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“Don’t you dare tell me what my life was like. You have no idea who I am, or what I’ went through before I ended up in the dungeons below this castle. Do you mean to tell me that you don’t think being a prisoner here for nearly two years was hard? Do you think being in the midst of all this darkness for that long taught me nothing about what to expect? Don’t flatter yourself into thinking that you’re the only victim around here. We’ve all been through hell and back, we’ve all fought our own demons. I want to be with you, I want to help you. I know you want it, too. Stop pushing me away.”
Erol laughed again, and the sound was creepy. It wasn’t the kind of laugh that usually came from him. It was almost as if the darkness had taken over completely, and the laughter belonged to someone—something—else deep inside of him.
“I’m trying to tell you that you don’t understand. I’m trying to show you this is a lost cause. You don’t get it, Hazel. Ilikethis. I want it.”
I stared at him. “What? What are you talking about?”
“The destruction I caused in there, the pain…I relish in it. When I hurt people and destroy things, I feel most alive. It’s what I’m meant to do, and giving that up…Ican’t. A part of me doesn’t want to.”
I stared at him, mouth open. His words didn’t make sense.
“How can you say that?”
“It’s true, Hazel. It’s what I feel. Sure, a part of me hates it, but the part that loves it…” He shook his head, not finishing his sentence. “Stop trying to save me.”
He marched past me and out of the room and left me behind alone. His words swirled around me.
I like this. I want this.
How could that be? How could Erol tell me he wanted to remain as a Conjurite, to use dark magic and live in the darkness? He’d asked me to help him, hadn’t he? Or had I forced it on him?
He’d seemed so on board when we’d been at the cabin together. Now, he was nothing more than a monster who relished in pain and destruction. But that couldn’t be him. I saw his goodness.
I sank onto the chair I’d caught myself on and covered my face with my hands.
Was any of this real? Or was it all a game? I wanted so badly to believe that Erol had what it took to break free, but what if he didn’t?
What if I had to let him go, because he just wouldn’t do what it took to follow me into the light?
24
EROL
Ihad to get out of here. I had to leave the castle behind and get out into the fresh air to breathe. I felt like I was drowning in my own power, in my own twisted outlook on life.
I couldn’t shake the look of pure horror on Hazel’s face when I’d told her this was what I wanted. It wasn’t entirely true—a part of me still wanted to be free. That part seemed to be buried more and more underneath the darkness I wielded, that little voice that screamed for help becoming softer and softer, until eventually, it would disappear.
When I walked out of the castle doors and into the gardens, my skin was on fire, and I felt like I would explode. The magic danced on my skin, thick in the air around me. Everything was tainted by darkness and magic.
Cyrene’s voice was in my head.Well, that was interesting.
“Leave me alone!”
She only laughed, and the sound felt like it cut me up from the inside.Come now, you can’t tell me you want to get rid of me. Not after that display back there. You sure know how to pick ‘em, huh?
I shook my head, not bothering to respond.
I have to say, Erol, you had me worried there for a second. Bringing your family here to protect them… That was brilliant. It was a loophole I didn’t see coming, and I see everything coming. Still, it was a waste of time, in the end. You don’t want to walk away from me, do you?
I continued to ignore her. I wouldn’t indulge her, give her what she wanted. It was bad enough that she was so powerful now—I was so far gone—that she was in my head like a clear voice. A voice clearer than my conscience.
It’s a good thing you realized what you wanted before it was too late,Cyrene went on.You would never have been happy with her. Your life would have been so empty and bland, so void of magic. After so many centuries living with power, can you really give that all up and become weak? I don’t see how the light is worth it.
“Will you stop?” I snapped.
Cyrene laughed again. Nothing I said was funny, but she insisted on laughing, scraping and tearing me up with that horrible sound. Maybe that was why she did it.
It’s sweet that you bound yourself to her. Did you do it because you wanted to get closer to the light? I guess it makes sense. It didn’t work, clearly, but interesting attempt.
