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Mar 10
Ax,
You were right about my sisters. Lydi, Yas, and Luma believe me. Nayomi and I haven’t said a word to each other. Which is awkward since we work in the same office. Literally, right across from each other. She leaves the loft if I come home and find her there, so at least I get some space at home. It’s still awkward.
I’m writing these words as if I don’t have something significant on my mind.
You’re right—I do want to know why you think you can’t go any further than just “having” love for me. Is it because of my age? So you can tell me to stand my ground, but I can’t tell you to do the same thing?
I know you feel the same way about me. It’s more than just you wanting to protect me and encourage me to live my dreams. You don’t know that you’re encouraging me to want you. You are my dream.
So if you feel even half of what I feel for you, you’re going to deny it. I know it hurts you to do this. I know it hurts you to write and send me those words because it hurt me to read them.
I read your letters for every word. For every thing you say and the things you don’t say. I notice that you sign off with ‘love’ every time. I noticed your last letter said ‘yours’ at the end. Is that a lie? Are you mine or not?
Av
Mar 24
Dear Av,
I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write you. I’ve been pussyfooting around what to say.
Of course, I have feelings for you. I’m not going to lie or pretend like I don’t. But we have to keep whatever is happening between us platonic. You can’t expect me to be more than your penpal, and that’s not because I’m incarcerated.
I put ‘yours’ at the end of my last letter because in a way, I am yours. Although, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Our feelings for each other are real, but what I said still stands. However we feel about each other, we can’t go any further.
I’m not telling you to never write me again, but you do need to move on with your life. If you think it’s possible to write to me even after everything I’ve said, well… I wouldn't know if that would be the right or the wrong choice. You just need to know where I’m at and what the possibilities for us are.
I’m sorry, Av.
Love,
Ax.
The only way to describe a warm spring Saturday night at Limelight Manhattan is glitter.
The club literally glitters. From cars stopping out front, each reflecting night lights as they slow to a stop, to the gold accents on the door, to the lights and chrome inside.
Upstairs Avryl watches partygoers walk in from underneath the office. She wanted to stay home, but tonight is special. Cocoa, a singer from the UK, is at the club to perform. Avryl is in charge of ening everyone from Cocoa’s team signs release forms and understands the club rules. She considered going home after her tasks were complete, but Cocoa is one of her favorite singers. Avryl isn’t going to miss a chance to see her perform live just because she isn’t speaking to Nayomi. Plus, it’s warm out. For the first time in months, everyone has left their coats and furs at home.
When Nayomi can’t find something else to avoid being in the same room with Avryl, she finally takes a seat behind her desk. Inside the office, there’s silence. Every once in a while Nayomi sniffles. Avryl clears her throat. There’s a squeak from a chair. This is how they communicate as if their bodies decide to use noises since they aren’t going to open their mouths to say anything.
The air is tense. So much that the other sisters stay in the employee lounge. They sit sipping cups of espresso and casting nervous glances across the way, even though they won’t be able to see anything through the glass.
Finally, Nayomi breaks the tension. “You know what I remember?”
Avryl looks across the office from behind her desk. She follows what Axton said in his last letter and stays calm. She can’t tell from Nayomi’s face if the next words will cut or clear the tension between them.
Nayomi doesn’t wait for Avryl to answer. “Your nail. You remember we went to get manicures?”
It was true. They both had the same color extensions, a pink to green ombre.
“At the funeral, I looked down and saw you had them taken off. So I wondered: now, why would she go and do that after we just had them done? But I figured maybe you didn’t like it after all and didn’t want to tell me.”
Avryl is confused by Nayomi’s sudden conversation, and she isn’t sure what to expect next.
“So that part of your story… Makes sense. You know? I knew about the nail, but I guess I didn’t want to put the two things together.”
