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Did it matter now? This castle would never truly be mine, the kingdom would never belong to me. It might be my responsibility to prepare warriors for battle, but the urgency to build better facilities was gone. It would only be for another king, another ruler, and I would yet again have to bow down and let someone else take over.
“Ready?” I asked, marching to the guard.
“Ready,” he answered.
The word was barely out of his mouth when I blasted him with my power, the darkness so intense, the guard had no chance against it. He screamed and fell backward, writhing on the ground, fighting invisible demons that the darkness brought about in his mind.
“You weren’t ready,” I scowled.
“Please, mercy!” he cried out.
I rolled my eyes. The warriors were becoming complacent in the wake of the war. I pulled the magic back, letting the guard up…but the magic wouldn’t respond. The darkness wouldn’t stop tormenting him.
I gritted my teeth and grabbed onto my power to regain control. It was harder than it should have been, and it took longer to reel it back in than I’d intended.
Finally, the darkness and fear let go of the guard, and he slumped on the ground, breathing hard. When he looked up at me, his eyes filled with terror.
I snarled at him, snapping my teeth like I was a damn animal. My anger wasn’t aimed at him—I was furious with myself. I was terrified of what was happening to me. My power had always been strong, but it had never been out of control. Not like this.
The guard sank into a battle stance, ready to do what I needed him to do. He would spar with me even though he was terrified of what would follow.
I stared into his eyes and saw the terror there. It reflected my own fear, that paralyzing terror that came with knowing I could lose the people I loved.
Sympathy and remorse filled me. I shifted, uneasy. These sensations were foreign—I’d forced them away for a long time, not allowing myself to feel anything other than rage. It had been the only way to drive away the reality that I was stuck in a life I’d been forced into. I’d started feeling things again when I’d believed it was all over.
Now, I was stuck with these pathetic emotions—they wouldn’t help me in the life that lay ahead. My future was grim after all, and there was no place for sympathy, regret, forgiveness, understanding. There was no place for hope.
“Get out of here!” I yelled, growling the words at the guard.
I didn’t have to tell him twice—he ran away from me as if my darkness was nipping at his heels. Maybe it was.
I jammed my thumb and forefinger into my eyes and groaned. My power was out of hand. It had gotten the better of me, done something I hadn’t intended.
It was worrisome.
Not only that; it was proof that I would never be able to go back to the light. The darkness was within me, and it was in charge. Black magic was at the wheel, and I was just along for the ride.
9
HAZEL
Mom and I sat in the formal sitting room, ready to help more Conjurites. After the last two we’d helped, we’d taken a step back to figure out how we could speed up the process. We just didn’t know how we could change things. We had the power to heal them, sure, but the darkness was so deeply rooted in some—especially the older, more powerful Conjurites—there was no way to get around it. We had to fight through it.
We’d decided to tackle the next couple of Conjurites together in the hope that putting our power together would create a stronger force to drive out the darkness quicker.
Mom smiled at Zita, who nodded at her from the door.
“You’ve got this,” Zita said. She glanced at me, but it seemed almost as an afterthought. “Both of you.” She turned her eyes back to my mom. “Just remember who you are and why you’re here. Your power was given to you for a reason. Terra didn’t just allow you to have the light by mistake.”
Clearly, Zita and my mom had talked about this in private. I’d spent a lot of time alone the last couple of days, reflecting on what I’d learned about Erol, trying to figure out who he was and what I felt around him. My mom and Zita had spent that time focusing on what we’d come here to do in the first place. They’d created a bond, and I was glad my mom had someone she could confide in when she felt she couldn’t talk to me.
We’d been together my whole life, and leaning on each other had been natural. We’d been all the other had. I was nineteen, though, and my mom had fought through a lifetime of struggle before she’d had me—running away from home, falling in love, having Ellie, and losing it all again before she had me. I could turn to her with anything, but I knew I couldn’t always offer her the same support.
Since moving to the palace in Jasfin, we’d created friendships and bonds we’d never had before, and it looked, for the first time in a very, very long time, that my mom was happy.
“We just have to take this one step at a time,” Mom said, turning her head to me. “We have to let Terra guide us. Without that guidance, we can’t do anything. It’s what this is all for, after all.”
Before, we’d thought it was about freeing them from a life without anything to hold onto, but things looked a little different now that we knew there was another goddess involved.
