurt Eric. I should've told him the second I locked eyes with Jameson at JC's birthday party. The truth is, I didn't mean to hide it from him. I was just scared.
Terrified, really.
Ellie is having a sleepover with Blake tonight, and I will get a chance to talk to him about Jameson. I'm nervous, though, beyond nervous. I'm worried that he will just walk away, sealing the deal on my abandonment issues. I don't think I'll be able to handle it if Eric decides he can't get past this.
It's just a hiccup, I tell myself, a mere little speed bump on the way to our happily ever after.
Breathe, Hanna.
When Eric walks through the front door and places his lips on my forehead, I feel at peace, melting into his broad frame. Relief flooding through my body.
When he isn't working at the hospital or with me, he spends a lot of time at the gym, and it shows. His dark brown hair and blue eyes are inviting, and honestly, It blows my mind that he isn't already married with kids. He's a few years older than me, and his family reeks of wealth and privilege. I'm surprised he wasn't betrothed from birth to someone whose daddy owns the country club.
His parents are different, though, and unlike mine, they don't meddle. They want him to love fiercely and wholeheartedly no matter who it is or where they come from. They are very welcoming of Ellie and me, and it makes me a little sour that my mother didn't show me the same courtesy. Instead, she sat in church every Sunday and then acted like a self-righteous bitch the other six days of the week.
"Eric, I'm sorry," I blurt, "I planned to tell you, I wanted to tell you."
"I know," He whispers, pulling me into the comfort of his arms. The one and only place I've felt safe these past two years.
He pulls away, his grip held firmly on the back of my arms, "It's okay. We're okay."
I jerk him into a hug, a sob escaping uncontrollably. This guy is my rock. My constant. I can't lose him.
"I love you, Eric. I'm sorry."
He wipes my tears, "Stop. Don't cry, please. I hate it when you cry."
I laugh through my tears, trying not to blow snot everywhere.
"What are we going to do?" I ask, blowing out an aggravated groan.
"Well, I'm going to support you, no matter what you decide, but this is your choice. The calls are yours to make, but I'll be here to help and listen. That's all I can do. I'm not Ellie's father, but I love her, and I don't want to see her get hurt by anything."
This man. His words so genuine and mature, making me swoon.
"I love you," I remind him, "I love how you love Ellie."
"I love you, Hanna. I really fucking do. I don't want this to change anything."
"Nothing will change between us," I assure him, squeezing his hand. "I don't want anything to change. I'm happy. Ellie's happy."
Eric is silent for a couple of seconds, and I start to wonder what is going through his mind when his words slip out, silencing my thoughts, "I just have to ask once, and then I promise I won't bring it up again."
I feel a flutter in my stomach as the nerves dance around like butterflies, "What? What is it?"
"Do you still love him?"
What?
"Love who? Jameson?"
His voice is stern, almost demanding as he pushes the words out like they are invading his mouth, "Yes. Do. You. Love. Him?"
I could think about his question, really think about what he's asking before offering up an answer, but I don't. Of course, I love Jameson. I think I'll always love him. There will always be some type of feeling there, something that drags my mind back to how I felt back then.
"No. I don't. I love that he gave me Ellison, but I'm not in love with him."
