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He’s still staring at the list when he asks, “Is there anyone else you can think of? Anyone from outside of college?”
“I thought you said this guy was someone on campus during the same time I was?”
“That’s most likely the case, but anyone could walk around a college campus unquestioned if they make an effort to blend in. Same with college parties.”
Swallowing around the uncomfortable lump that has formed in my throat at the thought of any weirdo strolling around campus, pretending to be a student, I shake my head. “No, not that I can think of.” I’ve been wracking my brain all week trying to think of possibilities. If this person has made an effort to integrate themselves into my life like Kai believes, regardless of how abstractly or distantly, then I must know them. However, no matter how hard I try to rack my brain, I come up blank every time. It’s gotten to the point where faceless shadows haunt my dreams at night, nothing but white eyes staring at me from the darkness.
“What about the summer before you started freshman year? You went touring with Death on a Matchstick, right?” It should probably bother me how much he knows about my life, but I’ve kind of gotten used to the fact that he knows everything about me while I know next to nothing about him. It’s not for lack of trying, but whenever I ask him about his past, he changes the topic or shuts it down altogether. “Was there anyone you came across there that made you feel uncomfortable or who gave you an odd vibe?”
I pause. I hadn’t even considered the possibility that this person could be someone I metbeforeI started at Halston. “You think it’s someone I knew from before college?”
He shrugs a shoulder. “It’s possible. Just because you were in college when you started receiving gifts, doesn’t mean that’s when whoever this is first noticed you.”
Jesus, that’s not at all terrifying.The thought of this creep following me around before he made himself known is somehow even more bothersome. Instead of dwelling on how fucked up it all is, I think back to that summer.
“I was only there for a month, and most of the time, no one paid me any attention. Everyone was there for the band, and when I wasn’t hanging out with the guys, I faded into the background.”
“Most of the time?” Kai queries.
I chew on my bottom lip, because there was someone who I didn’t like being around. He always gave me the creeps with the way he’d leer at me and how he always managed to corner me when I was alone. He never actually did anything to me, but when the band was on stage and I was standing on the sidelines watching, he’d always saunter over to me and stand too close. I’d feel his eyes on me when we were all hanging out after a show too. It used to bother me, but I was a guest along for the tour, so I never felt like I could say anything, and when I said goodbye to the guys that summer and went off to college, I never gave him a second thought.
“Steven Carmichael.” I watch as Kai adds his name to the list. “He was the band’s manager.”
“Okay, I’ll look into him. I’d looked briefly into the band, but nothing in depth.”
He gets back to work, and I try to focus on the yearbook in front of me, but after a few minutes, I end up pushing it away and instead I watch while he works. It’s a habit I’ve formed over the past week. There’s something reassuring about the furrow that forms between his brows when he’s concentrating and the astute look in his eye as he scrutinizes data that means nothing to me.
“So, what’s it like working with Hawk?” I ask after a few moments of silence.
The question seems to catch him by surprise, and he quirks a brow as he leans back in his chair to study me. “Not what I thought it would be.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I thought this job would involve me wearing some ridiculous suit and protecting actresses from crazed fans or standing guard backstage while some popular band did their thing.”
“And that’s not what you do?” I question. Other than knowing Nocturnal Enterprises offers personal security, I don’t know much else about it.
One side of his lips lifts in a smirk. “Not quite. Hawk specifically recruited me for a special outreach program he was starting that was created to help people in abusive relationships or in helpless situations—”
“People like Hadley,” I murmur, unable to believe Hawk would do something like that.
“Yeah, exactly.” My eyes widen at his words, not realizing he knew Hadley’s history, but I guess if she trusted him enough to look out for me, then she trusted him enough to know her story. “I’d just finished up with the Marines and was looking for work. Hawk and I hit it off from the first meeting and became friendly from there. He introduced me to Hadley and her guys, and when they found out I had no family in the area, they started inviting me to their family dinners every month.” He smiles as if remembering fond times, and I can totally picture Hadley taking him in like a stray cat.
The moment passes, and his gaze turns curious as he focuses his attention back on me. “I think the better question is, what is your history with Hawk and Wilder?”
I snort. How the fuck do I put the complex nature of my history with Hawk and Wilder into words? “That is not a conversation I want to have sober.”
A roguish grin plays along Kai’s lips. “There’s no way there isn’t a bottle of overpriced scotch around here somewhere.”
I scrunch up my nose. “I’m not really a scotch person.”
“There’s probably wine and beer in the fridge.” Getting to his feet, he goes to check. “Bingo,” he calls out when he opens the fridge door and pulls out a bottle of chilled white wine. Grabbing two wine glasses, he walks back over to me and pours us both a large glass each.
I hum as the cool, crisp wine slides down my throat, and he lets me drink half the glass before topping it up and saying, “Well?”
Sighing, I rehash my whole sordid past with Hawk and Wilder. I explain how Hawk and I were at Pac together. How Hawk and I basically hated each other, until we didn’t, and the surprising friendship that budded between Wilder and me. How he looked out for me when Hadley went missing. I have to fight back the blush that threatens to burn my cheeks when I tell him about my threesome with the two of them, but he gives no visible response other than a slight raise of his eyebrows.
I finish by telling him how it all went to shit, and I confess the truth aloud for the first time. “I was scared. Scared of the intensity of these new feelings, scared of giving my heart to Wilder, and scared of getting hurt. I ran away, and in the process, I destroyed any hope of there ever being a me and Wilder.”
